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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
humph!
mummy go thailand le..
wahzz...
no mummy to hug moi everynitex
n tuck moi in to slp..
tis ishx so badiex..
humph!!!!
cant believe i cried at the airport ytd..
when mummy bout to go into the check in pt..
i told moiself no crying le..
but well..
the tears jus cum sumhw..
bad bad moi..
make mummy worry..
but i cant stop crying u c..
so in the end..i noe i bout to cry..
den i said buaizz to mummy..
n ran to take skytrain to terminal 2
cos meeting ling there..
wahzzz...
i miss mummy so much..
den mummy called moi..
told moi nt to cry..
eerrr...but ineffective..
i cried!!
humph!!!
but ling cums then i din cry le..
so we do do hmwk lohxx...
but i still miss mummy..haizz...
n it gt smoky round evening..
the place where mac ishx situated..
aiyo...
den it's like sumth burning..
n ling saes it's a BOMB!!!!!
-_-|||
hw can a bomb gives off smoke when it haven go offf..
nt that i have known of..
den ling sae quickly run
more dots...
-_-|| -___-||
of course we stayed on lahzz...
den there ishx an old man hu tink ishx a tourist?
he gt no one to acc him..
no one to send him off..
or welcum him back..
was so sad for him..
i even cried a little..
dots moi...
was a fun dae n eventful one with ling..
oh the apple pie!!!!
hahazz...
the cashier counted the price ferz apple pie wrongly..
den we told the other cashier..
ling was speaking so softly...
den the cashier jus sae okiex..
ignoring wad ling said..
n passed us the apple pie..
n the receipt was thrown into the bin by the manager..
dots..
bt in the end..
the manager returned the money to us..
but the guy hu served us held the apple pie so tightly and forgt to give us..aft we took the money..
den we were smiling at themm..
den the manager asked..
anyth else?
we said..
eerrr...
the apple pie..
then the guy gave us..
of course embarrassed..
den we luff all the wae..
bad though..
hahazz..
well..yahzz..
airport..
which has been a place of memories in the past...
well..
bt it's in the past le..
i din go to the viewing mall neither..
cos no feelings le bahzz...
usualli will go there..
n find sum memories..
but i din now..hurhur...
so coincidentally..
he smsed moi..
dots..
out of so mani daes..
he smsed moi when i m in the airport????!!!
hahazz...
so moi messages exceeded a no. of 50 messages in a dae..
more den that bahzz..
cos ling lost her wae too..
den were late too..
so was smsing so much..
den oso gt other pple messaging..
shall nt sae hu..
sae oso wont noe..
hahazz..
so moi messaging counter ishx exceeding..
gg to exceed!!
so pw mummy..
sry din reply ur messages horxx..
gee..
cos i needa bear with it till 3rd aug..
hurhur..
well...i miss mummy!!!!!!!!!
wahzz...
to think she went nitex market ytd n DIN CALL BACK!!!!!!!
so badiex..
so daddy n i were so worried!!!!
called n called..
n the stupid hotel dun understand english de...-__-|
had a hard tym communicating..
argh...
den mummy sae she at nitex market..
hence din call back
normalli mummy will put family first de..
n call us back..
cos she noe the worrying feeling..
but she din!!!!!!
humph!!!!!!
mummy mummy wad u dd now..i miss you sOOo much..i wan those hugs that u neva gave moi these daes!!!!!!! =)))
ishx this a childish post?oops...sry if it's too childish though..hahazzz..=PPP thanks for bearing it n reading it till the end though..hahaz...
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disappointment..
nth but disappointment...
why...
why all moi efforts are gg to the drain..
where's the minmin hu works hard..
where's the minmin hu can ahieve her targets no matter hw high n invincible they were..
where's the minmin hu wont cry over petty things animore..
where's the determined minmin hu wans to get A1s...
nowhere..
nowhere to be seen...
it has all disappeared..
it's a dream..
it's a delusion..
i m deceiving moiself..
i m not wad i c in moiself..
i m not wad pple saw...
i m not wad i wana be...
it's a blank aftall..
moi english ishx getting from bad to worse..
n i seriously duno how to get over it..
i cant afford to fret for it and do nth bout it..
all moi subs are based on ENGLISH...
how m i gg to get A1s when moi english ishx like..
argh..
it's worse than a primary one kid..
perhaps even worse than a kindergarten kid...
even if i fret so much..
it wld be dismissed as worrying too much by others..
but does anione noes...
dat wad i said ishx nth but the truth..
NO!
no one choses to believe
no one choses to take it into consideration...
no one...
hw can i get over tis...
+a change of time+
dedicating this to 4BN:
tis post was supposed to be typed on tuesday...
tuesday was a rainy dae in the morning if anione of u remembered..
bt it was not a normal dae for 4BN,
we did sumth that those pple hu see us as nerds wont believe it..hahazz..
soOo...it all began with aaron's idea of scaring pple when they cum to claz as it was really dark in the morning..ironical ritex..but well..it was raining..cant expect it to be any brighter..sOO...he din wana switch on the lights and wana scare pple..n we did jus that..luckily i was not bein scared though..cos onli Eugene in claz when i came..so well..bein sumone hu cant scare others..it ishx no doubt that he cant scare moi..
anywae,we started with waiting for crys to cum to claz as our target ishx her! cos she has alwaes been playing pranks on us...hahazz..so well..those hu came early crouch under tables and chairs to act as if no one ishx in claz with lights off!
so it was dark..real pitched dark..until at around 7..sum light streamed into the claz...but crys haven arrived yet!!!!!!!
so we began scaring others first, with guys at the front door and gals at the back door..we tot we wld succeed in scaring crys..hu noes...
she opened the back door, and as all the gals are unprepared, we din managed to scare her..n our reaction tym was 1.5s aft we saw her n we all.."aHHHH" cos we din scare her...so it continued as we scare other classmates..the most satisfying being jingqing..hahazz..when we scare him..he was totally shocked and "hugging" himself..hahazz..the action of his was real funny..cant stop luffing...though many pple said that it was lame of us to do that, they joined us in the end...
so when the bell rings for lessons, we thought of a great idea..scaring MS sharm as the first lesson ishx hers! so imagine 30 sumth near 40 students crouching under tables and chairs to hide..n we cant tok loudly at all..oh...we even have pple hu hide under umbrellas! UMBRELLAS u noe?u wld neva believe it..n it's two guys hiding under one...hahazz...den ms sharm did walk past our clazz..but well..she din see us!!!!!!! but she din open the door!!!!!!!!! or else we wld have scared her!!!!! grrr...
so she went awae to check her tymtable while the clazz ishx filled with chuckles and giggles..hahazz..den the gals decided dat we shld go back to our seats and pretend as if nth happen..for we scared that ms sharm may not be able to take the joke..
so all of us went back...sitting in our seats obediently...
then...
ms sharm cum in again...
she asked...
where will u jus now..
we ans..
in clazz...
ms sharm :but when i came in no one was in claz!
we: no there is...
then we kept insisting that we were really in claz (yahz,of course we were realli in claz,jus that we were under tables and chairs...hahazz..)
then ms sharm kept saying that she realli felt weird but we said that she was abit..eerrr..not okiex?cos her maths lesson got one qn she said weird things..hahazz..so she was sumhw convinced that perhaps tues ishx a weird dae..
but our claz?
hahazz...
amazed by the big joke we made...
~4BN ROCKS ON~
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sick..
thanks to moi Maria aka Verena..
it has been long since i felt like tis..
tis feeling ishx nt good at all..
haizz..
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heex..i m so happiex nww...hahazz..=)))
well..cos jus now ask mummy bout moi plans after olevels..n she agreed readily to let moi learn wad i wan..!! i was sOO happiex..din noe she wld jus agree so readily without even hesitating..she jus merely asked why the sudden urge..den i was like..well..nt sudden nahzz..jus that i din tel u all onli mahzz..hahazz...
so i wana take up alot of things during hols..including working bahzz...(that ishx if i found one)..cant possibly rely on mummy for all those courses fees...hmmm..i wana consider learning..hip hop dance nehxx...which has been wad i alwaes wanted..but horxx...well..i gotaazzz consider another thing which i m too shy to sae here...! hahahazz..okiex..no matter wad..this fulfiling of passion shall be moi motivation to work hard now to get As for moi Olevels...HMMM..i will and can get it de! geee...well...DARE TO DREAM mahzz..eerrr..will get it anot another issue nahzz..hahahzz..=PPP but i m gg to let moi passion drive moi on!
so todae gt career seminar..well..JCs seem to be more interesting than poly talks which i duno why..hahazz..but well..no matter wad i will go JCs bahzz..realise that i m not one hu can do well in poly life..hahazz...jus hope that i wont be killed by GPs papers in JC..dat moi onli hope though..okiexx..so VJ i need to get max 11 pts onli and TJ max 13 pts onli...soOO..which meanss..if both moi maths can mantain its standards..n moi chem..hcl will be an A2..i wont dream too high for that...so i needa count on moi physics or bioloy for moi A1..which most prob i hope that physics can help moi though moi physics hasnt been good till tis year it improved..so max moi elit n physics or bio can get ishx 6 pts for VJC..hmmm...doesnt seem hard..but elit ishx not a sure case..so i shall sleep wif IM THE KING OF THE CASTLE n TWELFTH NIGHT for now..dat all i can count on..n of course a pass in english! (not too high an expectations..okiex..i shall list wad i wana achieve in moi wish list..=))
well..i have a maid now!!!!!! hu ishx.........da da da... VERENA!!!!!! hahazz..she sae she wana compensate moi cos she passed her flu to moi..n now moi throat hurts sum more..hahahzz...so she kipz calling moi mdm while i called her Maria..alot of jokes manzz..bt well..everyone was saeing i was soO bad to her..wah wah..okiex..i shall be an extraordinary good mdm n treat moi Maria gd frm nw on..while pw mummy will be the elderly mdm as called by Verena..hahazz...
life get so much more fun with moi frens arnd..thanks for giving moi happiness and hopes as i live moi daes..i cant tink of wad will happen w/o u all by moi side...
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hmm..jus tot i shld cum here more often though shld nt be so..hahazz..
great..i m dwn wif flu symtons nw which i alwaes had last yr when i wld fall sick every month...tis year ishx such a great improvement le..bt well..verena seems to have passed tis flu bug to moi..die die..i hate flu! hope it does not manifest though..hahazz...
hmmm..i m getting more n more tired each dae..each min..each sec..wonder hw long can i hold on..
haizz...olevels are realli driving moi crazy..have to gave up quite alot of gd stuff jus cos of it..i feel so bad when moi cousin hu came bac frm shanghai wanted moi acc her go out..bt!!!!!!!!!!! cos of those piling hmwk n tests..i cant!!!!! so disappointed wif moiself and that i have to reject her..feeling realli bad..arghzz..i wana go out wif her..but!!!! haizzz...
when can tis torture end?
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jus depressed...haizz...
anywae...ytd went to jj "concert" at np..hahazz..so happiex..took quite alot of pics..though moi cam ran out of batt half wae..i hate dat batt..gg to change it! humph!...well..we were latee...so we were at the back of the queue..not realli back though lahzz..i guessed i may have die of luffing ytd..hahazz..joleen n ben jokes were like so lame but cant stop luffing..hahazz..
tink jj album ishx realli worth listening n buying..though till now..i m still abit blur bout wad all his songs ishx trying to sae..i still cant catch the essence of it..but i will try to find it one dae..most prob aft moi olevels..it cum first b4 anyth except moi parents though..kekexx..bt ytd he tok about how his songs were made and why were it so..realli felt that he ishx a great talent..n i even cried during one of his MVs...hahazz...it's realli an album worth buying n listening to get essence of it..cos it's not a cliche album whereby all the songs are about LOVE..jus Love..at least..his album has a wider scope to moi..=)))
but i m so elated that i managed to get his autograph n shook his hands!!!!!!!! so happiex..kekekex..realli love ytd!! it was so fun (weelll cos of the trip to np n how ben pris joleen jy michelle n moi make sum funny jokes) n memorable...aaaaaaaahhhhhhh..jus hope dat olevels will be over asap..lalalala..
but no matter how happiex ytd may be..it has to cum to an end sumhw...duno why..i felt so depressed the moment i woke up tis morn..haizz..dat's why i din tok much n avoid pple whom i most prob will quarrel with cos of realli trivial matters dat get on moi nerves though..jus tok to pw mummy todae ..i mean tok real lot to her lahzz..rest..okiex lahzz...haizz...
i cant even believe dat i was so depressed dat i even cried in clazz..aiyoo...tsk tsk...haizz..jus cant ctrl..but luckily no one notice..perhaps the cher..
den huang lao shi lesson made moi even more eehhh..sad?i duno..sumhw...when tok bout topics of life..i get real depressed..cos u cant change these things..u have to accept it willingly though reluctantly..but wad can u do? how huang lao shi tok bout his marriage n children realli touched moi sumhw..i mean..no matter hw much u love sumone..when u cant express it well..it means nth to that sumone..n oso success n happiness..which wld u chose?we cant have both of these worlds..have to choose one sumhw..but sumhw..humans cant forgo both or have one n be contented wif it..we wan more n more n more...wad for?i duno..i feel as if i m the slave of tis ironic world dat we are living in..the slave of tis word "money"..why we humans ask for so mani things when in the end,the final route for us ishx still death?wad we have achieved can neva be brought along with us...den why don we jus live our daes happily as it ishx..do the things we like..but ironically..though we hear these words sumtyms..we are still bombarded by the need to study, to achieve gd results, to get into a gd sch, to carve out a career n finally wad's the aim? to earn as much money as u can to enjoy life..but are u happy..at least i m not..cos i dun like to be controlled..i wan to do wad i wan in this one lifetym dat i have..bt too bad..it's an ironic world dat we are living in..we jus have to accept things...haizz...
i feel sumth missing..but i duno wad it ishxx...i m jus sinking into depression..like neva b4..it has been long since i bcum so emotional n let emotions rule moi mind n not moi brain..tis feeling ishx neva gd..i dun like tis feeling at all..bt once again..so wad if u dun like?u have to accept it..haizzz..wad ishx this world all bout?
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hmmm...sOO here ishx moi 1-2 hrs of net..well well..i din realli kipz to moi promises though...watched tv for few hrs bahzz...hmmm..no gd...
jus reached hm..why?thanks to dat pw mummy hu wants moi to acc her while she wait ferz her co...so as a goodiex daughter..i jus pei ta lohzz..hahazz..im reluctant though...hmmm...
well..finalli bought jj album to let him sign next wk..haizz..prays no tests..or else i will die until veri cham de..hahazz..i m sOO excited!!!! lala..can get his signature n see him!! hahazz..so pris liling n ben joining..the more the merrier..hope it will be real fun..hahazz...
oral on thurs..wad shld i sae..i m satisfied bahzz..no regrets..i did wad i wan..i said wad i can..rest of it..up to fate to decide bahzz..but luckily i got a gd cher..to moi lahzz..hahazz..din noe dat actually ms chan gave such high marks..lucky those hu went to her..hahazz...
things are getting worse..sumhw..i guess all the past talks bout reconciling n working hard to a better bonding btw us ishx over..i duno wad does that thing dat u wrote mean..izzit referring to moi..i duno..i guess u wont tel moi too..i guess both of us are jus putting on masks n trying to prevent the tension btw us from breaking n eventually leading us to more quarrels n perhaps even causing those neutrals ones in trouble..wadeva it is..if dat thing refers to moi,i hope i get the chance to explain..cos..i m in no gd situation either..i mean...i experienced the moments which u experienced..i experienced the kind of being neglected feeling ferz tis period..but i jus i have to tolerate it..but wad r we trying to prove to each other..dat we can neva be frens?dat we are jus putting on masks?why r we alwaes hurting ourselves..i duno..i realli duno wad's happening..i mean why cant we be like normal kind of pple hu got along..i feel as if u r revenging..u r trying to make moi feel the feeling of being neglected..i feel as if onli if i m bein neglected, den u will feel a sense of euphoria..ishx tis the ending dat u wan..if it ishx..fine..but i will hate u foreva..dat's for sure..cos..no matter wad good moments we have shared..it seems dat u jus couldnt wait to see dat i m dead in front of u...n i can sae..i wont admit defeat..why mus i alwaes put in efforts n be the one hu give in..not animore...yahzz..i m lamenting again..
enuff of tis bahzz...
anywae..i learnt alot of lame jokes from aaron..hahaz..pw mummy ishx so scared by it i guess..or sick of it..hahazz..but i still find it nice..kekexx...
so i shall aim for that money dat moi papa n mama ishx gg to give moi if i lose a kg a week..n i will do dat..now..lost 1.5 kg in the period of 3 n a half dae..shall jia you..dun tempt moi! =))))
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back...
dun wish to tok about it..
dun wana invite trouble..
i m not mute..
still...
i can sae wad i wan on moi blog..
dat's wad moi opinion ishx..
n it still holds..
=P
yeah!!i got e tix to go for a "concert"(not realli) of jj..i m sOOo sOO excitedd...hahazz...jy went wif moi..hmm..thanks yahzz...i m sOOo looking forward..anywae..but it's on tues..which ishx a weekdae?parys..no test pls..or else i m dead..so i make a promise to moiself dat i will mugged real hard frm now..which means..no tv..no internet except for 1 to 2 hrss..no slacking..no pig-ging...n study hard..n the reward ishx..gg to tis concert..hahazz..i will do it..*determined*
todae gt speech dae..well..i wana slp le..hahazz...but jy studied wif moi for the morn..den go to sch..kekex...den got the prize..sumhw..proud of the sch achievements..hmm...den went concourse..called jy..den calling..saw hurhem...congratulated moi..hmm..touched..hahazz...congratulate moi 3 tyms..hahazz..thanks yahzz..sry abit rude..was toking on fone ya c..jajaz..long tym no c mahzz...hmmmmmmm...thanks to everyone for ur congrats..=P
i realised dat perhaps being a free radicle ishx a gd thing aft all..haizz..i dun wana sae wad i realli feel here..jus i wana drift awae..bt i knew i cant..cos i cant do w/o at least sumone..perhaps wad jy sae ishx ritex..being a neutral person alwaes benefit the most n he/she wont notice even if u r nt wif him/her..well.well..i realli wana..haizz..duno nahzz..i m jus so depressed by all those things i see n hear..but guess since u r soO neutrall..u wont feel a thing..not a single thing...
perhaps...as wad moi nick suggests..pleasing sumone ishx nt an easy th aft all..haizz...
anywae..i will still be happiex...cos i learnt one th..happiness ishx in ur hand..wad u wana feel ishx wad u decide to be..=)
anywae..i m gg to mugged hard oso for another reason..i gg to do the things i realli like n fulfill moi passion during the dec hols...dat will be moi honeymoon..i m looking forward to it...i m so glad dat other then studies i finalli can fulfill moi passion..things dat i wished to excel in except studies..so i m not a nerd!---> particularly to xin yan..hear it?hahazz..
prelims oral cuming..great...it's english sum more..haizz..
moi physics ishx nt doin gd again..the standard i've now ishx realli not wad a person hu can get a1 in physics ishxx..i m gg to get dat a1! of course wif the help of moi tutor..lalalazz...
glad dat i have no tuition tmr though..or else i've no tym! hahazz...
ciaozzz...
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