All That I've Got

Saturday, December 16, 2006
-8:53:00 PM-

have u ever cried and duno the reason why.

i duno why. really duno wad triggered those tears. it's jus empty empty and empty.

thought about quite a no. of things as i walked back that familiar path. sometimes, i really feel like giving up so much. it's like wad's the point of holding on when u know that there wont be a happy ending eventually. wad's the use of spending so much time, so much effort when it's nothing in the end. it kinda demoralised me. i expected this to come after my thailand trip. but i din expect it to come so soon, so fast that i duno how to manage it. i really feel like giving up. i really wanna give up. cos i see no light in the end. i duno. i m kind of at my wits' end. i have done whatever i can to improve the situation. but now. i m kinda run out of solutions. and i duno how. the passion, the love has kind of died. it makes u feel like a weakling. no matter how much i try, it would still mean nth in the end. then wad's the point of holding on.

"do u like being drenched in the rain"
"no. why would u like to be drenched"
"cos it would kind of make u feel that ur troubles are being washed away with the rain"

i cant help thinking why i m such an emotional person. sometimes, i would rather be someone who dun think so much. it kind of struck me that i m jus plain silly to think that my troubles would be washed away by the rain. sometimes, it makes u feel even worse.

it kind of reminded me why i treasured the frenship with yawen so much. cos during the first three months, we would share this kind of silly thinkings with each other. and would tear for reasons that pple would never think of. but things aren't the same anymore. for some reasons.

i miss the ROYALTIES clique.
*yawen, feng ling, huiting, qien, darren, elvin, clarence, huiyi, janet, robin, huimin" i miss my dearest huiting who is in taiwan now. i miss the first three months. i miss the times when we have so many outings. steamboat, overnight stay at airport, bbq, k-box sessions blah blah blah. the overnight stay at the airport was the most wonderful ever. the games we played, the noise we made, the laughter we had. we are just an emotional lot. that would think so much regarding simple things.

the "note-taking princess" misses each and everyone of u. especially elvin, clarence and janet, who left tj.

i m starting to accept the fact that we are from two different worlds. but have not really accepted it fully yet. i hoped i m given the time to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

i wanna be a strong gurl, a happy gurl that could face up to the harsh reality of life. but i guess, i couldnt at the moment. unless i can kill the emotional side of mine.

"have u ever felt that there is this inner self of yours that wish to stand out"

yes. i did.

in no mood to blog about the thailand trip and the many things that happened. next time bahs.

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