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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
it hurts when two years plus of frenship is not comparable to a few months one. u lied to me. and that's the most hurting of all. ok. mayb i misunderstood. but there is no point in seeking out the truth now.
goldfish aint with me now. ok. her words dun act on me now. i have given in to that kind of thinking again. which is the worst of all. at this time. this period. when promos are coming and i shouldnt be thinking so much. and tears wld make me sleepy and there goes my mugging.
i shldnt be tinking so much. why am i always bugging myself with this kind of things when it's not worth it at all. wad exactly went wrong. cld someone jus enlighten me?
i m jus a teeny weeny character in this big big world that my existence means nothing to anyone.
sometimes, perhaps, i shld jus vanish from this world. but i din have the courage to do so.
COURAGE.
okies. i shldnt have seen that thing which makes me tink so much.
two papers dwn for goldfish. i guessed both of us are all stressed out but we dun wish to say anyth about it for fear that it wld trigger off each other's tears endlessly and ceaselessly.
goldfish, jia you kaex? i look forward to the days after promos.
korkor. goldfish. jonice. james. zhiwei. minmin.
WE MUST JIA YOU KAEX?
everyone mus achieve their aim!
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i practically slacked for the whole day today.>.< sighs. oh well. i really need a break. i cant take it animore. and i cant mug without goldfish. i dun wanna be so dependent on her.
i tink that different pple have different expectations of themselves. i dun like it when pple think that i m jus talking crap when i felt really discouraged by my studies. it's not always that i can perform well. and there are really times when i felt really discouraged. and all i get it was. pls lahs. u performed so well in the past. dun be so paranoid. performing well in the past is not equal to i will always perform well. in promos or wadeva. i mean. i really cant cope with certain subjects sumtimes. i really cant rem/ memorise all the stuff. i mean i know my limits very well. just like now. i totally have no confidence for my promos. but all i get was. well. i dun wanna say much.
it's only goldfish who understands. she knows wad i mean and why i said that. i mean i have that kind of expectations for myself. if i dun achieve it, of course i will feel sad. like who wont. it's a matter of different pple have different expectations. yah. if u get wad i mean. i duno hw to bring my point across.
and sry if i really hurt u. i m really sry. i noe sumhw i go back on my words. i m like tat when i felt really stressed up by studies. just give me three more wks. pls. dun leave me alone during these three weeks. all i cld say is SORRY. i noe it doesnt mean anyth to u nw. since u r really angry with me.
just three more weeks.
and i mus do alot of things after promos.
the list of things:
go swimming with goldfish and teach her too!
go kbox with goldfish and jonice and sufen
go watch movie with goldfish.
go to ******* to eat =P
prepare someone's bday present.
accompany someone where ever he wants to go.
meet up with ehs. alot. jus wan a meet up with pple whom i haven meet up for long!
go bangkok! hahs. i love this man. hees.
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quite happy with my performance today.
but jus felt kinda weird when goldfish isnt arnd to mug with me. >.<
hahs.
and luckily daddy is at home today.
who helped me tidy my rm (cos i complained of the fact that there r cockroaches in my room!!!!!!!!!! and it's cos well, my room is bside the kitchen. so hurhem. nan me will have cockroaches)
and he did alot of chores. like tidy my bro's room, cleaning the hse, blah blah blah.
i jus love my daddy.
oh and caro, mj! still rem the ehs. "balloon" soft toy which u all gave me for my bday on ehs. sec two izzit? hahs. it was pretty dirty. and my daddy wanted to throw it away! and no! i dun allow. hahs. so he tried ways and means to get the air out. lols. so that can clean the ehs. soft toy. hahs. so now. the soft toy is cleaned! hees.
sighs. daddy not at home tmr le. needa go work le. which means. i dun wanna mug at home. cos will tink alot. slack alot. >.<
i jus need company.
goldfish called me to motivate me to study.
v sweet of her lahs.
hahs
it really made me hang on and cont to study.
the conversation was kinda funny though.
she was like
HUIMIn!!!!! wad r u dd nw?
me: studying. why?
goldfish: i tell u hor. u mus study kaex. cannot sleep, cannot slack kaex. must study kaex?
so the conversation went on and she hang up with : huimin! mus cont to study kaex.
so i mus study. hahs.
and simin sweetie! hang on kaex? dun tink so much le. anyth, jus call me again! u wont interrupt me de. that's wad frens are for!
i din have the courage to pick up the phone and called him. hmmm.
okies. it's really late now. gonna go le. tata.
a meal a day keep the calories away~ whee.
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moody.
sighs.
alot of things have been gg tru my mind.
quite a no. of things happened today and talked about quite a no. of stuff.
i jus.
hais.
i duno.
i m confused
i m v emo
i m tinking alot
i jus wanna cry.
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Life has been pretty the same. mugging, studying, mugging, studying. and wad else. of course, there are many ups and dwns that have been gg round but i decided to leave it aside. Goldfish words have somehw made me woke up and realised tht it's no pt brooding over things that don matter. well, perhaps this may have turn me inhuman. but before that, think of the times when i tried to take initiative. when i m hurt. when i care so much. and all u did was nothing. oh. u only hurt me deeper. so well, dun blame me for being so inhuman now. i tink i m happier this way. i m no longer hurt. i no longer care. my world is different. and ya. u aint gonna disrupt my life.
went back to cchms ytd. talked to the usual teachers. hahs. have a fun time talking to them. and i saw WANTING!!! oh man. she has becum so pretty lahs. *inferior* lol. PRETTY GAL! miss the time in sec two when we were so close. and oh, ur fish and chips. still rememeber? when u helped us to settle the conflict among me, mj and carol. and u din get to eat ur fish and chips. and tian tian too. awww. i miss this times man. we were jus so innocent.
i love mugging with goldfish. she is forever not giving up. den why should i? yeah! we must mug hard and jia you! =))
i ate dim sum today = fats build up. argh. sighs. ok. i shall refrain frm such little treats until training starts. but dim sum is nice. with jie. =)
my swimming skills has deproved. =( demoralising. sighs. i cant get the stupid high elbow lahs. my arm hurts. >.<
u chose to turn me inhuman.
and to someone if he ever knows: it's not me who wan ths to turn out like this. pls get to the bottom of the matter b4 throwing ur temper at me. i guess we cant communicate that well anymore.
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