All That I've Got

Monday, February 12, 2007
-1:38:00 PM-

Everytime when i opened the window in blogger, i m at a lost of what to type. Have a lot to type actually. but just well, lose all the thoughts everytime i opened this window.

Have been thinking if i should continue working hard for that goal. I am really motivated from inside. but everytime, once i touched it, i lost all the motivation, the goals, the passion. To believe it or not, I am scared of it now. i dont want to enter it. i am going for the sake of another goal. but not that destination. would i say that i am tired. not exactly. but am afraid to know the results. to know that all my hard work would be to no avail. to know that i cant reach that goal. that goal is really far. really really far. i duno how am i going to improve till the point that i could achieve what i expected of myself and what people expect of me.

it makes u feel even more suffocated when no one understands what u are going through, thinking that u could make it eventually. when no, u jolly know that u couldnt. I dont want to disappoint those who have high hopes of me, i really dont want. but my limits are really reached. i have really tried. but i dont know what exactly is holding me back to try harder. I really dont know and really really desperately wish to know.

all those negative thoughts start coming once i enter it. i couldnt get it off my mind. i know it is affecting me greatly. but those negative thoughts just haunt me once i enter till i leave. how m i supposed to perform my peak. I really dont know. sometimes, i wonder, perhaps i should give up cos it would mean nothing in the end. but on the other hand, i wanna work hard cos there is that teeny weeny possibility that i could achieve something that i have never know.

i am really in a dilemma. i know i have to make a decision soon.but who can. when u are faced with two different perspectives which you may or may not achieve.

SIGH. time is running out.

on another note, just saw something on huiyi's blog which what she said is really true. at least, widening one's social circle tru clubbing is definitely not a sensible option. What exactly is the friendship through clubbing build on? and girls stooping themselves so low just to get a free drink?

Well, too many things have happened for the past week which really sets me thinking.

and something happened which really made me feel that i have to be mean towards some pple who just dont have brains and have only put themselves at the centre of the world, never thinking of other people's feelings.

and on a happier note, angeline could come tj to join us le! yeah! =D so happy for qi en and her. they are able to be in the same college. and angeline could help us with someone. LOL. =)

i hope my Vday present could succeed. and yw asked me if i m making someth special which really sets me thinking if i should.

and stupid huiting refuses to tell me what's the thing that is really so special that is going to happen on WED. GRR.

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