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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
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The special ONE
well...how i wish the prev hmwk list can get off moi mind asap..i m dead from rushing it out...wah....grrr...hahaz...
hmmm...well..we mon din go claz outing...tink sum pple will noe why bahz...hahaz...sry worx...oh anywae...hl hse ishx so coOOooOoLLllLl...condo n have such superb swimming pool which i cant resist moi temptation at all..swam quite a few laps..but still i love the pool so much..n her hse oso..wowow..so bBbbBiiiGGggG...n her rm..air con =P i m jealous! it's aircon..so conducive for learning..but oso conducive for ZZzzzZZzZzzZ..hahahazz....den i din joined them for bk fair..firstly..i noe i wont buy..secondly..even if i buy..i wont read..so..i din go..tempted to go arcade with hl though..but clever mi managed to hold moi temptations! hahaz...if i noe moi tutor wont cum todae..perhaps i will go with them..was rushing things out soOo dat i got things to do for the next lesson..den mum wan mi postponed it..cos no one at hm..den he sae can onli cum on wed...at nitex...8PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which means moi 9pm show ishx gone..poof!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrr...still i cant sae anyth!!!!!!!! but i wan moi 9pm show...argh...grrr..grrr....
hmmm....i m still angry with him...grrr....halo!?! moi cousin ishx at moi hse n pardon u..she ishx jus p5?she asked mi qn about how to op moi fone which ishx totalli new to her got anyth rong mehx...why mus u get soOo fed up! i oso got wait for u when u wana tok to other pple or when other pple call u when we were on e fone..i din get the least angry at all..even i get angry..i wont hang up the fone..it's so rude! grr...n i hate pple to hang up the fone! i HATE DAT! it's rude..okiex..so be more civilised can u...n i call u wana apologise to u u hang up moi fone again!stupid..dun pick up the calls oso..fine...u wana get petty? i oso can wad..grr..but actualli i m not angry lahz...i jus duno why u like dat...izzit call u to wait veri nan ma?cant u be more gentleman?moi cousin nidz mi to ans her sum qn mahz..wad's wrong?i duno why u treat others wont like dat...den treat mi like shit..wadeva...up to u wad u wana feel..i can onli sae..yahz..i may be in the rong...but how about you?haizz...i m jus soOOo disappointed...
hmmm..the dsa forms ishx getting on moi nerves..soOo mani things to fill in.haiz.back to filling in forms..
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mOi list of hmwk
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-2 chi compo
-2 zhou ji
-phy e-learning microlessons
-phy e-learning ws
-chem june 2000 paper
-chem nov 2000 paper
-chem june 2001 paper
-chem nov 2001 paper
-chem june 2002 paper
-chem nov 2002 paper
-chem QA ws
-chem organic chem ws
-bio june 2003 paper
-bio june 2004 paper
-phy maris stella prelim papers
-phy paya lebar methodists prelim papers
-read eng notes (topic 1-7)
-analysis of eng mid-yr answers
-2 compre ex.
-eng handout 1
-3-chi ws
-a maths cedar prelim papers
-ss 2SBQs
-ss 2 SEQs
-ss junyuan ex
-ss mindmap of sec 4 chpt 4, 5, 6
-e geog 2004 mid-yr papers
-e maths nanyang prelim papers
-a maths holiday hmk from website
-chi memorise ying yong wen
-bio genetics test
*credit to pw mummy*
haizz...piles of hmwk..as you can c..i wonder when i can finish it...hmmm..actualli i din tot it was so much..cos write in handbk ishx all veri general de..not like wad pw did..haiz...i m way behind schedule for moi hols planning...i cant do wad i have planned...gota replan as wad pw said..argh..i hate dat...why cant the teachers leave us to our own n let us revise...moreover, i realised dat the teachers give so much hmwk..but alwaes neva take back except for hcl,eng...rest...yes n no...argh..den make mi waste moi tym...when they dun mark..n i do till so cham....soOOo stupid...i will forever rem how i spent moi dec hols last year trying so hard to finish moi lit...in the end...ms chan nt our cher...hmwk not collected at all!!!!!!!!! argh...grrr.....
i gota study hard!real HARD!mus study hard!
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i m soooooooooooooooo bloody angry........i m sssssssssooooooooooooooo pissed offf now...how can moi bro jus format e com like dat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i spend hours hours ytd installing all those stupid cam thing...n he jus format everyth jus like dat....i spent e whole dae on it....moreover,format the com w/o telling mi anyth!!!!!!! moi work saved in it...wad's the prob manz!!!!!!!!!!i spent hrs n hrs dd moi work n it got deleted jus like dat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! f*ck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wad the helll...fuck you lahz...format format format format!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wad the hell.....f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck...i m sooooooo bloddy pissed off......all moi work inside haven even print out giv teacher,now delete format everyth lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spent sooooooo much tym dd it...EVERYTHING ISHX LOST LOST LOST!!! LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I M NOT GG TO LET TIS REST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
furthermore now moi aunt ishx here...cant even vent moi frustration..wad the hell...i wanna shout! i wana shout!!!!!!!!!!!!i wana scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
moi DSA th now cant even open cos all moi microsoft thing lost...n i have totalli no mood to go find the fucking disc which ishx duno hidden at wadeva part of tis house...i wana do moi DSA th de...now..NTH CAN BE DONE...!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i m so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spent so much tym todae getting the necessary documents for it...now i cant do a single th!!! jus cos he format tis bloody stupid thick head idiot com!!!!wad the....
moi half dae gone cos of DSA..now i cant do anyth! grr...
back to wad i dd jus now..wantin to blog..cos of moi bro...argh...i not gg to tink about it now..aft moi aunt go hm....i will vent all moi frustrations....argh....
went kfc wif quite sum pple todae...i realise i like the mushroom shrooms a lot...sOOo nice...pw mummy..i still wan go n eat next tym...i tink i will have yuan fen wif the sing post kfc le..lalaz...=)))
den aft dat..went mpl study wif jiayi...sOOo nice nehx..hahaz...the atm all veri de nice...got tables n chairs...den got cold cold de..hahaz...so nice..den i jus kipz studying..no distraction...quite good bahz..hahaz..pw mummy..yi hou wan study tink go library..cant concentrate in mac..will tok tok tok..but library cant tok mah..so do hmwk lohx..hahaz...den jia yi sae veri tired..go drink coffee..in e end..i do hmwk moiself at that place till one hr plus she haven even cum back..so i gave up...packed..took her bag..den go look for her..as expected..she ishx reading at the starbucks coffee dere..aiyo..hahaz..knew she will read till forget tym those type..haiz...
i wana slp...hmmmm....i m not satisfied with moi results at all...though i can sae i did moi best le...so i duno how to put in more effort since tis ishx moi best le..but i will still cont working hard..hmmm..*determined*
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hmmm..i still duno wad to do..i still duno wad ishx he tinking..haizz..wana do sumth...but duno wad...i wana give him sumth...but can u tel mi wad exactly r u thinking?i duno,i cant guess,i wont noe if u keep everyth to urself...waiting ferz ur sms ishx neva easy..but i m still waiting for moi answer...i wana noe...ishx everyth said by eu true?i duno..i got no confidence..i m losing out..i duno why..pls..tel mi why...
haizz...i guess i wont go find him tmr bahz...well well..but.........i wana......argh..nvm...
realised dat i liked being alone sumtyms...too much to bear...haizz..but sumtyms..realli nidz sumone dere...but i dun wana feel as if i m quiet cos i dun wana tok to her..ishx cos i m too tired k...dun misunderstand worx..i wana treasure eu worx..gee...tot of quite sumth todae..perhaps...i will make sum amendments end of tis year..but it's a perhaps onli..cos i still hab hatred..hurhur...
been trying to keep moiself busy with work..dun wana mix arnd..dun wana tok too much..dun wana tink too much..i dun wana do alot of things..n i m not treasuring the pple arnd mi at all..haizz....anywae...i realised i luv maths more n more...hahahz...perhaps mi will gen pw mummy qiang fan wan worx..hahaz..but i enjoyed doing more n more sums todae..duno why..i jus wana kipz gg..keep dd...keep tinking..perhaps by keeping moiself busy..i wont feel the feeling of missing sumone..waiting ferz sumone's sms...haizz....
anywae..papa n mama are soOo gd..haiz...i guessed i m the xin fu one bahzz....i have everyth i wan..papa mama give mi the best of everyth...but i guessed i m not treasuring..haizz..todae papa cum all the wae to sch to give mi moi purse..which i hab been so careless to drop it in the car tis morn..haizz..so careless..den papa mama scared i no $$..so well..papa fetch moi purse to mi...during moi health check...soOO gd...muacks! gee....
realised dat alot of pple told mi dat i m realli pessistmistic n i realli fang bu xia alot of things...n i tend to hurt moiself though the other party ishx so happiex at the other end...perhaps wad huiling sae ishx ritex..i shld learn to be happiex...i should ctrl how i live moi daes..i will try...
i m not gg to tink animore..i dun wana lose eu..i dun wan..i guessed i m gg to kipz moiself busy againzz...
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moi mood ishx seriously dwn nw..n i duno why...luckily pw mummy ishx not dat type of will quarrel with mi de when i sort of vent moi frustration..or else..haizz...u all shld noe the outcome of quarrelling...n i dun wan regret..i noe if i lsoe tis frenship i hab with pw mummy, i guessed i will cry till duno wad...i believed the lost will be far more painful den how i break up with carol n mj...thanks ferz cheering mi up anywae pw mummy...gib ya a sMiLe..=) s wad u wan..hahaz...but i still find it amazing y u find mi sad..cos i tot i m more angry den sad?! hahaz...
she told mi dat dere ish tension btw us two..i dun noe..i feel as if i m beyong caring for it..in e past..i used to care bout it..kipz on trying to maintain..but it seems dat i dun hab dat kind of feeling to do so..i noe..i hab tak her ferz granted..i believe..if one dae..i lose her..i will den feel the pain and feel regretful dat i din treasure her at all..but now..i still cant treasure..i duno why...n well...no matter how hard i try...things are still back to sq one..why?! i duno..but i guess the fault ishx with mi...cos well..i guess ishx cos studies hab been our priority...n we tend to compare ourselves with ur frenz and compete...but s wad i told jy dat tym..when she said she was shocked dat i lent her moi ss script cos well..she tinks that pple in our claz are competitive n tend to dun lend pple deir notes ferz fear dat person can do beta den u when u lend her ur script..but all i can sae ishx..i sort of kan tou tis th le..yahz...i do admit in the past..i do compete with pw mummy..pw mummy u shld noe ritex...den we even quarrel cos of it...but frm den on..i find dat it ishx meaningless...cos we r still gg to diff jcs nxt tym..n have diff goals in life..wad's the meaning of competing...we will be seaprated in the end..we will reach diff destinations in the end..isnt it more worth to treasure the magical bonding we hab btw us den letting competing our results weaken the bond n finalli break us up....at least dat's wad i felt... n nw..i cant stand competing..i cant stand the fact that we will hab to treat our frenx as enemies as so to speak...n to beat that person dwn by having beta results den dat person..i cant stand tis..i dun like tis..i dun wana hear tis frm moi frenx..perhaps dat's why i cant seems to get along with her..n things r getting from bad to worse..
i noe dat u r a gd fren..i realli hope to fulfill ur wish of having everlasting frenship..cos u once told mi dat i m the one dat treasure frenship alot..i wana treasure u..i wana gib u an everlasting frenship..but it seems dat things are getting harder..n i duno why...but as wad i said..the fault lies with mi..n i duno how...
all i can sae..ishx i hope dat u can tok to mi...cos i dun wana pw mummy to tel mi...or rather be the middle person..it will be communication breakdwn in e end..cos in the past..moi frenship with e other frenx oso like dat..cos we dun wan speak to each other ritex in the face..which results in the breaking up..well..but i believe we will not end up like dat..cos to mi...i feel dat all of u are dat kind of wont do things to hurt someone real badly...i duno how to sae..but i do noe dat there ishx a great diff btw u all n moi past...n i realli hope one dae we can tok it out..cos things are not getting ani beta if we choose to kipz to ourselves bahz....furthermore..ms k ishx gg to spilt us up..so well...i hope dat in e future..we wont becum strangers...
i hope n i hope we can tok it out......
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wow..tis the fastest blogskin i ever changed..norm will take one to two daes to get one skin done..nw i took onli one hr?! hahaz...
well,hasnt been updating realli..dun hab the urge to type u c..hahaz...well well..now i shall type...cos i feel like it...okiex..i m jus laming...
ytd was onyi bdae! happiex bdAe!well..i tot i din wana go de..cos tink will feel left out..halo..all her frenx nehx..den onli mi frm diff sch..though i noe jevonne n annabelle(spell?)..bt well..still tink will feel left out..bt jevonne dat tym wrote in her blog dat i will go..soOo i tot onyi tot dat i will go le..so din wana disappoint her..soOO went lohx..gee..prepared a present so hastily..but i m still proud of it..lalaz...hahaz...
hmmm..ytd went kbox...sang for like 4 to 5 hrs? hahaz...with her two guys frenx too..den keep choosing songs...den mi n onyi sang mo li (she) den she sae will tink of mj n carol..well..i gt nth to sae..cos i dun tink of anyone..hahaz...i m immuned to it le..duno why...i dun feel the pain animore when someone tok about them..i dun feel their existence at all...duno why..i m surprised at how i tak it so lightly..i tot i wld neva forget the frenship n daes we used to have...apparently..i forgt le..n even if sumone trigger mi to rem it...i dun feel the pain..hmmmm...which ishx quite unusual of mi...hmmm...
okiex..back...we sang n sang..was totalli crazy..den went arcade to find the two guys...den onyi n jevonne played the hse of e dead...dey were screaming at the top of their voice...everyone was looking..though hse of the dead ishx jus about shooting ur enemies..dey screamed...well..ferz mi..i was tinking if i wld scream not..bt there ishx nth to be scared bout nehx...hmmm...
den we played pool..mi n onyi..jevonne n annabelle...with the two guys as teachers..but well..i cant exert any force at all on the ball...the ball either travel veri little..or moi stick "flew"...hahazz...kinda stupid...but well..i duno how to play mahz...so i kipz pushing to onyi to play..hahaz...den she veri de pro..still sae duno how to play..all our balls ishx she shoot de lohx...so pro..hahaz..
hmm..den was veri de late le..first tym so late go hm though tmr gt sch..hahaz...but moi parents oso neva sae anyth..lalazzzz....
n i managed to contact wen lao shi le..so happiex...we tok alot alot alot..realli surprised dat i can tok soO much to a cher..hahaz...but well..hope dat we can kipz in contact bahz...
hmmmm...i shall sae all the happiex things b4 moving on to e sad things bahzz...
hmmm...watched coach carter on mon with the schoool...not veri noisy nahz..i cried..denise oso cried ..hahaz..i tried to hold back moi tears..but to no avail lahzz...haizz..too bad...though i dun like to cry..hahazz...c moi wish list ritex...
den went suntec walk walk...hahaz...quite nice to walk with them..gee...din expect dat i wld see him...hahaz..was so surprised..hurhur...but strange..i did hab the feeling dat i will c him when i first stepped into suntec..perhaps i alwaes habe dat kind of instinct bahz..tsk tsk...
mid year examss...
well well..i m immuned to all moi marks..duno why..usualli i get so low..i will cry n cry n cry...surprisingly..i din cry much..except that tym cried on denise shoulders...cos..well...dun sae lahz..gee...anywae..i m rreali surprised at moi attitude...bt duno why..when sh nu er tried to console mi..i nearly wana cried..hahaz...haiz...all i can sae ishx i did moi best le..if dat the results..dere ishx nth i can do le...but....i m sorriex to mrs tan..realli sorriex to her...dun wish to sae why bahz...but well..i realli din meant it lahz..but dat tym under that kind of exam condiitions..i tend to get real stress up n i cant tink at all..n i promise moiself dat i wont commit such mistakes again..sorriex...
aHHhHH..n physics..dat the happiest of all..hahaz...at least i neva dui bu qi justin...hahaz..i m sOOo sOOo happiex when i saw moi marks..nearly cried..hahaz..cos i din expect it to be able to get such marks lahz...i m sOOo happiex..hahazz...at least justin efforts of teaching mi soO hard paid off..of course plus moi hard work u noe..hahazz...okiex okiex...he haven noe bout it..guess will tel him on fri bahz..think he will be real happiex..hahazz..lalalz...i m soO happiex ferz tis...nw since moi phy you yi dian qi se le..i tink i will concentrate on others sci bahz...chem ishx one thing i nidz to work hard on...*determined* since i habe such gd chem cher- mrs tan n oso justin to help mi..i will get gd results except den tis mid year though..cos i concentrated too much on physics le..hmmm..
n to pw mummy..thanks ferz helping mi out ferz moi lit..i realli appreciate it..she stayed back ferz mi hahaz...den told mi everything dat happened in hangwood slowly...thanks alot..i realli realli treasure n appreciate it..gee...n well..lit was okiex lahz...at least...i m gaining moi passion ferzx it..but i m realli sick of the two bks..we hab been studying the same thing n same thing over again with the same marks though..but it's real boring..hahaz...
n oso...on sat we went study amaths together..duno why..i was suddenly veri dwn now..duno..haiz...aft gg to pw mummy blog..about the studying part..i m real dwn..greatly affected though it ishx a small matter..oso duno why i soO sad by it..haizz....
hmmm...i duno how to ctrl tis feelings ferz him..i noe it's not ritex..but....haiz....
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