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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
had a happening fri and sat.
to begin with, this is the bear i like so much~~~ after pestering Ivan for WEEKS to give me the bear. but he hasnt do the personalised t-shirt yet. humph!!!
and sumth really funny happened whule i was pestering him for the bear. hahaz. shuqi was laughing away lo. hahaz. but it was she hu gave me the idea of pestering him for it. i kept shaking the table which his hp was on, his hp nearly dropped lo. he even replied me in SPANISH like " i m busy now" blah blah blah. which i totally make no sense of it. i dun learn spanish. but finally he relented. hahaz. =P
fri was DELTA hse function.hmmm, the programmes were okiex. the food was nice. initially wanted to go off early de. but stayed on bcos of sum reasons. yupps. but i regretted staying back. i really regretted. cos staying back only makes me feel more sad and heartbroken. shld have gone off earlier. but i believed if i have gone off earlier, i wld regret too. jus for a different reason.
raimi said sumth to YW and i which make me particularly guilty. sighs. i duno if i wld regret for not running for hse comm. till now, i m still confused. though the application period is over. but hmm. >.<
anyway, ytd went back to cchms with HUIYI JIE. hahaz. CDC STILL ROCKS ALRIGHT!!! u juniors really rocks. the performance put up by u all did not disappoint me at all.ahhh. i really love the performance. for the first time, i m the audience.
i miss acting. yah. i really miss it. seeing the stage ytd makes me close to tears. the different stages that i have acted for the past 4 yrs. now it has becum a history. i yearn to be on stage again. i really wanna be. at least, xi ju is where i can find my heart and soul. i love DRAMA. and i will always LOVE it. i wanna be on stage again. and i WILL. yah. sum ppl noe of the plans i have le. jus hope that i cld be accepted bahz.
went to K with huiyi, xuande and two of his frens. it was really fun kboxing with them. we got an ultra BIGG rm that huiyi and xuande got really excited about. hahaz.
the ULTRA BIG room
den me and huiyi sang quite a no of songs. wow. huiyi, ur singing rocks man. hahaz. =)) i love singing with u. but u nearly lost ur voice. needa charge battery. tsk tsk. dun sing till so serious lahz. hahaz.
anyway, we make quite a no. of jokes in the room. v funny. one was i forgt wad xuande said to me den HUIYI nearly wanted to pour her drink on him. hahaz. den she kip asking, "ni you sui bu xing shi bu shi" hahaz. v funny lo.
den huiyi kept suaning xuande about his singing. hahaz.
and there is sumone who sang real well among us. i forgt his name though. er, i m bad at remembering names. >.<
xuande trying to be extra.hahaz.
ehx, the guy sitted on the left. yah. his singing really rocks. =)
hmmm, i guess i m gg out too much le. haizz. i tink i really gotta sit dwn and conc le. i cant stand my attitude towards studies nwadays. v different from the past. argh. i guessed other than Huiyi's bday chalet (which i m looking really forward to), i aint gonna be so slack animore. i needa MUG!!!
LEP TESTS. argh.
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i wanna be a happy gal. i wanna be happy. i tried to be happy. but apparently, i cant. faced with alot of probs now. sighs.
cried in the audi during mass civics today.the atm was so weird lo. the person was talking about HIV/AIDS while i m there crying. cldnt control my tears at all. no matter how many jokes that papa and darren said, i could only try to laugh. but deep inside, i aint feeling ani better. i cldnt control and stop my tears at all. argh.
i have tried to tolerate. but my patience is really running thin.
felt kinda guilty when FL and YW apologised to me. but it aint entirely their fault that i cried. yupps. it isnt. so dun worry. but u 2 really touched me. thanks.
i cld only blame it on myself for being so...the same old prob is back.
seeing you only makes me lose further control of myself.
felt kinda bad that i din go down and collect the stuff from the HIV/AIDS talk when they asked for e CG REP. but at that time, i totally dun have the face to look at anione at all lo.my eyes are so swollen and red plus my face is really wet.>.<
my eyes hurt from all the crying. and stupid papa now give me a nickname call" pi2 ti4 cong2" humph!!! and he keeps saying it lo. bleah.jus oos i cried till my hands and face are so wet.
but darren and papa were nice to help me carry my stuff after the mass civics. oh and xin an too. but he was there saying he dun wanna carry my pink file. cos it looks kinda gay. >.<
swam arnd 4.5 km today.n i dun like the fins. i got cramps for 5 to 6 times during the fly stroke lo. kinda irritating. cldnt kick well at all.argh. i m only good at free style lahz. which is so frustrating. i dun have any strokes to fall back on.
i m really lost regarding the task i m assigned to.
why mus we be the pple hu suffered in silenece.
i HATE HER. for the first time, i said it out. i have already tolerated for so many years. so much for the false front put up by ya. yeeks.
the unfair treatment, the fact that u dun even care about my feelings at all, the pretence, everyth. i cant stand it animore.
wad m i supposed to do about HIM. at least for now, keeping myself busy is the only solution. i m still torn btw my mind and my heart. a tough war that caused much wasted tears.
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i m not in the best of mood recently.
sorry to those whom i have offended in a way or another.
i really wonder, is letting u go right afterall.
i duno shld i salvage the situation now.
my heart is really fighting a v tough war with that logical mind of mine.
everytime i wana shower sum care and concern for u
everytime i wanna talk to u about sum personal stuff
everytime i wanna ask u why are u so down these days
everytime i wanna ask u how have u been
my mind jus stops me.
i kept telling myself that NO.
u are not supposed to ask.
rem the promise u have for urself
rem the fact that his world is too compllicated for u to understand.
rem the fact that u cant afford to fall into that trap.
and i give in to that logical mind of mine reluctantly.
i duno
i m really confused now.
should i follow my mind or my heart.
but it hurts to feel that this situation is caused by that logical mind of mine.
and those tears are unnecessary if i hadnt follow that logical mind of mine.
i duno
i m really really confused.
i m really torn btw my emotions and my mind.
can sumone jus tell me wad m i suppose to follow?
i m really torn apart
really helpless
wad m i supposed to follow to ensure that i wont regret further.
to *******: sorry. but i cant accept ... there is sumone else in my heart now.
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~LOVE TJC SWIM TEAM TO BITS~
this foto was taken on the bday surprise for kenneth and sue chee. heex. the guys look pretty gross though. hahaz.
hmmm, it has been 2 days after we went to the airport to "sleepover". but i'll nv eva forget this memorable day we had. =]
mardi gras was alright. hmmm, cos we din really go and watch all those performances.jus walk and walk. hahaz. but the magic show was pretty -_______-| papa cldnt tahan the magician at all. in the end, after the magic show, he started showing tricks to qiling, xin an and others. quite sad that din get to join the cchms pple for the cheering under LT1. cos hafta rush to changi airport to meet clarence.
moreover, i cant buy anyth to eat. cos well, we ate at SUMO house b4 we went TJ. so was pretty full. and if i eat, all my efforts of starving myself in the day wld have gone to waste! and summore, i haven been training since tues. so hafta resist all those nice food. sorry darryl for not buyin ur OREO ice blended. >.<
i din really get to enjoy mardi gras bahz. i guessed yw too. cos of sum reasons.
anyway, ths got much better when we went to changi airport~ that's such a memorable moment. me, yw, fl kept tinking of whether shld we sleepover. while waiting for the 4 slow guys to come.
so we started analysing how shld we go home shld we want to stay till 2 to 3am. the process was really funny. we went to the other end of the airport to try and find a singpore map. but dun have. and darren went to look at the changi airport terminal 2 map. hahz. and here's the pic when we finally decided how we shld get home.
8 hearts as ONE.
so after that, we went to viewing mall. clarence got so excited over looking at planes. so typical of him. hmm, we took a v nice foto. but cant post it. cos it's sum kind of "censored". sighs. but the foto v nice lo. heex.
den we sat down and play thr "bi3 yi4 bi3". the game whereby u tink of a topic and act out for sumone, and that sumone shall pass it dwn to others and the last person will guess wad's the topic.
i was the first to tink of one topic. and my topic was "go to the toilet and forgot to flush" it got messed up in the end. the flushing part disappeared. and everyone was laughing like mad. cos it's really funny how diff ppl act out the topic. hahaz.
only the gg toilet part was preserved. hahaz.
darren trying to act "chi1 dai1"
so after playing numerous rounds, we played the chop chilli chop. the forfeit was that the person has to act like hercules and walk pass the viewing mall. apparently no one did that. hahaz.
after that, me,yw and qien wanna die le. we practically wanna sleep le. and that robin still eating his burger king meal. all of us were waiting for him to finish it and cab home. and here's the nice burger i made while i was feeling so sleepy..
put loads of chilli sauce inside the burger. i poke the fries into the burger cos they always call me he2 tun2. so i was trying to make a pufferfish burger, with the fries as the spikes of pufferfish. heex.
and yw was like a "drunk" person when it was 2am plus. hahaz. the ths that she does was really funny. hahaz. robin practically laugh all the way.
so after that, we cabbed home. i wonder how much is the taxi fare for elvin. ehx, elvin, hw much arhx?
it has been really a memorable night out with the peeps. i love u all so much~.
clarence forever acting cute.
ELVIN, WE WILL MISS U!!!! take care in NY and hope to see u on wed~
GALS POWER! hahaz. and janet, all the best for the biomedical course that u r taking wor~
so after this sleepover, fri was cg24/06 outing. had a headache in the morning. guessed it's cos of the sleepover which i was not used to it.but ths got beta when the cg24/06 peeps met up.
went to kbox and we practically ran from room to room to sing songs. that's quite a new experience to me. hahaz. sang quite a no. of songs with yw and peifen. xin an and eunice slept in the kbox rms lo. xin an worse. i doubt he sang. heard that he got tortured by darren's singing. hahaz. so funny.
but din join them for the programme after k. hmmm, heard that they helped xin an change hairstyle. i m so looking forward to see wad's xin an's new hairstyle. heex.
and i shall blog about the ICA trip next time. another memorable event with cg24/06 =]
anyway, i love mugging with jing yi~!
m glad that finally i shared that thing with yw. had been sumth that i m struggling about. but after the chat with her, felt so much better.
i survived last week sleeping jus 4 to 5 hrs each day. and it's the whole 5 days. clever me huhx. >.<
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sorry. i din expect ths to turn out this way. ur words are really hurting. but yah. i noe i m at fault. perhaps u r jus not in the right mood. but still, all i can say is only a word of sorry. i will try my best to make both ends meet. n still, i noe u have put in alot of efforts. while i seem to be putting in 1/4 of urs only. i will try.
i really din wan ths to turn out this way. sumtimes, ur feelings, ur world, seems too complicated for me to understand.
sighs. i dun have mood for MARDI GRAS at all. but the thought of meeting elvin, janet and clarence sumhw consoled me.
perhaps i really tink too much. that's wad i gathered from the pple arnd me. but i cant stop myself from tinking so much. i duno. sumtimes i really wonder y shld i tolerate those ppl that do not matter at all. i mean, i have my emotions. i have my ups and downs too. i have FEELINGS. i m not that cheerful as i seem. laughing has nv been sumth i m good in. i m not that happy afterall. but jus tot that tolerance wld prevent a conflict. but my patience has reached its limit.
sumhw, i have the sudden urge to swim. it jus makes me forget all these problems that i m facing with.
but still, i m happy to have frens to bring me tru the obstacles tt i m facing now.
thanks Ms Fong for telling me so many ths. every chat with u gives me a sense of direction of wad i shld do about the probs that i m facing. yah. perhaps i shld stop tinking of all these small issues that are bothering me and sees ths in a bigger picture. ur words make me feel so much better. at least, liven my spirits and realise that it's no use wasting my time brooding over those probs when it's MARDI GRAS and fun today~
and yw too. thanks for the hug. hahaz. sorry tt my tears distracted u from ms fong's explanation and qns. >.< i din noe that the world outside is raining too. till u tell me.
i m tired. haiz. but i hafta hold on. shld i fall, everyth crumbles and i guess i will regret.
dui bu qi.
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had a happy day today and a happy week~~~ alallalala. heexx. except wed bahz. was quite stress on this particular day. >.<
i love the meeting today~ though it may be short, but yah. it doesnt matter how long the time may be, as long as we met, talk and crap. enjoying every moment. hahaz. thanks to the person hu treated us SWENSENS. hahaz. i tink ur name v sensitive now. i duno when i can say, when i cant. so decided not to say. hahaz. but hmmm, dun worry lahz. in the future wont call u to treat le. hmmm, i wonder how much was the bill today. >.<
hmmm, den went for swimming at ITE simei. ehx, i was late. ehx, not counted late. i reached dere early. but cos no one there. so i went to the washroom to change. and the washroom is so wulu lahz. i was searching and searching. and cant find ani. after i change, the swim team arrive le. den mr loh was like "HUIMIN WHY ARE U LATE" >>>.<<<
i m super blur for swimming today.duno why. first, i was late. 2ndly, i swam the wrong stroke for the first set. was supposed to do free kick only. i did the whole stroke. *super paiseh* den ehx, aft that, we r supposed to swim in a line. den ehx, i bang onto Lisa. dots. den i was tinking, die le. mr loh will scold me le. in the end, mr loh did call us to cum out of the pool. to teach us how to do the high elbow pull. i was so super scared when he call us lahz. was like tinking. die le. certainly get scolded. >>.<< in the end, he was jus correcting our stroke. phew.
after that, the sets were alright.
oh and today mass swim i managed to do my personal best. but it was kinda funny when mr loh asked me," huimin why u swim so fast" hahaz. cos u r supposed to be tired after swimming the first few sets. den the last few sets the timing certainly not good one. but well, my timing improved as we did more sets. hahaz. funny me.
hmm. but cum to tink of it. ths haven been smooth on the other side. well. i duno. i feel extremely hurt when i saw those stuff. but i have to pretend that i dun care. that it doesnt matter to me. when it really matters. when i really wanna noe more. but i cant. my emotions are fighting a tough war with my brain. so much so that i felt like i m being spilt apart sumtimes.
i dun wan to live this kind of life. i wan to be rationale. i wan both my brain and heart to be rationale. i noe nth will cum out of this. but why m i still here. i m jus plain stupid.
there was a brief moment of time when i managed to escape from u. but now, it doesnt seem so. can i escape again?i dun wan to fall into the trap set by u again. it doesnt matter that i fall, but it hurts when u r the person hu trapped me, but refused to let me out. sighs.
perhaps my week wasnt that happy afterall.
i miss HIM loads. sighs.
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hmmm. shall type a short entry.
pretty stressed out this weekend. so many ths to do. yet so little time to finish them. sighs.
and Evon played an April fool's joke on me ytd that trigger off my tears. record man. i have nv cried due to april fool's joke b4. the joke goes like this:
OMG. I jus heard that mon's land training gonna be 7k run.
oh well, i guess i haven wake up from the nightmare of the swimming trainings on fri. so well, i practically cried when i get to noe that it's 7k run lahz. in the end she said " dear,look at the date today"
well, i din bother to go and look at first. until she keeps on emphasizing it. den i noe why.
dumb me.
but my tears din stop. cried for like half an hr lahz. i m scared.
on another note, today papa bought an ARENA SWIM SUIT for me. it costs a bomb man. hahaz. but i love the swim suit. heex. but well, i told him that the swim team may b getting the TYR swim suit together. hmmm. but he still bought it. >.< i love the swim suit loads~~~~ thanks papa~!!!
sighs. another monday tmr. argh.
and well, my leg injury is back.
it hurts lahz.
guess cos of all those trainings.
haiz. wadeva.
jus gonna train hard for nationals.
and i realised that nationals is on the week of wu gui and he ma's birthday.
i jus hoped that i still can celebrate their bday with them~
i miss HIM.
and yah! ELVIN. MARDI GRAS that day we are gg out!!! like that time on 5/3/06- our memorable outing~~ mus cum kaex? =))
US. heex. =))
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