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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
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The special ONE
okiex..i noe i shldnt be here..since i onli have like 30 to 31 daes to o's..ah..that's killing moi..really...i noe these 30 daes make a HUGE difference as claimed by chers..but sumhow..i felt as if moi energy ishx all drained out..i have been slping so much recently..sobss..tis ishx soo soo bad..i mus buck up already..but i cant stop moiself from sleeping.argh...
moi L1R5 ishx out..eerrr...well..it was ooookkkkkkiieeexxx...not to moi satisfaction though..but well..since it's like that..i oso cant do anyth le..shall get on from here..olevels shall promise moi a lower L1R5 cos moi prelims L1R5 to moi ishx totally SUCKS...argh..
and can i ask like anyone noe how to noe the cut off pts to various jcs..i have been trying to browse the net but to no avail..n i dun like to search..oh well..i m jus soo impatient..sighss..
tmr gg to anglican high for the jc hub..well..perhaps i will noe more from there?sighs..dun wana hear anyth that ishx demoralising though..sighs..tis week alot of hmwk too..arghhh..so many papers..it's killing me!!...=(
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hmmm..talking to jjfc now..hahazz..so nice to talk to them..hurhur..but i gt the com in a difficult wae..shall not elaborate on it..it jus hurts...
sighs..tmr debrief dae two..i cant wait to get tis over n done with seriously..sighss..except that i like the fact that i can sit wif crys they all n can realli crap n that we are in lecture hall which is air conditioned....other than that..i wld rather go back to norm sch daes..
sighs..i get that kinda nervous n scared feeling..i wonder when will this end..it ishx seriously irritating n energy draining..haizz..i realli hate tis..grrr...cant wait for debrief to be over..i dun mind muggin at hm though..sumhw perhaps i learnt to take mugging in a positive wae bahzz..i mean like wad can i do other than mugging..in that sense i guess sum pple do feel bored this daes aft prelims..it seems that life has no aim animore without studies to moi..i guess this feeling will be so much stronger after o's..haizz...i duno..why cant life have moderation in everyth..why mus we feel soOooOo stressed now..n after that..nth of that sort ishx cuming..i mean why mus all the exams be cramped into a period of tym..after that..i seriously dun like to be all alone wif no studies..i noe i can go after moi passion after o's..but i still miss the sch daes..sighs..here i m lamenting again..sighss...
i duno why m i crying for u once again..i tot moi passion for ya have died..but it seems to cum again..dat kind of dreading feeling..i tot i have left it all behind moi..i noe there ishx nth to talk btw us except studies..n i noe u will be leaving moi soon..i noe u have a world of ur own..but i cant seem to put it aside moi..jus keep thinking..the tears i shed for u u neva noes..but i dun hope that u noe too..or else i guess that will be the end for us..
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love..
a profound word..
which i havent found ani meaning to it..
i wana find the meaning of love..
but i cant seem to do it..
hope..
the kind of hope that u once gave moi..
but u took it awae..
u make moi cant see the light animore..
u make moi wana turn back to the old path again..
tears...
the enemy whom i have been trying hard to defeat..
but yet i havent won ani battle against it..
i lost every battle i have against it..
n lost every single confidence i once had b4 i started the battle against it..
disappointment...
that's wad i alwaes get frm u..
that's wad i see in u..
that's wad u gave moi..
n left moi all alone with..
loneliness...
i jus felt empty inside out..
n is still feeling so..
i cant fill up tis feeling..
when u chose to leave moi all alone...
exhuastion...
that's wad i m experiencing now..
mentally n physically..
even hw much i tried to sleep moiself to death..
i still woke up the next morning...
only to find that the feeling of exhuastion remains..
emotions..
an 8 letters word..
yet it has soooO mani different meaning to it..
hw much i tried to avoid it..
i m still overwhelm by it..
i wana be void of emotions..
bt that wld turn moi inhuman..
can u see the dilemma i m gg tru...
hatred...
that's wad i tried to have towards u..
but the more i wan to hate you..
the hatred i wan to have..
sumhw melts when i tink of the past...
it cant exist for a single moment in moi mind..
moi soul..
moi heart..
i duno wad i m trying to sae..
i duno wad m i dd..
i duno wad m i saying..
i duno wad will cum out of all this..
i m still at the beginning..i haven make a step forward..yet u r miles awae frm moi..why mus things turn out tis wae...why mus we bcum strangers again...
~thoughts written into words by mInmIn~
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sighs...debrief tmr...pple...wish moi good luck kaex...feeling nervous n scared nw though..sighss..i dread this..esp when the marks ishx gg to affect ur entry to jc...halo...jc..wadeva..i m jus sOooo nervous n scared now..='(
no mood to blog bout todae le...sighss...pple hu wana noe..go bn blog bahzz..hahaz..tink crys will tok bout it ltr...
wish moi luck..i realli need it..sobss...
i wana cry le..die die die..haizzzz...
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was jus reading tru huiyi's blog...sighs..was realli realli wana cry le..haizzz..it's too much to bear when sumth like dat happened to ya bahzzz....
was jus tinking..why does we humans do not noe hw to treasure things n onli noe hw to do sooo when sumone passed awae..haizzz..that's realli ironical..
weelll...i duno..i jus feel particularly hurt when i duno hw to treasure pple arnd moi..i dun wana hurt anione by moi actions..but moi emotions got the upper hand of moi sumtyms..haizzz....
to all moi frens n moi loved ones...thanks for being there for moi..i will learn to treasure wad i have..i m trying hard to learn that...............
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yeah...prelims are OFFICIALLY OVER...lalaa...so nice...but well..sumone's msg said ytd..tink ishx peng kai izzit? hahaz...he said wad the prelims are over..so near yet so far...=X i din exactly get wad it means though..kekex...bt yahzz..i tink ishx so FAR cos OLEVELS will be the next BIIIIGGGG thing sOOooOOoOOOnnnnNnnnnNnnn..hahazz...
oh anywae...ytd went to kbox with pris,crys,ling,nsh,ting jie,benji,huiling,xuan...and eugene came at a ltr tym..n aaron jus stayed for eerrr...a verse of stephanie sun's song? did i miss out anyone anywae? kekexx...oh welll...ytd was soOoo fUuuNnnn..but eerr..i guess the staff were pretty irritated by us..bUT....the guy wasn't exactly courteous anywae..was like...cos the rm too small..need a bigger rm..NO AIR CON SUMMORE for the small rm..so changed to a bigger rm..den there gt sumth like u noe the round round thing..gt lots of light to rotate de..i duno hw to sae though..hahazz...den crys was so fascinated n ask the guy whether can switch on nt..den i tink he nv reply..den the rm smell of cigarette smoke..den crys oso ask if gt freshener to get rid of the smell..the guy gave that kind of stupid look..oh well...=P
denn we went on with singing...with a spoilt remote ctrl though..hahazz...i guess the kbox at suntec eerrr...ishx the worse i have ever been?! kekex..den we sang...n benji noe how to rap alot alot of parts..n can rap from v beginning to the end..was wondering how he manage to do it?! oh well..it's realli nice that he can speak so fast...=X hahazz...everyth went on with different pple singing...
n we called for alot of NUTS...hahaz...tink that person oso v irritated..but heck lahzz..hahazz...den we went to arcade..i din play though..hahazz..onli like when they dance the ddr...i oso dance but din step onto the machine norx..den xuan n huiling played time crisis 2..oh..i realised hw bad i m at shooting accurately..guess crys noe why i say so...hahahz..
den went eat..den aft that went coffee bean..yucks..the pure chocolate taste totally YUCKY..so dun ever buy it...den we did sumth which i can say it here..promise to keep it a secret...=D
n ltr xuan crys ling went stay over at xuan hse..i din manage to persuade moi parents..guess they are afraid that history repeats itself bahzz..den well..went home..i tried v hard to slp n was so pek cek..hahaz..cos i cant slp..but after i slept..i woke up with a leg cramp..was sOooOoo painful...den moi father was there scolding cos i tink b4 that moi hp gt sumone message moi..but it wasnt cos of the msg that i woke up mahzz..den he scold moi...=( humph!
ltr gg ecp..lalalazz..but eerrr..it's gg to rain sooOon? guess go arcade or bowling lohxx..since cant cycle..but i feel like gg to find him nehxx...since it's like he's working round there..but eerr..if it rains..guess cant le..cos i needa travel to the bedok jetty there which ishx soOoOo far..no fate lahzz.hahaazz....
to sumone if he/she manage to noe it's he/she..if u wana put moi dwn..dun make it so "obvious"...note the "" mark..so i meant..u werent obvious..but i realli hate pple hu are jus capable of talking behind pple's back but dun confront that person n say it loud..i would jus say that this is cowardice..jus CAPABLE OF TALKING N SPREADING BUT NEVA R U HAVING THE GUTS TO CONFRONT PPLE...
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hmmm..jus felt like writing sumth...well...it's all in hanyu pinyin though...well..moi eng sucks anywae..hahazz....
wei he ren men zong shi zai mang mu de zui qiu shi jie de zong zong dong xi
dan cong mei fa xian
qi shi ta men quo guo le ren shen zui mei hao de dong xi ne?
wei he ren men zong shi na me de mao dun
na me de wu fa man zu
wei shen me zhe shi jie dou hao xiang bei yi ge zi kong zhi le ne
"qian" si hu cao kong le zhen ge shi jie
ran da jia mi shi le zi ji...
to be cont....
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argh...actualli wana blog alot de...bt eerrr....i exceeded the promise of logging on net onli for half n hr..so i gottaz be quick..
huhx...bt i cant write anyth when u cal moi to be quick...errrerrr....*stammers*...
oh well..forget it...i shall not sae anyth...shall wait till next wed..
i shall have moi slp nw..or else moi parents will get naggy..o well..i m glad that i have their concern n they din scold moi...hahazz..cant believe that i manage to survive with 12 hrs of sleep 4 this WEEK... oh well..i tot 12 hrs of slp ishx for a DAE de..hahaz..
whieee...5 more papers to go...
n the idiotic canteen now put up the 45 DAES TO OLEVELS, R U READY FOR IT?!sighss...
yeah...gg to see moi tuition cher 2 tyms..moi maths plus physics gt more hope nw..
opps...half n hr ishx too little le lahz...sighss...
*tug moiself to slp*
or shld i go learn physics?hmm...
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i m dead tired...broke the record of studying till like 4am in the morn n having to study at 9am in the next morning again?i m realli gg to get real crazy one dae..i m realli tired..tired tired tired tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!can tis stop?!!!!!!!!! i m tired...tired plus stress..i guess i cant break the record of nt crying at all...wad a stupid wish of moi...sighss..i m TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!! but i still have to go n stare at those stupid words..stupid concepts..stupid formulas..wth ishx this..i m getting reall.........................argh....i dun wana breakdwn! *screams* i dun like tis kinda life....................................i wan.......................*tears*
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start of the hols soon...which means start of the mugging for prelims..which means prelims ishx cuming...gaga *squint*
okiex...but i shall look on the positive side n enjoy it! *quoted from pw* hahaz..i will try moi best nahzz..*fingers cross* i wana see whether can break a record of nt crying due to stress!!! hmmmm...*gritted moi teeth in determination!* oh well..ishx that the phrase i memorised for paper one?hahazz...
hmmm...i got a collection of pigs at home now..one HUGE one..2 medium ones..bout 3 small ones..hahaz...moi dad was like -__-|| why u have so mani pigs de?! hahaz..den todae i put the bdae pig on the sofa..deliberately block him..hahazz...dun let him sit..den he said..."i tink i shall tell the manufacturer to stop changing the designs of these pigs! u have so mani at home" den i was like luffin n luffing..hahaz..the wae he said it was soOo funny...den he took moi pig n sat dwn! humph! okiex well...
but daddy contradicts himself! in the end..he went out to duno exchange the pans..den he saw a piggy pencil box at raffles place dere..den he bought it for moi!!!!!! i was sOOOOO happiex...but i still duno whether to use or nt..cos gg to end of year le..use new pencil box..bt if i bring the pencil box into exam hall..at least it feels that moi parents are bside moi supporting moi! =)
i m turning into a pig too..i m slping too much! prelims are cuming! cant slp so much..*slaps moi face* hahaz..
to those mugging..jia you! we will tide tru tis..
tmr gg paya lebar to mug wif crys n ling..let's jia you worx! duno why...with them..i feel so much relaz! thanks ya!
oh shacks..i haven do the VENICE th for shuhan yet...*rushes off*
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hmmm...haizz..i dun wana cry over that sumone animore le..ishx nt worth it bahzz..well..i have much more to care bout...moi prelims...moi olevels..n moi parents n of course those pple arnd moi who care bout moi...well..i wont cry le...dun worry..i wont..i try..i will try..
sumone out dere jus dun care bout moi at all..why...why are you like dat...wad are we?why are u so cruell...i hate you! u do nt even show a single tinge of sadness or even ask why things turn out tis wae...instead...u jus ignore n avoid...ignore n avoid..all u noe ishx IGNORE!!!! COWARD! i HATE YOU!
well well..yeah! papa mama readily agree to let moi go prom nitex..neva even beg..hahazz...ling..wish u gd luck in bargaining! hahazz...well..moi parents din realli mind bout the price though..hahazz..i m so happiexx...*grins* looking forward to go buy the clothes with crys ling n others..duno others need clothes or nt..i mean need to buy clothes nt..hahazz..oh yahz...den we tok sumth veri funny bout sumone..beta dun sae here..later she angry...hahazz..though i neva see her angry before...=))
n yahzz...ling..jia you for ur sword dance worxx...jy too! all the best...
oh die..i haven do the VENICE thing which shuhan has sent moi for like 3 weeks??? well..sorry..i shall do it sooner or later...hope so! =)))
jj rawksss....
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