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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
though the prob is still unsolved, but at least, i spent my weekend happily and fruitfully. =)
thanks to huiting and angeline for talking to me ytd. yupps. i love the huiting hum dee dum. lols. i tink hum dee dum is cute. hahs. and angelline, u really have a mature thinking. and dun misunderstood me about that day when u went dwn to support turtle k. it was not ur fault. as wad i said. =)) it's just i dun wish to see sumths.
and i managed to clock a gd timing for 2.4!!!! lalalala. hees. imagine last yr back in cchms my 2.4 is FAIL de lehs. now i improved so much. tralalalala. hahs. thanks to swimming. SWIMMING ROCKS~~ BUT TJC SWIM TEAM ROCKS MORE~~~ lols.
my weekend has been spent on LEP. sighs. i cant believe i spent so much time on it. >.<
i realised i have alot to blog when i dun cum here to blog. but when i blog, i have nth to blog. get it?lols.
the stress of promos is building up as the days go by. hais.
and i will mug with my dear carol on my bday week!!! hum dee dum!!! lols. and we will mug at .... =X secret. hahs. but hors. no distractions k. from the one who stole my lollipop. ok lahs. not steal. but kip wanting to have one. =P
i m 4kg away from my "ideal" weight i set b4 20th of aug comes. argh. i din manage to lose any this week. hmm. and my dear ms sue has taught me a way of saving money. i guess i will start soon. i can lose wt this way too. but needa "gope" some food from mummy in the morning.
i love the MUGGING MiNMiN. good ger. lols. as quoted from huiting. "good ger" hahs.
the interview for mazarin is still alright. but i tink the competition is tough. hmmm.
let's post sum pics! totally random. hahs.
TJC SWIM TEAM~~~
the clique~ but w/o me n yawen. cos we needa hold the cams. and darren, robin is in charge of pushing dihui into the swimming pool behind~~~ hahs.
after he ma is pushed into the pool.
okies. shall stop here. wanna go mug le.
and stupid he ma. can u dun always call me send ya gd night msg. bleahs. ur standards so not norm and my gd night msg aint for passing arnd. =P lalala
i wanna be happy. hw i wish there is no sch tmr. and so i wont see and needa face up with those hurtful actons.
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i cldnt stop those tears anymore.
it jus went out of control today.
i dun wish to act as if nth happen and i dun care anymore.
it hurts. it really does.
u said u understood me so many times.
but in actual fact do you.
in fact, it hurts even more when u said that u understood me ample times.
when u din noe that u r actually the one that i m crying for.
tolerance.
i have tried to put on a brave front for 4 months.
but i really cldnt take it anymore.
(unicode to view)
你说你最了解我了
知道我这次一哭
就不能停下来了
可是为什么你就是不了解我哭的原因呢?
如果你是那么地了解我
为什么你根本都没察觉到你每一分每一秒所做的事
都狠狠地刺进我心口呢?
现在的我
已是被你的每一刀
刺得死去活来
可是最痛心的是
刺伤我的人
不是我的敌人
不是我的仇人
而是那位口口声声说他是最了解我的人...
我的心真的死了
i promised to type this entry without shedding a single tear.
but apparently i could not.
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was doing my EOM. but faced with many distractions. i have been troubled with this topic for too many times that i have grown so tired of it and seems to not care about anything anymore. in the end, i lost faith and hurt those who actually care.
that day during clit, mr tang was going through this article about friendship. i was really curious about what is the meaning of "yi zhi" which the author din really elaborate on it. i learnt quite abit from the passage. sometimes i wonder, what kind of friendship would then be deemed as something that is worth you trying to maintain it, and what are those that are said like in the passage- "gai1 po4 sui4 de4 jiu4 rang4 ta1 po4 sui4"?
i dun wish to bother myself with people who do not care. but sometimes that is human nature isnt it. when the person do not care, the more you will want to care and in turn neglecting those who really cares. i duno. i have been trying to find a chance to talk to her. but our timetable is simply too tight to even sit down and have a short chat. let alone this. but seriously, i m pissed off.
i guessed many things have changed after the results are out. we are unable to find that kind of feelings that we have JUST a few weeks ago. when the results aint out yet. have we run out of topics. or are we really that distant. or do you find no value in maintaining a worthless (literal sense) friendship.
there are alot of empty talks going arnd.
telling someone that you will be there for her when you need her isnt that simple as just writing, smsing or saying that sentence and it means that everything would be alright. it means putting words into actions. are you really there for her when she needs you? or are you just saying without doing anything? are you willing to sacrifice your time to really be with her when she really needs you? dont jus talk without actions. it's meaningless. really. i wld rather that you have never said that sentence before.
Also, dont promise something when you know you cant fufill it. it only makes it more hurtful.
i m hurt. and i have hurt others too.
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here is a story btw the he ma, he yu and turtle.
one day, turtle, he ma and he tun was left in the canteen. they were studying in the TJ canteen. Then the he ma went to refill his water bottle and he came back, saying that the water bottle gets dented so easily. (the water bottle was a birthday present from the river family) he "scolded" he tun for it. he tun was angry for getting blamed for nothing. he ma continued his scolding and explored turtle's water bottle which was on the table and he SPRAYEED WATER on he yu. he tun decided to seek revenge. so she snatched the water bottle over. turtle decided to help he tun. turtle says" u can recharge the water bottle by tilting the water bottle over" (can spray more water thhis way ad tutle's water bottle has very little water left)
so he tun went about spraying water on the stupid he ma who scolded her and sprayed water on her for nothing. somehw,he ma managed to snatch (wad kind of gentleman he is) the water bottle from he tun and sprayed more water on he tun. he tun den duno do wad to the water bottle and poor turtle's maths paper was drowned in water. >.< turtle cld only say "wo shi wu gu de!" poor him. he was jus doing his maths homework innocently in the TJ canteen and got sprayed by water and there goes his homeowork. but he tun was kind enough to apologise to him. =) sorry turtle! but it wasnt he tun's fault afterall. >.<
i guess after everything is over, my mood wld get better.
i love shopping with simin sweetie. =)
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in the hub now. i totally have no mood to go library to mug or wadever shit. yahs. everyone seems to have woken up from jct and pia-ing for promos or sumth. and yet, i haven do anyth yet. i haven woken up from my dreams. yah. that kinda dreams.
these two weeks are zooming past me. jcts, nationals, lessons. everyth is zooming past me.
i really cldnt wake myself up.
my mood is still the same. i m really. sighs. it has been so long since i have that kind of feeling. it has been so long since those kind of emotions overwhelm me. so long. but yet. it's back. it's affecting me so much. i seems to be a person on sleeping pills. i jus kept sleeping and sleeping cos i dun wanna wake up to reality.
why. i duno.
perhaps when that issue is over, i wldnt be wad i m now.
but on the other hand, when the reality sets in,will i be able to take it.
why m i troubled by this kinda thing once again.
it has given me enuff trouble two years ago.
and now.
it's back
AGAIN.
i dread it.
dun irritate me these few days. i m in a highly bad tempered mode. get it? no? den get lost for all i care.
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i m in such a bad mood today. sighs. felt so irritated ytd that i went to sleep at a super early time without even waiting for ms sue to call me. sorry ms sue. went to slp without telling u. i m really irritated. for duno wad reason.
the first th i did was to flare up at he ma. yah. somehw, i felt that i cant take his jokes animore. when i used to be able to.
had my FIRST ever LAND mass PE.ran 4 rounds round the track. 4 rounds? quite chicken feet lahs. lol. as compared to the 6.2km we swam, running 4 rounds is nth now. and somemore i tink we were moving at a tortoise pace.
had chem. sucks. cos i cldnt conc at all. my mind is with the swim team. i jus wanna go and meet ms sue and talk to her. and go dwn to toa payoh asap.
the only period when i was happy was maths. din expect to score that well for maths. yah. it was really beyond my expectations. =) and mr ang "gift" was even more unexpected. but i really love the bookmark. v nice. and v inspiring. i wanna continue the excellence. yupps. i really LOVE maths. yeah! but cg24/06 mus jiayou alright?
went dwn to toa payoh aft that. talked alot to ms sue on the bus. alot alot. yah. i love chatting with her. though we may not find solutions to the problems, but at least she will jus listen and either console or agree with me. thanks ms sue!
i lost the motivation to lose wt. sobs. sighs.
today's nats was quite nice to watch. i love to watch back stroke man. hahs.
tawan and ms sue shared sumth with me today. quite shocked to hear that thing. i bet i will win the bet. hahs. i better tink of a forfeit man. but do i really wish to be included? i duno. deep inside my heart, i guess i may want. but no. maybe not. cos... argh. i duno.
but i was quite affected when i heard that. i nv thought. oh well.
i flare up at ms shu too. today. my mood is really bad. i get easily irritated. this bad mood is really worsening. and have lasted for 3 days. can it jus go away? it's affecting everyth that i do. and apologising after i flare up is useless.
argh. AH AH AH. i wanna scream out loud. i wanna vent my frustrations. i dun wan to flare up at everyone. argh.
ok. i guess i shld correct my sentence. my jct dun sucks. but my LEP and BIO sucks. and sucks to the core. and my GP better secure a pass. cos passing everyth without passing GP is useless. why mus we still have GP. this is so unfair. we are still emphasizing on ENGLISH. wad's the talk about putting more emphasis on CHINESE.
and i wanna go out with my gals again! to go buy those clothes.
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200m free. hmmm. i dun hold high hopes for it. since there are really gd swimmers arnd. sighs.
ms sue and ms shu are happy with their timings today. =) so happy for them. hahs. love them loads. yeah! i will be seeing them tmr. hahs. i m kinda not used to not seeing them for one day. since we are seeing each other so often now. hahs. and ms shu is gg to reach so super early.
and eugene got into FINALS for 200m fly. wow. 0_o oh well. i m amazed by flyers. cos i love the stroke loads. think the stroke is so nice lahs. jus the fact that it makes u really breathless. and i m so gg to make him teach me fly. hahs.
my GP tutor is quite nice. hahs. i tink he is handsome izzit?cos my class gals seem to get so excited when they see him. hahs. but i duno. jus no feeling. dun feel anyth. only know he is a nice person to crap with. hahs. and i guessed his bday correctly!! so funny. den he was there saying, den can u tell me which country will win world cup this time? i will bet all my salary on it.-_-| no comments. but i tink i will love GP now. considering that i have such an interesting teacher. hahs.
i dun wanna tink of the fact that i felt detached or wad. i m tired of trying to maintain that kind of feeling gg. i m really tired. i duno if i will regret in the future for giving it up.
my JCT results sucks. yah. it sucks. but i put in the best i cld. i duno. i cant whine to anyone about it. cos i will only portray an image that i m not satisfied with wad i have and make others feel worse. but the prob is, i wanna live up to my expectations. yah. sorry if i have hurt any pple when i whine about my results. but yah. i wanna be able to hit the expectations i have for myself. yupps.
i wanna meet someone this wk. but that someone haven reply me yet. give me such false hopes. humph!
TJ SWIM TEAM ROCK ON~
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A lot of drama has been gg on in my life. but well, hope that everyth will turn out fine. and thanks huiting for being there. =)
tmr will be the day. the day that i have used 6 months of training to prepare for. 800m freestyle. 0900. i wanna do my target timing. i wanna do my PB.
i felt my stroke today. but hope it will be perfect tmr.
i m really nervous. imagine. all will be over like so soon. when u prepared 6 MONTHS for it.
i love the swim team. let's work hard together. we can do it. we will do it.
i cldnt afford a false start. i m really scared of it. today the starts set, we did a false start. and got scolded. >.<
i cant afford to be DQ. i nid to turn well. i nid to PLUNGE FAR. i nid to feel and perfect my stroke. i nid to be fast.
imagine hw stressful it is to swim with the RJ swimmers. >.<
NO. it's all in the mind. i can do it. yeah~ *smiles*
and HAPPY BDAY to dihui aka stupid HE MA and QI EN aka TURTLE.
i love shopping with my gals. hahs. i have yet to blogged about the thing that tawan, sue chee and rachel made which sets everyone laughing like crazy. i shall blog soon. well.. if i can do well for 800m free. pls. argh. i m really scared. imagine hw scary it wld be when i stand on the plungeboard tmr. >.<
NERVOUS. NOTHING BUT NERVOUS.
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yeah! all exams r over. ( oh i jus heard that argentina scored. hahs) oh well, i wanna go out!!!
bio spa was alright. but kinda pissed with the teacher. cant she even give me time to arrange the papers. shut up lahs.
after that, met sue chee for lunch. yum yum. but i regretted eating. cos after that was training. i nearly feel like vomiting for the whole 400m warm up, 500m fartleg (hw to spell?) and 2 x 10 x 100m. i was struggling. learnt my lesson. nv eat too much b4 training. but kinda happy that it's back to swimming~ but the competition suit that they wear is so nice. sobs sobs.
did 200m time trial. did my PB. but well, still not gd neuff to qualify for finals. and i dropped in for plunging. >.< cos everyone was below me. v scared that i will knock onto them or someth.
after that went to have dinner. at parkway. hahs. i love the long chat we had. hahs. but i surely dun wanna have that forfeit that rachel came up with. i din expect the punishment to be that bad. >.< not fair! sue chee wont have such a forfeit lohs. hahs. the chat was really funny. talked about quite a no of ths. and yeah! we r gg out after nats! sue chee was like saying got "mango" sales.i wanna go out and shop with my gals~~ hahs.
nats is scary. i guess i cant be a finalist. sighs. my timing is so bad. sobs.
i love the arena shirt and track suit. nice nice. hees.
oh and thanks glendon and evon for waiting the bus with me. it took like 25 mins for the bus to come. so long lahs. kinda guilty that glendon waited with us. cos hise hse is only like 2 stops away?lol.
and yucks. i put on weight. yucks. lost wt due to mugging. but like halo. after training i oso nv lose wt. yucks. nvm. i shall not have so many meals. i have too much today. yucks.
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Quiz #1 Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you (italics: sometimes true).
2. PURPLE! the things you wish were true.
3. add one thing true about you
4. and then tag onetwothreefourFIVE more people.
* I miss somebody right now
* I don't watch TV these days
* I own lots of books
* I wear glasses or contact lens.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried marijuana.
* I've been in a threesome.
* I've been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
* I curse sometimes.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I'm TOTALLY smart.
* I've broken someones' bones.
* I'm paranoid sometimes.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
* I need money right now.
* I love sushi.
* I talk really, really fast/unclear.
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling.
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
* I like the way I look.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have alot of mood swings.
* I have a hidden talent.
* I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
* I have alot of friends.
* I am currently single!
* I have pecked someone of the same sex.
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop.
* I would rather shop than eat. (I wouldn't know about that)
* I don't hate anyone.
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I believe in God.
* I watch MTV on a daily basis. (if I have scv, believe me, I WILL. =D )
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I've rejected someone before.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
* I am shy around the opposite sex.
* I have made a move on a friend or crush in the past.
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I would die for my best friends.
* I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. (yes yes YES!! =D )
* I have dated a close friend's ex.
* I am happy at this moment!
* I'm obsessed with guys.
* I am punk rockish.
* I am preppy.
* I study for tests most of the time.
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job. (no job. yet.)
* I am comfortable with who I am now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can.
* I have jumped off a bridge.
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
* I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
* I worked at MacDonald's restaurant.
* I hate office jobs.
* I love sci-fi movies.
* I think water rules.
* I went college out of state.
* I like sausages.
* I love kisses.
* I fall for the wrong people.
* I adore bright colours.
* I can't live without black eyeliner.
* I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
* I usually like covers more than originals.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I can't whistle.
* I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
*I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I've ever written in.
* I can't stick to a diet.
* I talk in my sleep.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
* Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
* I have jazz in my blood.
* I wear a toe ring.
* I have a tattoo.
* I can't stand at LEAST one person I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I'm an artist.
* I only clean my room when necessary.
* I like a person of the same sex.
* I love being happy.
* I had a crush on a teacher before.
* I am an adrenaline junkie.
* I have ridden an elephant.
* I love chocolates and crowns!
* I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons.
* I can't ride a bicycle.
* I think i'm the only person crazy enough to do this at 6 in the morning without any sleep for the night.
* I feel crazy.
* I love tomatoes!! (only if its tomato sauce on a plate of spaghetti from Pastamania =D)
* I like peanut butter on bananas.
* Been told "You're on fire!" (siao)
* I believe in Serendipity.
* I think the word 'RASPBERRY' is sexaaay!
* I love to look at people's teeth.
* I don't wanna grow up.
* I can cross my eyes n stick out my tongue n still look cute.
* Gaining weight is a wonderful thing.
* I am a PRO.
* I love listening to gossip.
* I really should be studying for exams now.
* I totally love cheezels.
* I can eat as much as a guy.
* I want to b a part-time musician wen im older! lincoln brewster, my current inspiration.
* I don't take criticism well.
* Conformity is stupid.
* Christmas is my favorite holiday. (^^)
Mine: huhs. i duno wad to put. hahs.
YOu've been tagged!
i decided not to tag anyone. see. i m such a gd person. =)
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