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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
year twos swimmers' farewell today. rach, me, shuqi, daryl, chin hock were late for like 1 hr plus. lols. got ivan his present. i like to see the happy faces when pple say they like the present. =)
and something really embarrassing happened to me before i meet rach. it's really embarrassing. only my three darlings know it. lols. and i wonder did i speak too loudly that others know it too. i mus really really learn how to speak discreetly from now on. glen actually heard something which was not meant to be heard by him. so paiseh. but anyway, i really did not want anything from anyone cos the presents are jus small tokens. hope u all like it bahs.
the pencil box was really nice. i din expect rach to take my words that seriously. it was jus a casual remark. but mum actually washed the Billabong pencil box for me already. should i use theirs? kinda cant bear to use the pencil box by them cos it's really meaningful. really love it loads.
the food was nice too. ate alot. ok. i cant lose the momentum to lose weight! but the food was really tempting.
ktw at ivan's club was fun but too short. guessed we went down too late. sue sang the song. really nice. got pretty emo during the ktv. sometyms, u jus wish to cry ur heart out. talked to zenia about quite a no. of things. thanks for approaching. it jus makes u feel better.
beer was pretty bitter. i guessed if there was wine, i would have drank it and wldnt mind getting another hangover. got pretty tempted to drink more of the beer. but it's too bitter.
wanted to go Balcony but could not enter due to the new underage rule. kinda miss the clubbing session which we had on the 26th of nov. how we tried to persuade rach to stay on was really funny. we kept pulling her. i tink if there was someone looking at us, he will tink that rach is being raped by us. lols.
starbucks for discussion for fashion show. sounds alright. hope that it wld be a success.
i dun wanna be a year two. cos life is gonna sucks so much next year. the stress, the expectations, the work load, the burden blah blah blah. i wanna live in my lala land. i dun wan hols to end. though everyday has been a kind of routine to me and i m getting pretty sick of hanging out, but at least, there is no stress.
there is a danger in loving somebody too much.
love jus aint enough.
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whee~ had a fun fun tym at kaiting, huiyi and xuande's chalet ytd. as usual, their chalet is well-planned and the food totally rocks. mr lee is a great cook. i tasted the best ever bbq stingray ytd. it's jus delicious. oh and huiwen brought oreo cheesecake and brownies there (prepared by herself) and it's so tasty that u cant resist it. but well, if i eat all the brownies, i tink i will gain all my wt back. so i tried to not look at the brownies and cheesecakes. hahas.
the oreo cheesecake~
the brownies~
me and xuande. he is so different from the past. he slimed down alot alot alot. he knows alot about diet and he taught me toning! though i haven really put it into practice. will do it when sch reopens.hahas. and he said that i slimed down too~ lalala. =) thanks~!
huiyi and i~ i love this pic alot. though it's abit dark. all the nice pics are in huiyi's 3.2 mega pixels handphone! send me send me send me! lol.
the cute mr lee and xuande. mr lee was like saying he dun wanna stand bside xuande anymore. cos in the past, they used to look the same. now not anymore. if u get wad i mean. so mr lee is trying to pose in such a way that he will look the same as xuande. lol.
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they look like a happy family to me, cooking dinner.FOR ME. lol.
we were trying to do a funky pose. but all those nice ones that we took are in huiyi's 3.2 mega pixels handphone. not alot of nice ones in my cam. shall wait for her to send me.
so these are the people!
and hunag lao shi! hahas. she remembered me. cos of the esplanade performance. ya. that role that i acted. so many memories man.
totally love chung cheng to bits. catching up with these cchms pple and teachers makes ur heart filled with warmth and happiness. that kind of familiar feeling and atmosphere. miss chung cheng. miss the four years. miss the many stages that i have acted on, especially the esplanade stage. miss the people. miss the teachers!
i tink huiyi, xuande and yongkuan should really go and set up an "organising chalet" company. they are really pro at organising. no disappointment when u have them. guaranteed. hahas.
thanks to all, esp huiyi and xuande for giving me such a wonderful night.
"no matter wad happens, we still love u"
quoted from huiyi and xuande. =)
i dun wish to be bothered by those stuff anymore. it's not worth it. wad's the point of shedding tears when there is no appreciation shown at all. wadever larhs. pissed.
and shuqi, u are such a darling man. hahas. dun float on the cloud too much. later u fall kaes. =P
whee. i love festive season. that kind of atmosphere. yeah!
and yahs, certainly looking forward to the many meetups with the many pple that are happening next week!
and to all LEP students : Peng lao shi wants all LEP students to read the blogs of young members of parliament as there will be a survey conducted next year.
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i still duno how. i really feel like giving up. it keeps bothering me. makes me think of so much things. hais. like how. i really duno. i really lost the feel. trying to get it back. SIGH. i duno how. and it's irritating when it keeps bothering u.
i love those talks with shuqi. no wonder she is my rose. haha. understanding and caring. love u to bits. it has been so so so so long since i see u can!!! hope to see her for the last training. but nevertheless, i will see her anyway. =)
happy to meet up with jiayi today. it has been ages since we met and really go out. shared some thoughts with her. withdrawal symptoms sucks. yahs. no one like to suffer from it. hope she is recovering.
perhaps i took ur words too seriously. but it jus kinda irritates me sometyms. but well, ok. it's my problem.
two different worlds can never exist. i understand that. but i m sinking deeper when i chose not to believe at times. just controlling. hais.
i love the autopilot feeling. cos it makes u feel that u could really jus cut tru the water freely. it makes u forget the many troubles that u have. it lets u float away to ur lala land. but that autopilot feeling is hard to get.
i still haven get a present for him.
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have u ever cried and duno the reason why.
i duno why. really duno wad triggered those tears. it's jus empty empty and empty.
thought about quite a no. of things as i walked back that familiar path. sometimes, i really feel like giving up so much. it's like wad's the point of holding on when u know that there wont be a happy ending eventually. wad's the use of spending so much time, so much effort when it's nothing in the end. it kinda demoralised me. i expected this to come after my thailand trip. but i din expect it to come so soon, so fast that i duno how to manage it. i really feel like giving up. i really wanna give up. cos i see no light in the end. i duno. i m kind of at my wits' end. i have done whatever i can to improve the situation. but now. i m kinda run out of solutions. and i duno how. the passion, the love has kind of died. it makes u feel like a weakling. no matter how much i try, it would still mean nth in the end. then wad's the point of holding on.
"do u like being drenched in the rain"
"no. why would u like to be drenched"
"cos it would kind of make u feel that ur troubles are being washed away with the rain"
i cant help thinking why i m such an emotional person. sometimes, i would rather be someone who dun think so much. it kind of struck me that i m jus plain silly to think that my troubles would be washed away by the rain. sometimes, it makes u feel even worse.
it kind of reminded me why i treasured the frenship with yawen so much. cos during the first three months, we would share this kind of silly thinkings with each other. and would tear for reasons that pple would never think of. but things aren't the same anymore. for some reasons.
i miss the ROYALTIES clique.
*yawen, feng ling, huiting, qien, darren, elvin, clarence, huiyi, janet, robin, huimin" i miss my dearest huiting who is in taiwan now. i miss the first three months. i miss the times when we have so many outings. steamboat, overnight stay at airport, bbq, k-box sessions blah blah blah. the overnight stay at the airport was the most wonderful ever. the games we played, the noise we made, the laughter we had. we are just an emotional lot. that would think so much regarding simple things.
the "note-taking princess" misses each and everyone of u. especially elvin, clarence and janet, who left tj.
i m starting to accept the fact that we are from two different worlds. but have not really accepted it fully yet. i hoped i m given the time to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
i wanna be a strong gurl, a happy gurl that could face up to the harsh reality of life. but i guess, i couldnt at the moment. unless i can kill the emotional side of mine.
"have u ever felt that there is this inner self of yours that wish to stand out"
yes. i did.
in no mood to blog about the thailand trip and the many things that happened. next time bahs.
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yeah! my thailand trip! the long awaited one. feel pretty excited but cant bear to leave singapore. though it's not a very long trip, but considering the fact that i see the swimmers everyday for this hols, it's kinda sad that i wont see them everyday now. =(
ytd training was alright. except the 6 x 100m set. i felt so much like giving up after the 2nd set. cos i totally cant catch my breath. and i only have 10 seconds of rest in btw each set. but thanks to the swimmers. made me hang on till the very last set. i really thought that i wouldnt be able to make it.
thanks for the LONG LONG LUNCH ytd. it's really nice. vi'lage food rocks. though i ate wedges only. haha. and glendon and ivan let me try theor ice cream crepes totally awesome. ivan kept saying how heavenly the rosti and ice cream crepes were. haha.
and since it was near somerset, went down to ivan's club to ktv! the lists of songs are so many that i m kinda lost at wad to sing. haha. and neritta singing rocks. Gurl, sing more! dun be shy. my singing queens : ms sue and neritta. both of their singing is excellent. dun believe, hear them sing and u will certainly agree with me.
oh and neritta goggles is really cute. cos it's kinda reflective. it makes me see the world differently. haha. i love her goggles. will get one should i see the same one. =)
as usual, have heart to heart talks too~ we chatted for like one plus hr to two hrs. wow.haha.
went down to fish and co just now to meet up with the swimmers too. haha. actually didnt plan to meet them since ivan was there and we couldnt discuss wad we want. but i just well. wanna spend more tym with the swimmers. so went down anyway. discussed about the party thing. i tink the cost would be pretty high. but the food looked nice. hees. and then the swimmers went down to far east. guessed they are still shopping now? lol.
i m so glad that my gurl talked to me again. =) really really sorry for not telling u about the lunch-ing thing. really sorry. but am really glad that things are like the past before i fly off. or else i would keep thinking and thinking, worrying and worrying.
i couldnt do much work. have been spending tym playing. =( dun think i can go out that much after i come back to thailand. school is going to reopen and hafta study le. =(
hope the swimmers enjoy lunch with trixie, ying jie and samuel tmr!
jiayou swimming pple~!
miss the swimmers, trainings, lunch-ing, partying and so many more!
and hope i could buy alot alot alot of stuff from thailand. haha. i m going there prepared with money! lol.
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gym today. pretty slack. >.< Just kinda chatting away while gyming. lol. but very satisfied with my bench press. though i duno if i cheated on some of it or not. hope to lift higher than 33 kg next time. =)
yeah. i want my long long lunch with the swimmers tmr! i hope many could make it. just wanna spend more time together with them. i guessed some would noe the reason why.
thanks my dear shuqi (rose) for giving me so much assurance that nothing would happen. thanks for being such a darling. u sounded so serious when we ended the phone call. but nevertheless, thanks for everything. it really means alot. i really hoped i wont feel that bad after i come back from thailand. love u to bits.
mugging with sebas was quite alright. but he tempted me with fries. and i ate. >.< hees. uh oh. okies. dun tempt me next time kaes. hahaha.
i m looking forward yet not for my thailand trip.
i m feeling very distant from u. what happened to u.
i hope i hope i hope i will see u.
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there is training tmr! =) it's kinda my last two trainings before i go off. and i m missing 3 water trainings. =(
my stamina still not there on friday. =( but will work hard de! yeah! love swim swim swim. =)
went to my auntie's house ytd. heard quite a no. of things. ehs. have no comments though. i tink is complicated. no. it should be very complicated. haiz. but i think for me, no matter wad my parents have done, i would still support them when i grew up. i mean, they are my parents afterall. but well, i would say maybe is cos i never have really really nasty parents, so i wouldnt know how it feels.
studied with sebas today. saw jing yi and qian qian when we were studying. and i m totally addicted to that adorable kid. he is so so so so cute. love kids so much. i dun understand why pple say they dun like kids. love hugging them, playing with them, pinching them. lol.
i bought an addidas shirt! it's very cheap larhs. and it's so nice. and my parents want me to wear only when we go bangkok. -_-| i was tinking of wearing it soon. and my parents were like, ok. u shall wear this shirt when we take the plane to bangkok. -_____________-|||||||
the swimmers are going balcony tmr!!!!!!! i cant go =((((((( my parents are kinda unhappy when i hang out too much last week and fell sick. so no going out for me.
=((((( i wanna go out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the swimmers!!!!!!!!!!!! sad. hais. balcony!!! hais. hope they have fun tmr!
i have that gut feeling that i will feel distant after the trip. i duno. i m damn scared. i dun wan this to happen. they mean alot to me. if that were to happen, i would rather not go bangkok at all. and my gut feeling is always right. no. i dun wan.
i m enjoying that kind of special feeling, attention that u always give me. maybe is that i m tinking too much. but i really really hope that things stay on this way. at least dun wake me up from those dreams.
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