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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
sumhw, i noe wad ishx gg to happen next yr to me le. hah. shiqi, being one of the OGL pple, told me about all those orientation stuff..n the stuff after orientation.. which ishx...argh..so not look forward to.. hah. perhaps orientation is fun. but definitely not the daes after that ritex.. hah. but well, life goes on.. sighs... n she gets to take triple science.. grr.. now this system wan us to have humans..sighs.. n the mathematics ishx made even much more difficult than the current mathematics that they are studying now.. no one is optimistic about it.. even the teachers..hw great can that be..
ytd steamboat was nice too~ and i finally tried drinking. hah. but it's too diluted with the ice. it doesnt taste nice at all! so i din drink much. but someone finished the whole mug sia. hah. n i was busy explaining myself that i din drink that. hah. the pple there certainly dun look like their age. esp the couple. till now i m still so blur about the lady's age. like wad jie sae, i soOooO wana go CLUBBING. hah. i dun wan the diluted drink! hah. oh well, i realli wana try the concentrated one. wonder hw it tastes. hmm. sumhw being with them, it makes me feel how big is the world, n hw small my scope is. n i still feel bloated from the steamboat~ hah.
todae's guitar was okiex. except that i feel realli sick. guess i cant take naps. n kids nowadaes. cant stand them. so noisy. oh well, Mr Francis has the patience. if i were him, i wld be like... get out now! hah.
n todae daddy like strike 4D like that. or did he strike it long tym ago without telling me? he is like telling me to go out n see the clothes and accessories that i wan and then tell him den he will give me the money to buy. n oso, he duno why sae wana buy the memory card of the digi cam suddenly. a bigger space memory card. which is like -_-| huhz? i duno. hah. but i shld be happiex that he is gg to pay the expenses for my clothes and accessories. hah. i so look forward to that.
hmmm.. wonder hw's oy's midnitex movie gg on. sighs. so feel like calling to talk. sighs.
till now, i still cant give up missing u even though i noe that i will regret in future.
hmm..jus find it veri meaningful. at least i haven found that heaven of mine. or else i wont be feeling so empty inside out...
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yeah! i finalli got the stupid, irritating, troublesome ear studs out! hah. i have been trying to take it out for three daes n it neva came out. in the end, i even got a scolding from my parents. which is..... grrr..not my fault. the ear studs dun wana cum out mahz. =P but getting it out wasnt an easy task. it hurts lah. but i realised the ear studs are realli bad. it's veri tight and u realli gottaz pull it hard b4 it cums out. which is... i mean like PULL??!! As if i dun have ani nerves at my ear lobes like that. call me to pull. it's as if i wont feel pain at all which is definitely not the case.
i duno wad have i done for the past few hrs. basically rotting in front of this com. sighs. i wana go swimming! but well, first, the weather wasnt so gd these few daes. 2nd- personal reasons. hah.
wanted to write sumth de. n i realised i seem to be unable to write nicely animore. it's like my hands have not been touching a pen for round 1 week plus? n i cant believe that my parents even kept my coloured pens awae while helping me to pack my room. so now, i totalli have no nice pens. ='( oh well, anywae i decided not to write le. find it useless. as if she wld appreciate it.
read sumone's blog. found that she seems to be blogging to fill up the inadequancy that she feels. which i tink is pretty fake. i mean she is like writing compo and trying to announce to the whole world that she is happy and why she is happy. every entry of her blog is like that. it starts with.. todae is a happy dae... den i will be able to predict what she's is going to sae next. why she is happy. n she keeps saying.. yeah i m happy. cos i have these these frens and not like sum pple blah blah blah.. sighs.. i duno hw to put it.. but jus kinda feel that she seems to feel empty but not happy. but she is trying to put up a brave front to show that she is happy. *shrugs*
oh well, shld i go prepare myself now? but still got a couple of hrs? i m jus so lazy to bring myself to the bathrm. hah. n so lazy to walk out of this hse/ room. oh well.
shacks. i jus realised i din practise my guitar which i m supposed to. dots. oh well, suan4 le. since my guitar sounds horrible. shldnt disturb my neighbours lah. shall practise tmr bah. n i sure look forward to seeing the pple tmr!
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ermz..changed my blog..duno hw to explain..hahaz...but i dun realli like the prev blogskins..sumthings jus cant be shown..so decided for a change..=)))
i have decided to put the things behind me..be it solved or unsolved..that's it..i m not gg to give a damn about it animore..it's just not worth it..since..sum pple do not care at all..which get me quite irritated..n it's affecting the wae i treat my parents too..i seem to be back to e same old me..which i dun like..yah..so i m jus not gg to care about it animore..
the week's ahead programmes are all planned out =) n i so look forward to the guitar sessions..i jus hope i can strike off the wish about guitar soon...but my guitar ishx sOOoOoo out of tune now..the G7,C, Am, Dm chord sounds totally HORRIBLE i hope mr Francis can help me tune it soon..or else i cant practise..well..cos i dun wana hear the weird sounding chords..haha..
i m still debating whether to go for the steamboat thing with jie tmr.well, cos i feel realli odd to eat steamboat without eating seafood. or shld i take a gamble by eating seafood and get my ear infected.it may not necessarily get infected though.but now, i cant take the ear studs out!!! which i duno for wadeva reason. n i cant pull it.cos it hurts..argh..toooppiiddd...guess i will go it sumdae.hah. but guess i will still go for steamboat bah. since it's rare chance.n hope to c jie b4 she go Perth humph. someone gg perth for sOOoOoo looonngg...haha..but i m glad jie got her future all planned out... =)
n micheelle got to watch MACBETH play! grrr...i love macbeth alot lahz.still rem sec 2 how i mugged hard for it.haha.it ishx simply so interesting. n she gets to see it into reality.grrr...n manage to take photos with the actors summore..i m soOoo jealous..haha...
okiex..i m still tinking whether to call her anot..i mean..well..it's weird isnt it..n i guess she mus be preparing for prom tmr? den i dun wish to call at such a tym too..hmmm...
n to jie. good luck for ur last paper tmr! cya!
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i did one v stupid thing.why i go and do that.it makes me feel so awful now.i wanted to sleep soon le initially to stop myself thinking.but i go n did that stupid thing, feel so awful so awful now.tears jus keep streaming dwn.i cant stop it.cant.tat kind of feelin i have ytd ishx back.overwhelming.ytd i got oy to pei me.todae she gg out wif someone now.i dun wan to tink animore.but why m i so stupid to go n look.it only makes things worse.i feel so....i duno...i cant stop my tears...i canr.......
no i m not supposed to look.why m i still looking..argh..i cant ctrl myself at all nw..my tears..my thoughts...my mind..it's all crumbling dwn..i wan to slp..i wan to escape from reality.but i cant.i m so stuck now. this kind of feeling ishx worse than ytd..much worse..
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22nd- change my blogskin which has been duno hw mani years old. guess this the longest blogskin tt i ever used.
23rd-wana tink over sum stuff carefully b4 trying to settle e relationship stuff.
yeah! one more week to go~ and the long awaited freedom will come soon..yahz yahz..veri soon..i jus so wan egeo and PHYSICS to be over..cos that wld be my veri dead dae.. jus realised that i love the subs tested next week EXCEPT egeo...Oh well..
i feel detached
or m i tinking to much
i duno
i see every word of urs as a sarcasm
and it jus hurts
cos we were not so in the past
wad happen?
i m willing to change if it has been my fault
but i do not noe what i have done wrong to deserve this
i hate the world i m living in nw
sum pple are getting jus so possessive
jus like wad i read in lit-kotc
territorial struggle and the possessiveness of Hooper as he only has WARINGS.
but i dun tink wad i m facing now is a prob of territoty
but a prob of "pple struggle"
sum pple are jus so deprived of love
that every action that u do
seems to be taking awae that tiny weeny love that they have
hence the "pple struggle"
*puke*
anywae, i m nt gg to snatch awae that tiny weeny pathetic love that sum pple have, at least i m not that deprived
sighs.shall go back to mugging now.but i m so tired now.haizz.
perhaps, our paths may neva cross again..neva..n i duno wad will happen to me tmr..will i lose ctrl of myself, of my emotions..i hope not..
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remmeber more things!
20th- to learn to cook sum stuff =)
21st-to learn the dance steps of sum songs. =D
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YEAH!!!!!!!! SS ISHX OVER! SS ISHX OVER!!! SS ISHX OVER!!! hahaz..i m sOOoOooOoo sOOOooOo happy that this sub ishx over! hahz..i can sae it's the most detested sub in my life...yahz..that wasnt an exaggeration..it's just TRUE..nv in my whole life i have hated a sub so much..even hw much i hate it..i will try to love it..but ss has gone beyond my patience..so well..i cannot help but hate it..i did try to love it b4 lahz..but to no avail..hahaz..
so VENICE and conflict came out for SEQ..the conflict was somehw not expected by me..hahaz..i duno others..n so much for studying GROWTH OF NATIONS..it din came out a single qn at all..grrr..waste my time..tooopppiiiddd...hahaz...but i do agree with da jie...the qns in the ss paper are getting GLOBAL...n u gottaz be able to THINK. not memorise.so i really pity the later generations who are gg to take SS..wish them all the best..hahaz..
well..i m not veri happiex with my emaths though..the paper ishx EASY lahz..i gottaz admit that..but sumhw as usual..i alwaes do things slower than others..n A/E maths ishx my A1s..so i gottaz work hard for maths now..since i focused more on humans n sci during these 30 daes..i just hope the A1 for Emaths wont be too high..>.<
*mood change*
suddenly dun feel that ss ishx over ishx a happy thing after all..cos the heavy subs are cuming..in torrents...
eng on WED..sighs..alot of pple nt studying..but well..i m jus gonna study lahz..cos eng fail= o's fail..so beta dun take the risk bahz..sighs...but i still have lit..MY ONLY HUMANS..hahaz..
i m so tired now..sighs...
n i realli luv ms lam! hahaz. she ishx just so nice!
n my hse mac here ishx 24 HRS le..yeah! such a nice time huhx..i guess all those A's and O's pple are gg to stae there n mug..hahaz..i m quite interested in the crew who will be working overnitex..will they look dead tired? hahaz..cos i m kinda used to the crew that works in the morning and afternoon..when go there mug..alwaes see them de..kekex...
n well..to add on to the things that i needa do after o's..
16th: to read straits times everydae to prepare for GP nxt year..n to broaden my general knowledge too~ i kinda take interest in wad da jie ishx studying now..hahaz..
17th- check out the offers by singtel bout my internet..which well..da jie understands the prob with my net lahz..hahaz...
18th- meet jjfc members online on 20th nov..(i m veri scared that i forget this)
19th- check out the hip hop thingy...
i m getting realli tired n sleepy..sighs..*headache*
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sighs.suddenly feel like blogging..but duno wad to type..2 more daes to o's..argh..or rather 1.25 daes..sighs..i duno how..i duno wad to do...*stressed*
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so now i have a new com now! but...the screen veri BIIIGGG...it's an LCD screen..and it's in moi room now! hahazz..so i dun hafta use the com in my bro room anymore..but...i find it so hard to view the things on these screen lahzz...i have to lean forward in order to see clearly..but yahzz..i noe i shld be happy that my mum and dad bought it for me..=)
but currently i am really...haizz..ss ishx so frustrating..i feel like giving up lahzz...feel like wasting time lahzz..argh..i m so frustrated with the charts lahzz..i mean like i dun even noe if i m dd the correct thing in the first place..tooppppiiiddd...
n to pw: the charts are not with me yet.cos my this com dun have A drive..sand all my charts are saved in a diskette..yahzz..so i cant send u the charts yet..sighs...
sighss..gottaz go back to ss...have been slacking..argh...=(
* i have a feeling of breaking dwn*
now i m like a string that may snap any moment..veri tensed up now..argh...I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELING..guess after ss..the tension will be released bahzz..but now..it's like gg to snap lahzz..
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in CA mac now..hahazz..din noe that this computers lying here can be used de..hurhur...i m sleepy from egeo lahzz..sighss...
sobs.mummy rang me jus now and say that my house computer is officially DEAD.is not SPOILT anymore. but is DEAD. sobs. should i hold a funeral for it?sighs.feel kind of emotional.cos like the com has been with me for near 6 years and it's dead now.sobs.buying a new com. but sumhw, i wan a laptop instead. the com is dead at the ritex time huhx. i wan a laptop!! i dun wan shared com.sighs.gottaz see how bahz.hmmm.
n ishx 5 more daes to o's. >.< i hope it will be over soon and i hope that i can have an entry bout the day after o's soon. this is torturing lahz.='(
kaex. i shall go back to my work le. sighs. i m dead tired. n i managed to stay awake till near 4am in the morning!!! hahaz.thats a great achievement for me. cos i neva knew i can stay awake for so long.kekex. buaiz for now!!!
*wonder when will i update again* sighs.
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