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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
if u were to choose...passion or ambition?
some of you may tink dat it ishx e same..bt it ishx not!
dat for mi...
dat why i m caught in such a situation...
haizz...
i duno to follow my passion or ambition
why mus i hab diff passion n ambition
argh...
mondae taking olevels le..
stressed!!!!
argh...i wan moi A1...bt i veri scared i cant manage to get it...
if i cant...
well...
my ambition will be destroyed...
i m jus like dat...
easily giving up no matter wad...
moi a1!~
come to mi
hahazz...
*stressed*
veri scared nehx...
actualli i din wana go tink de...
bt......
everyone ishx toking bout it...
at least...
wherever i go..i heard
mon taking olevels...haizzz....
next year...
will be taking alll papers...
kinda scared..how how...haizz...
todae took my verification slip...
as i see e dates..
i realli scared...
the battle starts on 31/10
n stretches to 18/11
which means bout 3 toturing weeks...
hw m i gg to survive...
moi literature...
i realli worries for moi tis wk common test...
duno why
my passion seemed to have died since mr dava take over
i wan ms chan back..
sobs...
wheneva i tot of tis...
i realli miss my sec 3 daes sumhw
esp the teachers...
ms chan...
i wan her
haizz...but she teaches half n hr 50 dollars..
which ishx like -_-
bt i need my lit for moi combined humanitites a1!~
neva mind...
i will work hard
hard hard hard!!!!
aft tis wk...ishx tests n tests n tests..
hope no bio...
i m realli dead le...
huimin
work hard!
work hard!
no slacking!
anywae
if denise eva see tis...
jus wana sae...
hope dat i can share ur burden wif ya worx...
jus tel me if anyth happens...
dun bottled up
it's neva gd...hurhur...=)
i m tired n slpy...
todae the stupid differentiation wksht took me so long
n the words are so tiny weeny
halo!
wana save paper oso mus let me see the words mahz...all those power so small...hw u expect mi to see
grr....
~i m realli missing him...where r u...~
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was dd my eng compo corrections.decided to cum update bahz...
anywae tis eng compo realli cheer mi up..hab some confidence in my eng nw..thanks mrs yee for everyth..she ishx a GREAT cher..luv her manz...she teach eng ishx so simply gd....
last sat went mrs tan hse...gosh..it was soOoo BIG! realli big.bt her hse abit inaccessible..hahaz...den she treat us to sOOoO mani goodies...and even KFC lohx...she sure spent a great amt on her students dat dae..cos wee went in the aftnoon...den morn gt prev 4TN and pRev 4jt clazzes cum. den she treat them to pizza hut....hahaz...realli ex norx..a lot of pple oso nehx..plus hongbao money...wahz...i guess her pocket gt a big big hole..kekex...anywae when i reached her hse dwnstairs..i waited sOOo hard for pw mummy dey all..in e end they pangseh me sae neba see me went up first..grr...so i went up on moi own..den ding dong..guess wad..i din noe dat there r other clazzes gg dat dae..so sumone opened a door..n a lame guy was dere..halo...xin nian kuai le..i was like huhx..did i enter the wrong hse.. help! so paiseh...in e end..mrs tan came to moi rescue..kekex..gee...i wanted to talk awae de norx..so paiseh..hahaz...den went her rm..eat goodies..see her rm...soOOo mani achievements..i wana be as great a cher as her...i will be! gee...luv mrs tan lotx too...practicalli i luv all the chers of my clazz...dey r sOoo gd...teaching gd..everyth gd norx...lub them lotx...bt stilll kinda guilty..cos mrs tan treat us to kfc..and we ate all the goodies..if i m nt wrong..she eat the coleslaw onli..and half of it..guilty norx...so bad of us..arghh...i still feel bad nw..haizz...nvm..i guess cher dae i will get her a gd present..gee...
hmmm...den went swim swim..surprisingly i gt the mental ability to keep moiself gg..cos i m totalli drain out le..kekex...
den mon...happiez v dae..hahaz...too belated le bahz...anywae..thanks joanne for gibing me such a wonderful present..receive things frm joanne, yonghui ah ma, xin yan, denise, pris, xuan...did i miss out ani?? anywae thanks worx..kinda sad i din prepare anyth..sorriex..i din expect to receive v dae pressize nahz...cos the claz din wana gib mahz..i tot..dat tym ben ask mahz..bt luckily i gt buy sweets..gib whole claz...nice...kekex...hmm...regarding denise letter...well if u ever cum my blog..which u seldom do..hahaz...well..i m dishearten by those words nahz..i mean hu wont..bt well i wont gib up..yahz...i wanna let tis frenship go a long wae..let's work hard together kaex..i will try my best to change..bt well..sumtyms..i m jus..ehx..i duno hw to sae nehx...like wad ya sae..perhaps i m putting on a mask..i did mention b4 i wanted to do so...bt i guessed i did fulfill it bahz..since u sense it..bt i guess i wont do it towards u pw mummy n those i realli wana treasure bahz...cant help bt to put on a mask nwadaes...cos i m jus hurt too deeply by my prev frenship which i trusted so much...sorriex if i hurt ur feelings worx...n pw mummy too..hmmm..i will try moi best to change bahz.. =) hope dat tis year will be a gd year ahead...i realli cant do w/o denise n pw mummy bside me i realise...bt well..life goes on...
tue cdc...ehx..wad can i sae..okiex bt sianz..cos u noe chor ming din realli pai moi xi much..i jus go dere to get moi attendance marked n make moi presence noe...dat hw i feell...bt i guess since i rejected the role in carol's ju dat tym..i gota face tis bahz...since i din wanna hab such a big role huhz...
notice i spell her name out..i duno..perhaps jus san fen zhong re du bahz...i dun wana call her bitch anymore..kinda tired huhx..duno wad i m feeling nw..bt well..i guessed tis for the tym bein onli...in e future..perhaps if i gt ani anger towards her..it starts again..i guessed sumth ishx gg on bahz...in deir relationship..well..i duno why..bt i guess it's....nvm..anywae..if carol eva get to see tis..well..hope ya ishx getting on fine wif ur relationship..i guess sumth big happened which hurts u alot..bt hope u can cope well bahz...do rem ur studies too worx...sec 4 le...mus concentrate...all e best bahz...
(i duno wad happened to mi dat make mi write tis words nehx... *shrugs*)
anywae todae cdc i oso nth to do..practicalli go dere slp..lame ritex..duhz...anywae..i saw tis sentence sumwhere accidentalli...
"catherine and huimin not happy about comm results...yy to tok to catherine n mj to tok to mi..."
i was kinda...haiz..nvm..anywae..i m nt nt happiez lahz...wana clarify...it's not not happiez..it's other things..since everyth ishx over..no use explaining..nvm..let things be bahz...
saw cca pts..it totalli sucks..wth...argh..i m getting so frustrated..one more..argh..n pw mummy syf can earn her 3 marks..cdc wan syf oso dun hab nahz..stupid lohx..argh..shldnt join soo mani things if i noe the system ishx like dat..nvm den..wad can i sae..i gota concentrate n mugged hard in moi studies to compensate for the lost of a grade...yahz i will...
anywae...pw mummy n sh daughter..realli dun wan see both of ya nt wif us for lit..i realli dun wan *cries* i duno why i feel soo.....bt realli i will miss ur company soOoo much u noe..haiz..i m nt bein superficial...cos sh has been saeing me concerning bout..nvm...anywae i realli will miss ur company..argh..we started wif 5 pple taking literature... hl denise mi pw mummy n sh daughter..nw onli left wif pathetic me n denise..hw m i gg to survive..argh..
sumtyms i regret taking elit..i shld take clit instead...haizz...i found my interest in it nwadaes..bt everyth too late..unless i wana retain..which ishx not poossible..haizz...wad can i sae..i feel soOOo weak in lit nw...can we dun alwayz take last yr result n tink dat i did well..no norx..considering the fact dat nw ishx mr dava n nt ms chan..i sure will be criticise till siaoz..cos...of moi poor eng...haizz....i gg to die..21st jan..sign up for olevels..wad m i gg to do den...i feel like dropping lit..bt i cant nehx...haizz....cos of combined humanz...which ishx veri shaky...
argh...chem n phy ishx driving me crazy...esp organic chem..i mus convince moiself nt to hate it..or else i will die..*nods head* pent-1-ene.but-2-ene....but-1-ene...why mus it be so complicated..stupid compounds..argh...luckili i gt mrs tan..gee... *cheers up* lalaz...
oh yahz..locus n loci too..i m getting so luan4 aiyo...haizz...bt thanks to denise for ur patience..gee... =)
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haiz...it's cny...cu er ishx a happiez one..bt nt cu yi...guess i will be "suay" for the rest of the year...why...blame it on moi bro..or rather dat fcuking galfren dat he has...*dun mind moi vulgarities*
fcuking gal...hu doesnt noe wad ishx cny shld be spent wif family de..i dun care wad fcukin reasons u hab...u r still e cause to everyth dat happen on cu yi...if u eva c moi blog..let me tel u alritex...towards moi bro..i duno wad feelings i hab nw...bt i noe..i hab a grudge towards him..wad he did to mi for the past years...i dun get it why he ishx my bro...he doesnt care bout mi..doesnt tok to me...doest fulfill her responsibilities as a bro...i neva feel ani love frm him..sumtyms i realli envy pw mummy...haizz...anywae...aft u tis fcuking gal came into the pic...things get worse..u make worse the relationship btw my bro n father too..no manners gal...u dun hab pple to teach u izzit...dun u get it dat cny ishx supposed to be spent wif family n nt u onli..we jus wan dat one dae wif my bro..izzit being guo fen?nopex...hw much tym u spend wif him le?cant gib us a dae...n get it tru dat thick head of urs..ishx a whole dae...u noe hw mani hrs ishx a dae? 24hrs in case sumone like u may nt noe...24 hrs! not aft a while..in the nitex..my bro go out wif ya...get it? still dun...den fcuk off...u noe wad u did to my family on cu yi...my father my mum me n my cousin..things u can neva imagaine...jus cos of ur stupid fcuking msg asking moi bro to go out...yahz...it's a msg ASKING onli u might sae...bt u noe my bro will do wad one wad...jus to go out wif u fcuking gal..n if my bro reject u..i wonder u will get stubborn n angry wif my bro anot...given the fact dat dat tym my granny passed awae..we haven even put the gu3 hui1 in the temple preperly yet..things haven been settled..u came calling my bro to pei you..n u get sOoOO angry n throw ur temper in front of my bro..wad the...u tink u veri impt arhx..fcuk off lahz..be more sensible will you..fancy turning 21 yr old tis yr still duno wad ishx ritex n wrong..keep dat temper of urs lahz...i tell you..if u make mi more irritated...nxt tym...i promise you...i curse ur children's partner to be as stupid stubborn as ya...see hw wld u feel..fcuking gal...no brain de...i wld neva acknowledge u as moi relative if u married moi bro...stupid! fcuk off...jus cos of ya...u make moi family "suay* for whole year..happiex?n u make moi cu yi sarks to the core...jus cos of ya fcuking gal...i will foreva remember tis...moi precious hols all ruin by you!
okiex...finish moi frustration..argh...moi cu yi sarks...so i not gota write bout it..cu er ishx okiex..went to daddy dere de auntie hse...quite boring...cos no one tok to...n those kids r veri immature...n as wad i said in my prev entries...dey r money-minded pple...
den go my ah gu jia eat eat...quite nice...n i plae cards for the first tym nehx! gee...chuckles..nice lohz...bt..haiz...i lost like 2 dollars..hahaz...bt when i plae wif moi money i ose...papa money i win...argh...so papa gave me two dollars lehx...hahaz...hmmm...den i decided to go out wif moi cousins on fri which ishx todae...
so todae i was sOOo excited waiting for sch to end...den pw mummy told me other independent schools din hab sch..sOooO angry...argh...why we mus hab schools...haizz....luckily nt much hmwk lahz...bt i dun like to dOo compre early in the morn..haizz...sad...den i gt so fed up dat i cancel till the paper wana tear le..heck..i pek cek mahz...
pe ran..hahaz...faster...own it to moi sport shoes..bt still slow..sad...hmmm...den went gym gym...nice lahz..the equipments...den i keep observing her..hurhur...hahaz...duno wad to sae nahz...
den recess went canteen..tis the first tym sch reopen i go canteen during recess...pei denise...i sOOo gd ritex...gee...den we were discussing dat moi section need to bk 3 pple in 2 wks...sarks..n i hate booking...den huiling was like acting like a ccl..telling me ah...tis one warn..ah warn le neva tuck in...bk! it's easier said den done lohzz.....need to eyeball dat person *quoted frm mr soon* n bk..hw can i eva do dat ritex..duhz...den huiling..aiyo she horz...veri funni...keep instructing mi wad to do..bt i still din bk..except gib warning...
den 3 periods...ms lam bio was ehx..likea battle for mi every lesson..cos she speak soOo fast..haven even tak dwn notes...kekex...
den aft lit...papa fetch mi hm..so happiez norx...hahaz...no mood to wok out mahz...n papa sae he cum fetch..sOoo haapppiez...den bring si xuan n sh daughter out too...hahaz..i sOOo gd ritex...den went out wif michelle n jie qi..bishan..papa fetch too..gee..enjoyed ourself man..took 3 machines of neoprints..hahaz..nicenice...den michelle pierce her third ear hole..i wanted to pierce lohx...bt when i see hw michelle ear turn red immediately aft the ear was pierced..i so damn scared dat i dun wan le...*tortoise* gee..too bad...lalaz...we ate...haha..din noe michelle so 3-8 de...she ask us sOOo mani....qn...relationships lahz...n sooOo on..aiyo..cant see dat at all..hahaz...den she oso lame arnd..veri de lame...hahaz...den when we go hm..we took pics on the wae..wif her digi cam..so shiok man...took at mrt...den everyone lookin..so paiseh..bt dun care lahz...n i realise i getting more like a photographer..kekex...i manage to capture all of us w/o noeing looking at a hole to make sure..duno hw to sae...hahaz..den oso can make misty effect..hahaz...
kinda miss michelle n jie qi..i realli miss lahz...i mean michelle ishx gg back shanghai in 10 daes n duno when will she be back again..haizz.z...
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argh...i m bored nw..hahaz...yahx..it's a relaxing wk ahead..n i dun wan it to end..haizz...tests r getting me a phobia le..hahaz..i hab a phobia of test..gee...cos too mani tests le mahz...bt i totalli slack tis week..hahaz..dun care..wana enjoy nehx..gee...
hmmm..let's see...denise bdae...gave her the anime stuff..glad to see dat she was sOOoOo happiex nohx...n surprised too..so proud...gee...hahaz...n i gave her moi letter...veri special bt think..cos i put it into a mango husk..cos dat tym ms lam sae bout mango thingy..i dun understand..cos i neva eat mango b4 mahz...so i bought mango eat see the husk n seed..n found it cute...denise too..so i gave her norx..hahaz...
den fri go parkwae to search for mel pressiez...gee...me n denise bought a cute cute de calendar...veri de cute..hahaz...n i wan dat green green toy...it's sOOoOoo cute..it's veri veri de cute..i luv it manz...argh..i wan it..hahaz...n dat plant dat can grow..wanted to buy for mel de..bt guess she ishx too busy wif her lessiez le..hahaz...
den fri oso...i went out wif my parents..luv spending tym wif them...gee..n oh..i bought my new year clothes le..so nice...a collar top..another usual one n a skirt plus a jeans...cost bout 100 plus i guess..thanks mummy worx...haiz...i oso duno when i can grow up..i wana provide for them..haiz..noe dey r working veri hard to make ends meet..hurhur...n well..pw mummy influence me alot alot..hurhur..pw mummy..u noe wad i meant ritex..gee...hahaz...i guess denise will be freaked out by it..gee...
hurhur...den went swim swim wif onyi...hahaz...it's a guai4 swim swim exp...well..as we approached e swim pool...the entrance ishx full of guys..den onyi kept asking me whu r dey..i was like..ehx..i duno nehx...bt i guess ishx basketball centre cum out de..as we walked tru them..i gt an instinct dat one of them will ask for onyi no..cos she said in her blog b4 mahz...true enuff..a gal went to us n ask for onyi no wehn we were paying entrance fee...a guy wanted it..duhz...den onyi kept saying no no no..bt both onyi n me agreed dat dat gal ishx a chio bu..real chio lohx...
den went swim...hahaz...veri funny..i wanted to compete wif a guy..he swim superb fast..which make me soOOo jealous..worse ishx...hw cum he swim fast..bt look so relax norx...haiz..i was soo jealous..n of course i lost to him..humph..hahaz...bt he has a superb long bodi though...den aft dat...onyi told me in e meantym gt 3 guys competed wif me..bt lost..i was like duhz...dotx...hahaz..the conversation was funny among those guys..onyi told me mahz..n i was like -__-...so happiex i won them though...bt wad puzzled me ishx..hw cum dey cant win me when dey gt such muscular bodies..realli muscular lohx...so puzzled..den aft dat...gt a gal compete wif me too..bt i won..hahaz..=P
den ate wif onyi n her nu er...ehx..her nuer..ehx...beta dun sae..scared she see it nahz...
den i went to cut moi hair wif onyi..i luv onyi rebonded hair..n my parents agreed to let me rebond..long awaited man..bt haiz..i dun like my hair nw..i tie the tail so short..tie half scared pple sae ccls tie half..bt i hated my tail to be short...haiz..i tink i wont cut short again le..wait long hair den go rebond bahz...
hmmm...let's see...hope i can go out wif jy aft sch bahz..wana go out for awhile..gota stock up my jewellery box n make up sets for cny..haha...
u promised me
yet u broke it
perhaps i trust ya too much le..
i duno..haiz..
why u wana lie to me..
i see ur pics le..
dun deny it..
i dont love u..
anywae i wont be afraid to criticise my section leader cum dat bitch here...wad has she done for section 2...i hab been keeping tis inside mi for long..all i can see ishx melissa doin everyth...wtf...she dun deserve a section leader post..nt cos of my own grudges towards her to make me sae tis..bt cos realli..i cant stand wad she did...she ishx jus wearing a mask..in true fact..i dun see wad she did for section 2...all i can see ishx mel slogging like hell...i hate her..she dun deserve to be called a leader..to be in ccl com..stupid..freak...
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