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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
Finally, i get to eat my first fish and co just now. totally delicious. swordfish collar- filled with guilt but ironically, happiness. cos finally i can indulged in fish and co after craving for it for duno how many times, and contemplating if i should eat since it's so sinful and stuff. though sinful, no regrets for eating. =D
training today was rather alright. except for the IM sets which i din really care to put in effort. i was like an ah pek swimming the IM set.hahas. that's how Mr Fun describe swimmers when they dun put in effort. but i thought i have to do time trial for 800m- broken time trial of 8 X 100m sets. so if i swim those fly, back, breast, free, i can say byebye to my time trial.
in the end, just as my time trial draws near, the rain came!!!
mixed feelings. one part of me wanted time trial, one part of me din wan. i wouldnt deny that i m afriad to know the outcome, just as how glen was afraid of his 200m at the start of training.
as i tried to convince him to be less anxious and worrried abt his time trial, somehow something struck me hard. aint I afriad of what he is afriad of. then how could i convince him when i couldnt even convince myself. but i think more or less, he is settled after some time.
but still, somehow, as i tried to convince him, i realised that i m not convincing myself at all.
i m afriad of the water, the 800m race, the pulling, the freestyle stroke, most imptly, i cant win this war against myself.
CRAP.
anyway, we have come up with a nick- " we quarrel, we fight, but still we unite" cool. hahas.
cos glen kind of make me angry during wed training. so i decided not to talk to him since wed. hahas. managed to do it till when i saw how anxious he was for his time trial. den as swimmers were enjoying biscuits while waiting for the rain to stop, i decided end this stupid war. hahas. so i gave him a biscuit and tada, the nick came in. super hilarious when everyone heard it. but it's pretty cool isnt it. hahas.
it boils down to, what do i really hope to achieve and can i?
just as i tried to convince u, i realised i cant even convince myself.
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wow. blogging at this weird timing feels weird. hahas.
read someone's blog. it's funny how one contradicts herself. i cant really say much here. not bcos i m afraid she reads it. i know she reads anyway. but well, it's just not the right time.
anyway, i m working towards that goal of scoring As! yupp. am happy abt how motivated i m now. towards studies. currently working hard on LEP which is my weakest subject. dun ask me why. i wanna noe why too. when i really love chinese so much. hahas.
talked to chin hock so much on the bus trip ytd. i just rattle on and on when i feel strongly for something. what are we going to do abt the situation now. i mean not much time is left right. but i understand what he is feeling larhs. but really, i think it's time to really pick ourselves up and put the past behind us. isnt it. but i dun wish to burden anyone abt what i m feeling. esp someone who is unstable also.
training ytd was... hmmm.. 7 words- i m still not giving my best. i duno what's holding me back. but whenever a tough set comes, like 4 x 100m set ytd, i just feel like giving up when i m in the water. i duno why. i know it wont hurt to put in that little bit more effort, but somehow, i just cant. i may seem motivated but i m not.
and mr loh wants us to think of what to swim for nats. at a lost. what should i swim? i m pretty sick of long dist sometyms. cos the feeling of once u jump into the water, u have to complete so many laps just dun feel nice.
ultimately for nats, we are trying to fight for that placing against other schools. we are against other schools isnt it. but why do i feel that we are not. somehow. perhaps it's just cos of a few anyway. it's a competition against other schools ultimately.
mass swim later. i wanna do a time trial. it's time to face up what timing i can really hit adn hence, what events i can really qualify for. but that kind of afraid feeling just hold u back sometimes. no. i m not gg to.
can motivation be a form of medicine which i can indulge in. provide me with that someone.
i really dont wish to see another person who matters so much in my life leaving me again. i really hope that u wont get that call. cos u have always been there for me when i really needed someone to rattle to. i know that decision is for ur own good. it's abt ur future ultimately. nothing is going to hold u back. but i hope, u can stay on and walk this tedious journey with me. i am as afraid as you. but i will stand by u, no matter what ur decision is.
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My 3 days of workshop is FINALLY over. i am dying from it. i wouldnt say i did not enjoy it. It was rather an enriching experience- helping the elderly. Understood the needs of an elderly better. Went to the nursing home which really makes me feel how fortunate i am and of course, never will i ever leave my parents in a home just like that. The elderly there are so lonely and they really long for someone to talk to them. One of them is so happy over the fact that she has a soft toy cat. cos at least, there is something to accompany her. rather than people whom she duno and how to talk to. and she got really happy when we drew something for her. and a uncle actually cried when we talked to him. but as what Jeremy says, we should empathise rather than sympathise.
and we are supposed to do this prototype on improving needs of the elderly. and my grp won! was so happy. hahas. we really put in much effort to do the prototype. and one of our ideas is actually comparable to a reputable company like the 3M. :)
however, well, life werent that interesting afterall for the past three days. i was worn out like shit. Monday went down for swim team camp after the workshop though i was down with a slight fever. but it was worth the trip.
the "BIG ARGUMENT" game was hilarious. We gave them a list of things to find like Zebra, Chicken's feathers, Banana Skin. hahas. Of course, no one can find this thing off hand just like that. it needs imagination.
so Lenard actually took off his pants to show us that he actually has a bright hot pink swimming trunks when that was just his swimming cap. he said he is hot and that is pink in colour and the fact that it is worn on him= bright hot pink swimming trunks. -_-| but well, he really took off his pants and u know. oh well. it's gross. hahas.
then the Chicken feathers one. Lenard said that he chicken out for the banana skin one since the judges dun approve and so he is a chicken and sherman went to pluck feathers (the actual thing is leaves) from him so that makes the chicken feathers. hilarious.
the Mr Francis' Tong leg hair one was super funny too.
after that, year twos went to buy breakfast for the swimmers. ivan and jiehan bought wine. tasted some. ok. for once, the wine that they bought tasted nice. hahas. it dun have that kind of bitter taste. more of fruit taste.
i tried to sleep for the night but couldnt. daryl tan, chin hock, ivan, sue chee were talking abt so many things which i couldnt sleep at all. and jiehan was POSSESSED. hahas. super hilarious.
the next morning was the workshop again. i was rather inactive for the whole thing. cos i felt really sick. in the end, finally it ended and went home. slept for i duno how long and woke up with a even higher fever. how great. i couldnt go dwn for the class bbq in the end. i heard abt some stuff. but whatever it is, it doesnt really matter, cos comments from those pple who do not really matter to me will of course hold no importance and no weight to me at all. i think u are more of a liar to me. particularly angry at a particular person who made a brainless comment. a hollow brain indeed.
there is training tmr. should i go? i think i will feel even worse if i go. but... i miss training with the swimmers. hmmm.
pics!
Whole crew of the 3rd Drama Competition
The waiter and I =)
HAPPY us at Vi'lage. Not BER-LA-J
Hanxing, Xuande and I at Vi'lage.
Huiyi and i! =) i think it's pretty sweet.
Xuande and I with swensens' Earthquake. i ate it for consequtive two days. so sinful larhs. but it tasted so nice. =P
took b4 hanxing said byebye to us!
Earthquake! it rocks!
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Know why there is so much bubbling/ smoke. Cos clever xuande decided to explore the thing at the centre by opening it and pouring water into the whole thing. and tada. it starts bubbling and a whole lot of smoke came out. he even wanted to put chilli. --_-|
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FINALLY. TEN WEEKS GONE. I M TIRED. REALLY TIRED.
i duno how my life would be like when term two comes.
anyway, i am really happy today (: for some reasons. hahas.
but i m suffering from withdrawal symptoms of no training. din manage to go down for training cos of drama stuff. i really missed training and wanted to go down so much. but well, i wouldnt be able to make it back for rehearsal on time. but joined the swimmers for dinner at Fish and CO. i MUST try their food soon! the sword fish of glen's look so nice. *temptation* but i CANT EAT. cos i din train! >.<
but delifrance rocks too! hahas. there were so many nice pastries today. we should go down to parkway for dinner after training larhs. the food there is more happening and delicious.
it was swensens after Fish and CO.- Ivan's treat. this time we chose the right flavours for our Earthquake. hahas. i couldnt control my laughter at Swensens at all larhs. it was really funny. Glen's levis JEANS = GENES, the "running" thing, the road run thing, the guess we have for prom, hahas. really funny. ok. i cant laugh so much.
I think i cant do w/o training with the swimmers, without lunch/dinner with them, w/o crapping with them. i will suffer from serious withdrawal symptoms once i cant train or eat with them. we will never grow sick of each other. (:
people whom i cant live w/o with.
love her to bits.
fianlly huiwen is taking photos with us!
CNY- LAO YU SHENG
the three who nv stops zi-lian-ing. hahas.
Undyingly, our friendship progresses with time, the ones that we know we can truely rely on r the CCHS gang, an invisible yet strong bonds that stretches thru boundaries and globe. Its really hard to come by, probably the 1 & only in our lifetime. Am sure deep in, all of us felt the same too, its there. The Source of Assurance. Somewhr n how, we know we have been missed as we miss one another too.
-credits to Xuande.
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PICTURES OF NTU SURF AND SWEAT 2007 =)
ME with my JACK AKA ROSE.
ME with SUE!
Let's have another shot! *cheese*
Ok. the LAST one. >.<
Swimmers at NTU SURF AND SWEAT 2007! =) oh excluding the CHIN KAI behind. hahas. the person who take off his pants in the middle of the footpath when everyone was racing. of course he got wear something else lahs. but it just look obseen. hahas.
my half day today was gone just like that. BOO!
training after a half day is never nice. you see everyone going home and waving goodbye to you and ask, why aint u going home.
pyramid sets for training. din realise that it was a pyramid until like the 3 x 100m sets when we fall back down. i could not remember what exactly did we do. all i remembered was putting in fins, paddles, taking them out and putting them in again. and the many IM sets which i dread. everytime when i swim IM, it just feel like i m like going for a leisure swim. Cos i just dont wanna waste my energy doing a set that i know i just cant make it. Alright. perhaps my mentality is so wrong.
However, the 5 x 100m freestyle made me felt really trained. all the lactic acid build up. a great sense of satisfaction after doing it (:
Mr Loh's sets are getting more and more interesting. hahas.
and i m really happy about something that happened (:
i could not overcome that barrier at all. all those negative thoughts just kept coming in when... yah. oh well. how great.
seeing the Alevels results on fri got me really motivated. perhaps not for the main subjects. i wanna brush up my weaker subjects and get those As. but it's really scary should your name dun appear in the 3As or 4As category when u wanted it so much. HAIX. >.< i shall be a mugger from now on! yeah. like real. hahas.
yeah! meeting up with huiyi, xuande and hanxing on sat. i just love meeting them up. cos it's 101% fun! perhaps chung cheng pple just relate better. hahas. how i wish they are in TJ or something. so i can see them like everyday. then huiyi will zilian with me everyday. and crap with me everyday. hahas. i just love them to bits.
someone was really sad and unhappy today. and when i asked the reason, you said nothing. but i know you felt something. wanted to drop u a msg to ask what happened, but i guessed u would keep quiet abt it. hope that u will cheer up! =)
going back to drama brings me so much memories. the stages which i have acted in. awww. the people who walked and leave footprints in my life.
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