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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
yeah! JCT IS OVER but apparently i dun feel any sign of relief. i guessed i wont do well in it. back in cchms, after any major exams, that kind of relief i felt jus fills up the whole heart of mine. i duno why i cant feel anyth now. perhaps. i m disappointed.
but i did my best already. i gave up my WHOLE june hols for this jct. in view of the trainings, i din go out at all. not a single day. i din even go for JJ concert at all. my dad and mum gave me the money for the tix. and yet i choose not to buy. jus cos i nid the sat to mug for chem paper. i did the best i cld. i mugged the best i cld. wadever the results is, i guess i cld only blame it on my stupidity.
i cant believe i finally lived tru bio and LEP. i hate and curse that person who put this two subs together. go and die lahs. he/she tinks LEP is a chi paper that u dun have to study for or izzit merely memorising of structures of essays and words. oh well. i noe. that person is not qualified to be an LEP student at all. that's why.
i lived tru bio and LEP without sleep. i cant believe i actually survived during both papers. given the fact that i slept for 2.5 hrs only on mon. den without slp on tues. back to cchms, i have nv study till cant slp. this explains the jc life. syllabus is jus so massive.
i kinda regretted entering tj. but i guess, i will still stay on bcos of the frens in tj if i were to choose a jc again. and of course, the swim team which i simply love to bits.
competition is coming. nats. the competition which we have trained so hard for. i have no confidence being a finalist at all. my timings sucks.
and i haven borrowed a blazer for speech day. dots. and i wont be gg sch next wk cos of competition. >.<
i m looking forward to sat. hees. it has been so long since the clique ROYALTIES get together. hahs. and i sure miss clarence. hahs.
i wanna go out, go shop.
and i din noe mugging can make u lose wt. kinda weird. hahs.
i wanna reach that wt b4 my bday. cos... >><<
and yeah! tmr got training le! lalalala. i missed swimming. hees. but. i dun wanna wear that swim suit. inferior. >.<
still have bio spa tmr. i cant squeeze the info into my memory full brain. but i look forward to the lunch. muahhaha. spa is so not spa at all.
though jct is over, it seems that i have loads of ths to do. sighs.
i wanna meet him.
can sumone jus help me get tru nationals?really scared.
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swimming camp has been great. really. i missed the swimming camp. sumhw i hoped that it could be longer. even if the trainings were tough. cos no training session wld be tough actually. with the team cheering each other on.
highest record that we swam was 6.2 km. hahs.within one training session.
it has been tough.
but made much better by the cheerings we did for each other.
telling each other not to give up.
and once again, gotta thank mr loh, lane three and lane four pple for cheering me on.
i guessed i wldnt did it for the 4 x 10 x 100m sets if not for mr loh cheering me on to hang in there.
it was really tiring.
considering the fact that once i came back and touch the wall.
mr loh said " 5 secs rest" >.<
when i chiong like siaox.
but the sense of satisfaction was really great.
and we did nearly 10km in a day.
another tough one was the 1km butterfly.
but we did it as a team. so it wasnt so tough afterall =)
i love the somewhat angel and mortal game.
love the messages.
thanks pple. =))
and i m tinking of how shld i keep the messages. hmmm. i wanna put it in my purse though. hahs. but like my purse will burst. hahs.
many inspiring messages.
and leon and ruo fan was really funny when they said thanks.
love the nights spend with sue chee, shu qi and rachel. hahs. but the bugs in the chalet was really irriating.
made alot of jokes in the camp. hahs.
and i finally learnt how to play bridge. =)
felt kinda sad about sum stuff though.
hope that everyth wld turn out fine.
the pastamania today made me felt guilty. =(
ytd 4 x 100m time trial was really touching when darryl said we start off the camp as a team. now we shall end the camp as a team too. so all those swimmers who were injured joined us.
and my plunges were alright now. =))) it has been really hard to get it right man.but i love plunging now. hahs.
did my PBs for the time trial but not that good to me though. sighs.
i m really scared for nats.
i guessed gg into finals is really hard. sighs.
my arms hurt like hell these 4 days. but i m scared of the massage. hahs.i hope it will recover soon.
JCT is cuming!!!!! sighs. stress.
" if you set a goal for urself during training and within training, you will have a different attitude towards it"
thanks for this inspiring sentence. =))
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i really do love you all. but hw am i suppose to show you all that.
it seems that every action that i did
makes me seem as if i dun care about u all at all.
but yes.
i do
but hu will ever understand.
u all said that we dun understand. but have u all given us a chance to understand u all. i felt like i m deprive of the chance to know. u all chose to kip everyth from us. and begins talking about stuff that we duno. when we should know.
why m i getting jealous over that.
but i cant get over the fact that why can you do everyth for her but not for me when i jus wanted to borrow sumth from u. i dun understand. and that has been sumth which i couldnt understand since many years ago.
i felt like picking up the phone to talk to someone.
but at a lost at hu shld i call.
like who.
i mean i dun wanna talk to anyone.
cos no one will understand wad i m gg tru.
but i jus nid a shoulder to lean on.
as i m falling apart soon.
would u catch me shld i fall.
i guess no.
i guess i will jus fall and die.
wldnt that be better.
i have no faith at all.
i wana swim.
to forget everyth.
perhaps i may even drown.
and die that very moment.
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my life revolves arnd swimming now. jus swimming. i love the trainings though. cos it makes me feel better and healthier. hahs. weird me. but well, i m disappointed at my performance. at this rate i m gg, how to get into FINALS?!!! grrr. but i love the swim team loads~ hahs.
next wk is the swimming camp. sumth that i look forward to yet am afraid of. it's 2 training sessions per day. and i guess one training session is 5++km? so it's 10 km per day. 0_0 i duno hw to survive. i dun mind being breathless. but i mind those muscle aches. cos even hw much u wish to swim and propel urself forward, ur arms dun allow u. my arms hurt like crazy after friday's training. i nid to recover fast enough for trainings!!!! =(
and i m totally scared bout JCT. sighs. i have nv felt so unprepared b4. not even when i was down for esplanade performance in sec 3.
sighs. i guess i can jus give up on my JCT. my swimming camp takes up my whole 3rd wk. like hw m i gg to study? sobs. sighs. i duno. i m v confused.
thanks mummy and daddy for understanding though. love both of u loads. =) i m jus so glad that i have both of u by my side always, supporting me =) love the huggs..
but daddy caused me to gain wt today!!!! sobs sobs sobs. cos he was there saying now taking a closer look at u, i realise u have really slim dwn alot (which i absolutely dun feel so, no one felt so lahs) u better dun skip meals.
so i was on the way to dinner with him. and hmmm. ate alot. considering that i nv train today. =( sobs.
and the world cup fever is now on. my TV is on every night. with the green field on it. hahs.
sighs. sorry for not meeting up with alot of pple. i miss loads of pple. i guess i will meet u pple up in july. or after july. aft my nationals and JCT. meanwhile, miss me~~~ hahs.
i cant believe i actually gave up the chance of seeing him. sighs.
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screwed.
i jus feel so much like giving up.
sumtimes no amt of console can help.
cos it's jus the truth that i have to accept no matter wad.
screwed.
i have nv expected myself to screw ths up like that.
i jus wanna give upcan i.
but still, i wanna be better than that someone. that irritating someone.
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had my first ever training for this june hols. yeah. the feeling is really shiok. i was so happy and excited that i finally can go for training. but well, this is my first training in the june hols. the training is pretty intensive. plus the glaring hot sun. argh. got sunburnt. ouch.
but m happy to do arnd 4 to 5 km today. hees. the warm down set does not seem like warm down at all. 3,5,7 pulls of freestyle. i felt as if i will die any moment as it's really hard to stay in the water for 7 pulls.
my turns were pretty screwed today though. i sumhw forgt the technique to turn initially.
other den that, i love training~ hees. okies. hope that this enthusiasm lasts. and i m happy with my performance today. yeah!
but my arms hurt. ='(
inter- jc meet on monday and tuesday. pretty scared. argh. i really needa swim well man. pple wish me luck~
anyway, the 4 days LEP camp was alright. ehs. slept in the same room as chaneline. we chatted alot about sum stuff. shhh. hahs. yeah! let's jia you wor~
and went crazy with xiang ting, xin hui, samantha, simin. hahs. PUMP IT! LOUDER! PUMP IT! LOUDER!
and i m so glad that i din gain weight! hahs. i was real worried in the camp. up to the stage of being paranoid. i mean imagine u r fed 5 meals a day.oh my. 5 meals!!!! it's really piggy. hahs. but yeah! i din gain! hahs. samantha tinks that i m really obsessed about gaining and losing weight. hahs. but the MACS that u all ate got me pretty tempted. but i manage to keep the temptation at bay. =))
i tink NUS is better. yeah~ my dream school.
and thanks to glendon, tawan, sue chee and darryl for the messages and encouragement. yeah. perhaps a rest was really necessary. and yes. it was. thanks loads for the encouragement. i really cldnt say enuff thanks to u all. but m really glad to join back to the team today.
i guess i wont be able to meet up with pple i wan this june hols as my schedule is so packed. but i will sure c u pple after my nationals! yeah! most imptly, i wanna see my huiyi jie. jie, feel honoured? hahs.
and go out and spend time with my parents too. i haven been really able to spend time with them. but m glad that they understand wad i m gg tru now. love u mummy and papa. *hugs*
i miss him like crazy during the camp. hahs. but guess till i fulfilled that promise, i wont do anyth yet.
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