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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
double trained today. morning was slack set. cos mr loh was talking abt race plan. yeah. no more double trainings. not that i wanna slack. but i think i wld rather have an intensive training session, rather than two not that intensive ones. (: it's quite time wasting to have double trainings. cant study at all. like today.
race plan session was quite fun. hahas. we crapped alot. i went like
"mr loh, the air con is not cold"
mr loh went like
"i wasnt in the rm mahs. but with me arnd now, the temp will certainly drop"
-_-|
studied in the noon with shu and the others sleeping. i wanted to slp so much in btw but was waken up consecutively by calls. and junhong made me angry before they slept. so i officially ignore him from now on, and gonna make his life hell in the team. hahas. like how i used to ignore glen in the past. hahas. but how nard ask me to forgive him was funny. the apple crumble temptation.
afternoon training was hell. we din finish doing the 2 x 16 x 100m sets. did arnd 23 x 100m. but i think it was really a test of your determination for this set. lane mates, we did it! dun tell yourself that u cant kaes. we must do it. (:
i m so excited abt going penang. ((: it will be a good time spent with the team. and the competition there will better prepare us for nats. i hope.
soaking in trainings is another form to avoid those complicated emotions. but i realised that i m missing out on alot of other activities. i really really miss you people.
huiyi and xuande. wanted so much to just dun attend the noon training today when xuande asked me dwn for dinner with them. but know that i cant. i miss you all!
and carol and mj, we haven have a meet up yet!
and the list goes on.
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double trainings have started. i think most are trying to hold on. i pray that all will be fine for the swimmers. sometimes, it just dun feel gd to see your teammates suffering from injuries and complaining that he/she is in pain. hang on swimmers. it's just one more month.
i haven attended a double training yet. gonna have one tmr. but... i still duno if i should rest or should i train. everyone calls me not to train as i m sick. damn irritating. it's fever last week, cold this week. and i could taste nor smell anything ytd!!!! and it's so irritating that i couldnt smell my strawberry shower gel when everyone is going huu-haa over it in the shower room. hahas. and i used up so many packets of tissue paper. so should i train? crap.
qi en is the most funny one larhs. he was like. oei. it's just jct. dun need to mug until become sick. den i was like of course not larhs. but i have trainings plus mugging. den he was like HUH DUN TRAIN. I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU DIE FROM TRAINING.
-_-|
psychometric test today was crap. but rj campus was cool. sue, shu and i peep at the swimming pool there. it makes u feel really inferior when u see their swimmers swim. >.< but i m so jealous that they have a pool.
daddy was so nice today. he bought me a shorts that cost like more than 40 bucks. diaos. i wanted a FBT one. but he bought such an ex one. sometimes i really feel that i really neglected my parents due to trainings and studies. but i duno what to do. facing stress from both sides. they expect me to do well for studies. they are so uptight and upset with the fact that my bio is failing. and i really duno how. i m so caught in btw. hais. and mummy is biased sometimes which really get up on my nerves.
and i did my PB on monday training (: finally managed to break 40s. was so shocked but happy (((: yeah!
i am really sick of this busy life
it is so hard to hang on
really tired
it gets more tough when your body keeps giving way
you asked me why m i so hard on myself
i duno why and wish to know why too
i guessed it's the expectations that i have for myself
and what people have of me
that cause me to be this way
i wish to have a simple life too
but can i have one?
it has been this way back in chung cheng and now in tj.
why do i get myself involved in all this shit.
this busy life is keeping my emotions at bay.
i try not to think of you so much anymore.
i have to put an end to it.
could you hold me tight and bring me tru this journey.
to my dearest guardian (if you reads this): sorry if i hurt you. but i really do not have the time now to commit myself. there are other people who are more worthy of you as compared to me.
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it's morning and i m blogging. hahas.
anyway, i m super duper hungry now. contemplating whether to eat bread for breakfast or just go get a full meal as my the bread that i want is not available yet at this hr. argh.
anyway, we clocked arnd 5.5 km on wed for training (: satisfying. hahas. but i did not swim hard and fast for my first main set. cos i was feeling sick from the fever on tues. but felt so much better for the second main set and decided to chiong for it! yeah!
inter-pdp games ytd was crapped. i realised that quite a no. of pdps have something against us is it. what did we do to make them feel like we are mean pple or what. irritating. tug-of-war was fun! (: i guessed we could apply what we do for tug-of-war in swimming. like we need to coordinate, need to pull tgt and stuff. jing hean was caught in the middle when swimming has to go against soccer for tug-of-war. hahas. in the end he nv played but we still win! (:
something bad happened after that. super pissed. spoil my day. shan't elaborate on it. shall see how things go today.
there is training later. argh. we are supposed to have NO TRAINING TODAY AS THERE IS WATER POLO. not that i dun want to train. but we are NOT supposed to train. ok larhs. but well, part of me want to train. ok. we shall train.
talked to quite a no. of swimmmers ytd. Den told me what i should do. i m geared towards that goal! and someone did something. hahas. which really shocked me. but yupp. glad that things are going smooth and i bet it will (: it takes two hands to clap.
ytd talked to huiting after badminton finals. she made me feel so much better.at least i dun feel that i m in a state that i could not get myself out of the trap anymore. at least i dun cry over the slightest thing that someone doesnt do. thanks gurl. i have always like talking to you. and reply my messages kaes (:
the thing that is keeping me strong may seem abit ego. but that's the only thing i can do in order to ensure that i will be over that someone.
i m super duper hungry now. sobs. >.<
your prince charming should be someone who is really worth of you
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down with this fever which came in the midnight. didnt go to school today in the end. heard that lessons were pretty crappy though.
but have to go down for the mazarin presentation in the evening. glad that the judges like our idea (: but i nearly died having to present with the fever.
hope that i could train tmr. cant afford to miss any trainings anymore. and my june schedule is screwed. argh.
i slept so much today. i think i slept like 20 hrs. omg.
i hate this kind of busy life.
i miss him.
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it has been quite long since i updated huhs. life has been so busy since the drama production, with so many tests, trainings blah blah blah. CRAP.
anyway, this is going to be a long post with pics. =)
pics of 4/5/07 and 5/5/07! TJC CHINESE DRAMA PRODUCTION
Ht and I cam whoring before the first day of performance
YW with her apple. Lols
the LAO AH PEHs in my JU. hahahs.
<<少了些什么>>演员
Phebe and i
another lao ah peh of the ju. hahas.
RONG XIN!!! i am easily amused by her. really. the things she does just make me laugh. thanks for the rose and she came down for both production on the two days.
MJ and I. LOVE HER. hahas.
PENG KAI!!! So long never see him le. so surprised to see him on that day. he is still the same old him. LOLS.
Sebas and I. thanks for coming down that day. really appreciate your effort (:
ELVIN! YOU ROCKS MAN! YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD MAN. THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING DOWN DESPITE THE FACT THAT U NOE ON THURS THAT THERE IS ACTUALLY A PRODUCTION ON FRIDAY. THANKS SO MUCH.
WU GUI and i.
Lambador(woof woof) and i
And the pple who made my day on 4/5/07. Thanks for everything.
It's huiting's birthday on 5/5/07! My specially made birthday present for her. She was so touched by it. hahas. anyway, glad that you like the present. =) love you gurl! (i just dun like the fact that u always dun reply my messages, really)
the pic taken before the last performance. SHE IS SO CUTE!
Ht and our make- up stylist. she is very good at doing our make-up. really very good. thanks for dolling us up for both days!
CCHMS pple. Kelvin and Pei Hui can practically tear the whole building down ok. really. they were screaming like hell after the performance. i think an earthquake has happened cos of them. hahas.
AND THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO REALLY REALLY TOUCHED ME SO MUCH THAT I NEARLY CRIED.
they agreed to wear long sleeved collar shirt when they turned up for my performance.
despite not being able to understand chinese that well, they still come down for the production when the whole production is in chinese.
and cheering me on during the performance. (nard and glen called and smsed me during the performance larhs. make me so anxious on stage. hahas)
BUT STILL, YOU PEOPLE ROCKS.
TJC SWIMMERS. WE QUARREL, WE FIGHT, BUT STILL WE UNITE.
Thanks for coming down. (:
GUYS who look like GANGSTERS.
Rach tan and I.
Ivan and I.
Nard and I.
Shu and I
Jie han and I
Glen and I
dont these guys look like gangster advertising their newly opened stall. it was super funny larhs.
the flowers which the swimmers gave. there is this hot pink rose among the other roses.
" You are the ONE ROSE among the many roses"- swimmers. *ultra touched by this sentence*
really happy with the life that i m having now. surrounded by so many nice pple that really brightens up each day of your life though school gets really stressful sometimes.
actually i missed these two days of production alot. i guessed it will be the last time i get to be on stage. that kind of feeling and experience, inexplicable. the many stages which i have performed back in chung cheng. esp the ESPLANADE STAGE which brings back so many memories.
and so i mentioned that there are SO MANY MAY BABIES around me. hahas. i nearly died making all those presents for these impt pple. it's all personalised gifts. thinking of the idea alone nearly drive me crazy. but yeah. glad that you all like it.
Xuande invited us to his hse for his small 21st bday bbq. it was a mini one as he invited only his close friends. nevertheless, it was really fun. =) xuande hoped u enjoyed the night!
we were trying to make the alphabets- CCHSM. can u see that S that xd is making. omg.
.EXCLUSIVE US.
this was the first time i tried an ice-cream cake. it was marvelous. i m going to have one for the birthday man.
THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY THING AT XUANDE HSE. so nicely done right.
hahas.
and so it was sebas bday today. hahas. celebrated for him early. i m so proud of the presents that i made kaes (: lalalala. hmmm. i forgt to take a pic of the presents before i gave it to him larhs. grrgrrr.
anyway, the atm at the restaurant was so nice. i really love the place man.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEBAS!
glad that you like the presents and everything (: it wasnt an MP3 player though. hahas. guess someone will get you that instead bahs.
AND SO IT IS LEFT WITH THE TWO IMPT PPLE IN MY LIFE.
wu xuande and tan huiyi. i m waiting for the bday meetup before u all fly away to enjoy ur trip. huiyi jie, get well soon and take care!
我曾经选择了逃避自己的感觉.我以为我做得到,做得到没有你的陪伴,没有你的存在,没有你的好的时候.但是我发现我错了.我发现我很依赖你,我不能没有你.可是,我又要怎么做才不会伤害到彼此.那种压抑的感觉好痛苦,仿佛随时会窒息…
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i am really high and insane for the past two days. but for duno what reason. hahas.
drama production is tmr! i m kind of excited. it feels good to be on stage again =D
anyway, i am really really touched by the swimmers. not only are they coming down to support me, the guys promised to wear LONG SLEEVE COLLAR SHIRT!!!! if you all read my prev prev post which hanxing's tag wanted me to comment on 5 ths which differ you from others, one of the things are that i fancy is guys wearing long sleeve collar shirt. think that they look very smart and handsome in it. hahas. i thought that i could only see this during Nationals Victory Dinner in july. but the swimmers promised to wear long sleeve collar shirt when they come down for sat's production. but it can dun be black larhs. hahs. i think i shldnt have so many expectations. but thanks people. =) really touched.
and mr loh is back with us! =) training ytd was satisfying. and i actually stayed in school till 1135 PM bcos of the production. i nearly died of fatigue. i was like a zombie already larhs.
mass swim today was hilarious when mr fun wanted us to do the tandem freestyle. hahas. it's weird to hold someone and let the person swim.
i really really treasure the life that i m having now. really happy. i guess that explains why i m pretty high and insane these few days. other than stress from studies esp bio, i guess things are gg pretty alright and i really cant bear to leave everything, esp tj swimming trainings, after Nationals.
hope that tmr's production will be a success!
sorry if i kind of treated you badly.
i really need to concentrate sometimes.
torn btw feelings and reality.
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