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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
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i slept fer most of e dae todae..i wana slp...i dun wana exist in the reality..i m irritated!!!!!! veri irritated!!! pissed off...wad's this world i m living in...e pple r takin mi fer granted when i try to treasure them! wad's the meaning of tis...i tried to treasure...n all i get ishx nth!! grr...n dat stupid person hu din treasure?wad he get...luv n luv n luv frm u all..!!!! grr...
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been dd tis skin for quite sum tym...finalli it ishx up..
anywae...todae sports dae..yahzz...i return to dat place..discipline duty...din realli cheer..i was tired all along..n the constant standing up make mi feel soOOOoOo tired norx...morn was like leading the "lost" sheeps in...den so tiring..cos one person will cost u a lOoooOong lOOoOooong wae...hahaz...bt i did fulfill moi duty kaex...bt as there arent soOooOo mani lost sheeps..i gt nth to do u noe..haizz..den saw pw mummy...so led her to 4bn norx...den denise came n sOOoOo on..like to play wif si xuan sumtyms...kekex...duno why nahzz...den nth to do..soOoOo go 4bn dere stand tok tok a while den do duty den if gt pple kan hao lead till dere..oso go tok tok..haiz...
saw him while dd duty huhxx...was like..dotz...i din expect to be able to c him s i m nt dd his level mahzz...no cheering for his level too...kinda sad nahzz initialli..bt well..jus wana fulfill moi duty bt din expect to c him norx...bt welll..i actualli veri happiez to c him..cos since i dun hab his level duty...i cant go find him oso wad...so qi guai..hahazz...ehxx....i realize moi feelings nw le lahzz...bt i cant...nopex..i cant..argh...bt sum feelings cant ctrl nahzz...gee...let's c hw bahzz...perhaps its a temperament emotion onli..bt left wif few months in cchms..wad can i do huhx...last yr oso like dat...dat person left wif few months..nw ishx mi..i realize last yr i ke wang de duty ishx opp of tis year..hahazz...so dotz lehx....
den discipline duty sOOoOo stupid norx...pple were rushing out as if dey neva gO toilet b4..kinda pek cek cos soOoo mani pple gg out..den oso duno wana stop them or let them go out..n i neva had such a big stack of ez link cards on moi hand b4 nehxx...den gt two guys wana fight like dat..dey siaoz lahz..soOo lame..8 cant stand it* den later mj dun let pple go out..bt sum pple realli veri urgent norx..can c...i realli wish to let them go out norx...if i put moiself in their shoes..i will be sOOoOo...urgent still cant go toilet..kinda stupid norx..bt well..nt dat i wana go against mj...jus cos sum pple realli urgent..i will bu she de den let them goOo out lahzz...bt of course..those duhz guys hu keep gg toilet get lost lahzz...hahazz...i find out frm todae dat guy's bladder like nt gd like dat..mostly r guys gg out norx..duhzzz....
den aft dat went out wif jy...watch jian gui 10 or 10 jian gui..wadeva..it's humour plus horror..i tink the scriptwriter ishx superb...bt the director nt dat gd bahzz..hahaz..dat's wad i tink..nice movie lehxx...i hab neva seen one horror plus humour de..nw i saw one le..hahaz...bt of course i scared nahz..was like holding hands wif jy..gee...den practicalli e whole cinema ishx full of cchms pple..n dey duno wad ishx self discipline de nehx...make noise for no reason..irritating..den aaron n ben n xuan n joanne n joleen..still gt hu huhx...ehx...inside cinema too..hahazz...quite nice bahzz...overall...
pw mummy msg sort of make me out of moi wits i shld sae..haizz..i duno...firstly..recently..i m exp emotional stuff n i cant ctrl moi temper n attitude...sry to those whom i hab de zui...i din meant it..bt i jus get frustrated beri easily...n i cant get tis off mi...n i duno y pple r sOooO paranoid over deir marks...duno lehx..i find dat i change le..wadeva mark i get..i let it be..since tis ishx wad i can do onli..duno nahzz..i dun wana aim sOooO high le...n towards her..i duno why..i jus cant bring moiself to be open towards her..somehw i felt dat i cant communicate well wif her..n there's nth i can do..i m trying..bt i cant..duno why...why tis thing happened..i oso duno....help! argh...i felt soOoOo bad n guilty towards her...cos i kinda ignore her like wad she said..bt..sorriex...i cant explain moiself..cos i oso duno wd i m feeling..i will try..sry for hurting u..b assured dat tis frenship wld cont...i will make it fine...perhaps...i cant bring moiself to e past le..i m realli a changed person..i cant trust ani frenships le..cos it's void all along..hence i cant put in soOooO much effort animore..i prefer to be alone..i prefer to be dependent on moiself..i dun wan pple to noe mi inside out...cos i m once betrayed by tis kinda trust..sOOooOo dat's why bahzz..i dun wana find excuse..i noe i m in e wrong..i will try to change bahzz...=) oso...haizz...jy oso told mi e same th..arhhh...i realli duno wad to do...
~i realize moi feelings towards him todae...~
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guess moi updating ishx getting veri little..bt well..i m jus too tired nahz
okiex...todae went watch huang cheng...veri de nice norx...i lub the first one..do treasure those arnd u..u neva noe when u cant be wif them..well..overall nice nahz..hahazz...n i realised wu lao shi nt as bad as i tot to be..yahzz...dat wad i tink nahz...she's a gd cher aftall lahz...
n i bought a new hp todae..so nice..hahaz..i luv it lots..gota take gd care of it...n i put tong hua as moi ringtone..veri de nice...hahaz...bt moi resolution veri de low..haizz...nt as gd as moi dad..of course lahzz...his cost 400 plus nehx...anywae..i guess since i decided to change moi hp ishx i decided to put moi past behind bahzz...cos inside moi folder still alot of messages which i realli sumhw bu she de..dey r moi memoriex...which i lub...
den last few daes cdc camp..talentime was nice..sorriex grp one..i din tak the mic cos moi voice was veri bad dat dae..cos i went screaming mahzz...hahazz...kinda to fa xie dat dae..so thurs moi voice ishx sort of lost..so i cant sing! so well i cant take the mic u c..gee...
den ehx...pai xi n play..okiex lahzz...bt duno..sumhw veri enthu bout cdc..wana do it gd...cos it's left wif one month den step dwn le..shld do it gd lahzz...correct..hahazz...realli suddenli veri enthu...
den nw i m sOOOooOo tired...bt still gt the stupid ying yong wen to bei! grr...
bt i guess sch reopen ishx still quite relaz...cos 24th ishx sports dae..which i realli luv it..cos can cheer till u drop..n can cheer wif the school..which ishx sOOOOoooOOo nice...bt it oso meant gg back to stadium..todae go back hm frm huang cheng..went past it..was kinda wana go back..wana c him...bt ehx..well..everyth has past..i cant do anyth to revive it..to go back in tym..i sumhw ishx in a dilemma..i dun wana go back cos of dat sad feeling..i wana go back cos i wan memoriex...haizz...wad can i do..argh...i felt so weak wheneva i tink of the past..i cant think of it! i cant! argh...why m i alwaes so weak..stupidly weak...i cant ctrl moiself..i cant tink..ahHHhHHhaHHhhH....help! den 24th need go c stage for back stage..go lohx..wad to do..bt hope still gt voice...dun care..i will shout till i drop..last yr le..i guess i will cry when i leave cdc n chung cheng..cos i gt alot alot alot of memoriex..too much...
ehx...why i tok of tis th huhx...argh...i suddenly miss so mani pple..headache...guess i will turn in soon...
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Life ishx so boring...haizz...
anywae...ytd went to watch bball match wif on yi...n her "reddish boy" kekex...ritex...on yi..anywae..well..the bball match was real cool..all the guys sOOoOO tall n sOOoOO gd...once they get the ball..u will expect it to go into the basket in no tym..pro ritex...well..both teams r equalli gd..one ishx a army team one ishx an international team..den the international team lost...veri paiseh de nehx..to them nahz...bt they lost by 2 to 3 pathetic pts onli lohx..aiyo...haizz...den come out c them sad sad kinda feel sad for them yahzz..
den went eat...tok to onyi bout lots of things...i still tink "reddish boi" ishx beta..gee...=)
den onyi pangseh him...sorriex lahz..i jus dun feel like gg back in...veri de long nehx..the match...den we went take pics wif my digi cam..will upload it soon..
den todae nahz...went mac do hmwk wif jiayi..i need to finish everyth asap..rem..i dun hab so much tym tis wk..wif so mani tupid cdc stuff..nt dat i hate it..bt why mus it be from tue to sat...tupid nox...irritated..argh...
den sat i oso gg out..wif pw mummy..aft persuading her to go bishan finalli..haizz...i m sOOooO tired...argh...
~i choose to luv you..dun deny it...~
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finalli the detested ct ishx over..bt heres cum the depression..haizz..
anywae...finalli i dun need go ccl camp le..if i need i will be soOOoOo..haizz...i still gt cdc camp norx..i m fine wif it nahz...take it as bonding norx...anywae..haizz..todae neba go cdc n neva go out to buy the cloth..nt i dun wan...cos my granny passed awae 100th dae...gt some ritual gg on..seriousli..i was fine wif gg cdc todae..haizz...wad can i do...haizz...
having alot of probs lately..bt sumhw..when i cum blog..i can not tink of anyth...
thanks to pw mummy...for all ur advice during tis week..realli cheer mi alot..thanks yozz....anjoy ur company alwaes...
did i mention i gt a new digi cam...hahaz...duno why..when it was during exams..i soOoo tempted to play wif it..nw...i gt no mood to do anyth wif it..including taking pics...which ishx the main purpose i wan it nehxx...haizz...weird...d/l some pics into com..bt i still look forward to using it to take pics with my dear frenx...
anywae my cl managed to clinch an A1..which ishx gd..bt..my hcl..haiz...forget bout it...i still gota work hard fer my ambition...no matter wad...perhaps passion shld cum last bahz...bt i dun wana die n found out dat i hab not been dd things that i like...perhaps reality ishx just so cruel..u jus cant get the things u wan...
i do admit nw my passion to cchms cdc ishx thinning...so ming xian anywae...bt my passion for drama had not die...cchms cdc can sae i dun like it nw..onli dat i guess i will miss the memories i had wif it...n my cdc pals in dere...bt nt the com..nt the cdc in general..in fact..i hate it..cos sOOoo many things happen jus cos of them...wtf...the more i noe..the more i m sick of them..sick of cchms cdc...sick of all those practices in which i hav to see them...argh...
perhaps...my new life of passion starts when i go jc bahz...i wont let hist repeat...
todae his bdae..i din do anyth fer it...cos i oso cant pass it to him..haizz..so wd fer i do ritex...i m like finding excuses...haizzz...i jus wish him happiex bdae norx...veri gd le nehx..hahazz...=X the wae we r drifting apart...haizz..let's jus be use to it bahzz...i carn do anyth
ytd he sms mi n ask mi weird qn...i gota remain positive...at least i hab to..i dun wana break up dat relationship of his..i noe hw it hurts fer the gal..i gota remain as if i dun care..bt sumtyms i jus get so weak..haizz....how nehx...i carn tel him e truth...argh...so weak...
anywae...on fri...i felt so weird norx...i din noe zm was at the bus stop..dotz...anywae..wyntrice arhx...i m nt les..dun hug mi so tight okiex..esp in public..hur hur =X hahaz...anywae...so weird norx...why he dun wana take the 76 wif his frenx...i oso duno wad to tok..hahazz....luckili he gt alot to tok..or else it will be soOooo cold btw us..hahaz..u noe..i m someone hu onli hab alot to tok wif moi close frenx norx...hahazz...too bad nahz...perhaps i m nt dat sociable...=(
todae went pop...buy guidebk...plus sOooo nice de pens..so much colour..hahazz...so nice...jiayi thanks for acc me worx...den we were toking bout ms k..anywae i was shock at her remarks..hw cum she noe mi so well when theere ishx nt much interaction btw us...hmmmmm...
went swim wif onyi ytd...haahaz...i realli miss her alwaes...look forward alwaes to fri to go swim wif her...lub u lotx...=)
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