Navigation:
What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
LOVES <3
Family
Friends
Tjc Swim Team
The special ONE
i cried alot
alot alot
i duno why
i feel like giving up
results does nt seem to show..
i wana gib up
everyth...arghh...
well..tmr denise bdae...i guess she wont be excited..bt i were her..i will be excited..cos it's like sweet 16....i wana be 16...hahaz...duno wad i m toking too..anywae i haven wrote denise letter..bt i will...cos dat tym she wrote to moi on my bdae..so touching all her words...so i oso make her touched..hahaz...
i duno wad to sae..i felt empty inside out..duno nahz...i cant ctrl moi feelings...tis entry..i oso duno wad i m writing..do u noe wad u re reading?hahaz..jus bein lame..wellwell...the 3 tests tis week ishx killing moi slowly..haiz...
_______________
tis wk ishx quite a depressed one..haiz...
denise sick sick de...tue neva cum sch..so lonely..kekex..luckily..she came back le...haiz...well..i duno..or rather i duno wad to sae in tis blog nw..i gota be emotional again...
i wan moi life..moi own life...bt why i seems to tink so much..bout other pple's feelings..can i dun care...can i try to dun care..nt at all..i read kelly's blog..she wana be a baitch...i dun wana spell it out loud..cos i still feel dat dat particular word ishx onli suit for sumone like her..pui...well back to kelly..she saes yahx..tis thing has been in moi mind..i see a shadow in her..she wana be a person hu heck care bout other pple feelings n wana turn into sumone hu will hurt anione anihw...cos she has been hurt b4..she dun wana be sumone hu care bout other pple feelings animore...well..i wana be such a person too...bt too bad..i cant do it..i tried alot of tyms..i still cant...
dat tym..zay xy n mani others told me one th dat i guessed i will foreva rem... a bitch like her will survive in the society nxt tym..cos the society ishx jus full of so mani tis kind of pple..tis kind of backstabbers...bt sumone like me..will jus be the victim aftall..i will cum out dead...wad can i do..haizz...i hab been a victim under her..wth...
i found dat dey take things too seriously le..haiz..i nt gota sae hu bahx...perhaps i m jus too sensitive..haizz...n tension ishx building up btw me n her..haiz..i kinda feel like i m compromising her jus cos of her..complicated? nt at all if i sae the names out...bt dun wan bahx...if u all wana noe..ask me bahz...i dun like to spell everyth..hahaz...i dun wana continue compromising..i m getting real frustrated...cos it's like...i m bein accused for things dat i neva do..wat the...jus cos of her i need to compromise..i dun wan her to feel diffcult btw us..or ishx she..i duno..i guess she will neva noe dat i m toking bout her in here...wadeva...i will jus blow my top one dae...argh...i mean...i get real frustrated when i tok to her..she dun seems to tink b4 she sae anyth...grr...
hmmm..n i cant seem to communicate wif her too..well i referring to another person..haizz..i duno nahz...i seems dat..argh..i feel so damn stuck...so damn freak up...i mean..well..when she told us hw she motivate herself..i was realli apppalled...does the world revolves arnd jus cos u r a genius..nt at all..i dun like to be surrounded like dat..it seems dat everyth ishx nt impt except......wadeva..wad can i sae...dey r the same species..i can onli adapt..argh...
i felt dat i m accomodating..i m jus putting on a mask to whueva i m seeing nw..cos i dun feel the need to show my trueself animore...e promise dat was broken left a deep scar in my heart...i find dat..perhaps in life..frenz maybe everyth sumtyms..bt cum to tink of it...hu r the pple hu will hurt u most? frenz n ur bf if one hab...nt ur family who we often take it for granted..i dun deny the fact dat..some frenz are realli worth ur efforts...bt i said SOME...nt all..unfortunately...i fall under the category of the all-some=betrayal...hahaz...dd some mathematics?? duno...i used to let myself be invisible among my frenz...bt jus cos of tis...dey used tis "device" to torture me..to backstab me...wad's e meaning of tis man...well...since i m in cdc...acting has been everyth for fer yrs..putting on a mask ishx n easy task aftall...
well pw mummy n denise ishx coughing so hard..pity them..hahaz...though i veri scared in fact..i dun wana fall sick again..my immune system ishx getting so low nwadaes..bt well..i do hope dey can recover soon..mus get well soon worx...gee..*all e best worz* =)
sumtyms i wonder..why the frenship btw 3 of us ishx so hard to sustain...so hard to prove..bt the frenship btw my other frenz ishx so easy to maintain..mayb nt easy..bt still much much beta...perhaps...dere ishx sumth called maturity n accomodation..i duno hw to explain..bt maturity ishx nt the literal meaning aftall...we cant accomodate each other at all..nt at all...
well..why shld i tok bout them..since i hab no feelings le..i guessed so..nwadaes..i see them together..toking...i oso heck...in the past..i used to look okiex...bt jealousy surges up sumhw...bt nw..i guessed nt..when i saw them..i was like..jus a bunch of pple toking..duhx...no jealousy at all..haiz...ishx tis gd or bad...
lit lit lit..i m getting crazy wif literature...i miss ms chan..i realli miss her..haiz...bt wad can i sae..i m stuck wif argh...haiz...drop?or nt? bt ss n e geo ishx nt a sure stuff...i cant rely on one humanities..onli..i gota buck up my lit..i still cant find the diff btw pw mummy essay n mine..why everyth i wrote like kanna rejected one..argh..i gota find out e reason tmr..i dun wana do prose tmr...prays..i hate dat..argh...
bionomial therom ishx driving me real crazy..i get so confused with all the powers n indices..i guessed i will get crossed eyed soon..hahaz...
tmr gg swim swim if she can make it..n go chinatown wif papa n mama..so happiexx....i feel so guilty..last wk cos of that stupid e geo test..i rejected them...argh...n dat e geo test sarks to the core...wonder why..cos our paper ishx so damn hard...firstly..growing concerns..argh..i duno wad i m writing..secondly...the measures thingy when ms soh din call us to learn solutions..dotz..argh..my egeo ishx plunging again..haizz...
okiex...finalli i feel beta nw...aft venting my frustrations..i gota look on to the brighter side of life bahz...bt i gota sae..i nt gota be the person whom u all knew once b4..dat's history..n foreva will be.....
_______________
arghh....quite tired tis wk..i felt as if my energy was drained out...bt dun wan..i wana expend my energy....the battle has started...haiz...
duno why...i was so tired tis wk..esp todae...haiz...hmm..let me tink...tis early wk was a turbulent one...family stuff...haiz...i din realli show anyth in sch...bt when i going back hm..i realli dun feel like gg back hm sumhw....i duno wana face dat tense atm...dat kinda stupid looks...haiz...as i said...i can neva control myself...nor can u take awae the bad habit of mine...well...din sae anyth in claz...haiz..i guess pw mummy n denise hab their own family probs too...so i dun feel like troubling anyone..haiz...
when facing denise...i duno why..i hab a recollection of my past...haiz...duno...i see a shadow of one of them in her...the qualities n character n hw denise treat me...haiz...sumhw i feel as if i saw a copy of her...hahaz...bt well i guess it okiex...at least it's her..gee...nana...anywae...i sort of lose my temper in front of denise..haiz...i guess she ishx dat kinda dun wan quarrel type..so she neva sae anyth n i can feel dat she trying to pu3 chang2..bt dat make me feel more guilty..haiz...
hmmm...todae ms khair...return us a letter we wrote to ourselves last yr...those things inside r realli my past...*him* *him* *him* n *him* i found dat i wrote alot bout...haiz..i find dat those things i wrote inside ishx nth to me nw..i m numb..esp towards my frenz of my past...i used to care bout their feelings n hope to change myself for them...bt as i look at the letter....i told myself...DUMB...hahaz...i duno why i hab dat kinda thinking..jus find dat i m dumb enuff to tink dat e frenship wld last n wanted to change myself for them...hahaz...haiz...dumb mi sia..kekex...well..i guessed nw i m dependent on moiself...to me..i m moiself...i wont change moiself cos of anione animore..unlesss i lub dat person...e letter make me feel dat the frenship shld end earlier..duno why...haiz...i shldnt hab gave a damn all along...
the last part of the letter ishx still in my mind..my goals..yahx...i will work towards it de.. =) jus wonder why i din write the letter to be confidential...cos alot of things i wrote inside realli confidential...kekex...
hmmm...lessons were okiex to me...ehx...oh yahx..i was browsing tru a mag which ms khair was angry dat it was at the table...duno why..jus feel dat i shld look at it when i dun look at it at all one...n guess wad i saw him featured inside..diaoz diaoz diaoz...actualli i din wana look at the pic de...bt sumhw...instinct told me sumth inside will interest mi..n i looked...yahz realli interest mi sia...hahaz..diaoz lohx...like dat oso can see him..hahaz...dotx...why e mag wld nt land in other sch bt us...wld nt land in other claz bt mine..wld nt land in other pple hand bt mine...hahaz...
hmmm..sat need go for deco...bt i guessed i wont be dere for long...got sum stuff to attend.. =P
n yahz...gota rush hmwk...hahaz...
_______________
was just bored n went to try sum quizzes...
anywae i lluv the anime pics..haha...denise wld be so surprised!
i tink the quizzes r quite true..
Your'>http://www.magical-school.de/Angel/Angel95.jpg">
Your inner soul is content with the way it is. In
general you are a very sweet, caring person!
You love to kick back and hang out with your
friends, but you also enjoy time by yourself to
read a book and catch up on your studies. You
love the wildlife and you can always seem to
make the day better. Your lover is the luckiest
man in the world because people like you are
rare to come across. You love life but always
still have your head in reality.
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say? (With Pics)
brought to you by You%20are%20Innocentsrc=" '>Youare'>http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/mangoguess89/innocence.jpg">
_______________
thanks for those hu tagged...gee...
hmmm..tis whole wk ishx a sick sick wk...mon neva go sch...tue neva go cdc...i din pon kaex..*guai kia* no nahx...cos the medicine which i take frm the 24th hr clinic one din hab ani effect on me at all...n my condition gt frm bad to worse...sore throat came n swallowing things r so hard n pain...n i dun hab voice....mummmy din wan me go sch...bt i protested...or else my studies will get worse..bt she sae dun go cdc...wan me go c doc ...so i sae see hw n went to sch...in e end...my voice was so hoarse...n when i wana speak...i cant..hahax..so recess pw mummy went wif me to find wu lao shi to tel her i cant go cdc...den veri funny...cos my voice hoarse..if i speak into the fone to call the chers out...certainli veri nan ting one...so pw mummy veri gd...help me call..ironically...the wu lao shi was sitting at her desk n she neva hear pw mummy voice...so pw mummy called for three tyms n FINALLI she heard n came out...den i told her i need go c doc...n i tried to sae wif energy...cos me no voice le...den she was like omg...why ur voice like dat n she sae i stand bside her will emit heat n she feels it.. -_- so lame...haha...so i din go cdc...bt i wana go norx...the sec ones were fun pple..haha...bt well...my body does nt allow me go...
den walked hm...was wif no energy saw zhan lao shi..hab to tel him i wont go cdc too..den go c doc...so mani medicine...n so mani tablets...haix...n the cough syrup..so drowsy...n u noe wad...i slept for 14 hrs on tue...frm four in the noon to the nxt morn 5am...of course wake up for dinner...was so sick dat i cried...so silly me...me mum n bro was dere..i looked so silly...
den when i woke up..i felt so jing shen...hahax...the medicine finalli gt effect le..i felt so much beta..den go sch norx...though papa mama dun allow..in the end...found out dat biology was the onli lesson worth me gg...haix...den learn tests...n i slept for three hrs nia...hope my body can hold out...haix...the tests are easy one norx...bt physics i dun hab enuff tym..dun tok bout it..i cried over it...haix...
den hmmm...todae pe play soccer...n i wore the new track shoes...kekex...so nice nice...bt the gals were so unwilling to play...bt me nehx...though dun like soccer...wanting to ex...so i played...bt wad pw mummy sae ishx ritex...if i run too much..i kept coughing n coughing cos our cough haven recover n my throat hurts...so i cant run liaox...den ended pe...den i go measure my wt...gee...tempted to noe...n u noe wad...i lose 1kg in 5 daes...hahax...was so soOOoooOOoo happiex...n the pe teacher saw my wt n see last wk ht n wt record was like...wow...lose 1 kg...haha..i din noe i can lose one kg so fast...i onli manage to lose 2 kg in 20 daes in the hols...gee...so it was a big acheivement...a blessing in disguise...referring to my sickness nahx..i guess ishx oso cos of it i manage to lose wt ...cos dat few daes when i m sick i frm morn 5am to nitex 7 pm eat bread n bread n bread onli nia...no appetite mahx...den dinner papa onli gib me those simple dishes to eat...so happiex i lose wt...yeah!
_______________
weird.updating at tis tym when others r at sch eating their lunch...haix...i fell sick again..was so angry wif myself..fell sick on sat le.aft cca recruitment drive..arghh...den i ate e medicine dat i hab leftover frm last tym.den felt beta..bt i slept alot norx...so angry...i wana study for my tests..sobs...
den sundae aftnoon e fever cum again...argh...hw suay can i be..haix..den was like popped another tablet in...i tot things wld turn for e beta..bt it din..instead at nitex...my fever cum again..haix..i tot everyth wld be okiex...so i went bathe..n when i came out..i was trembling...tis the first tym i so sick nor...normalli ishx flu plus fever...nw wad...flu fever cough headache muscle pain...was so angry...i dun wan to go see doc..those 24hr clinic veri ex..so i was still trying hard to concentrate on my tests...i felt so weak...my whole body ishx cold cold one..bt my forehead n neck was so hot...so i was like i dun wan go c doc...see tmr hw..n i wana go school tmr...argh...bt well...in e end i cant hold on le..my face was so red..due to the heat inside me too..i felt as if i went suntaning..so hot...so hab to go see doc..papa n mama was so worried...haix..den call bro to cum back fetch us..he had his own car le..so he rushed back n brought me papa n mama to hougang 24th clinic..n i relised dat place was where i been b4..it was near his hse..veri veri near...i been dere b4 mahx..was like so near! haix...den went in n see doc...hmm...i was feeling so cold cold cold..haix..aft dat..went hm..12 plus le...i realli cant make it to school...so called pw mummy n denise to help me take notes..
haix...i hate myself..in the past..my resistance was nt so low low one norx...instead i veri strong one..dun fall sick so often..until sec 3 i fell sick almost every month...den nw...onli second wk of sch..i fell sick when i din stae up late or wad so eva...i hate myself arhx! argh...stupid me...
den crys told me mr gan started on static electricity a bit le..i tot todae ishx prac norx..so still okiex...hwhw...i scared i cant catch up..wah!...
_______________
hmmm...haven been updating...well sch ishx --->gOOOoooOOoooOOooOOoOoOoD...haha...well...i sat wif denise..kekex...hmm...ms khairani haven cum back yet...hope to see her soon..n she object the idea of "graveyard" haha...i actualli fine wif it one..bt cum to tink of it...it will onli make the claz more dull....geee
hmm...well the claz since cum back start to get more n more noisy le..duno why...the teachers sort of failed to ctrl...well it's good in a wae...haha...sh...u lahx...sae the claz mus relax more..kekex..den still complain it's noisy...kekex..
permutations n combinations ishx driving me real crazy anywae...u noe..sumtyms...b4 i tink horx...i din tink...n i jus do by my instinct or wad my mind tel me..aft i do le..i dun understand wad i m dd...though it's correct ans...weird me nehx..
n ytd pccg...gt tis teacher...hu relieve ms khair...den dat james was realli lame..yahx..she ishx veri veri beautiful...n makes james drool..den james was asking those sit in front can change seats wif him for him to get close to ms lee...den i was like... -_- duhx lohx..haha...den when the teacher was teaching us..we tried to make james n the teacher together..dere was a part of acting out the script of tis two gals..fen n june...den in the end..the teacher acted wif james...haha...dey even take fotos dwn...james was so happiex...-_-
hmm...den lit was mr davamoni..his words make me wana drop lit..realli..nt kidding nw..well..his words was so...haix...hui ling had decided to drop lit..n handed up the letter...i duno..her eng so gd yet she dropped lit..den me nehx...haix...bt i did lit cos of passion...nt cos of marks...shld i continue...
hmm..the eng teacher...was so -__- she get so excited over gals..cos she onli has sons...n u can feel dat she ishx bias towards gals one..she alwaes sae if u were a boi..i wld...hab....haha...bt me writing grp was tot by her...hmm...i guessed it will be good...gee...wonder why mrs lim neva cum back nehx..bt i like mrs yee though..she looks like...guai guai one..bt i still like the wae she teached..todae she was teaching us the diff btw psycologist n psychiatrist...den she was acting as if sumone hu has mental illness...it's so damn funny..haha..cant stand her...she act like a kid to me..
hmmm...den todae i saw her...i realli no feelings towards her le..din wana avoid at all...was like wanted to walk past..tk it as we neva know each other..i dun feel any pain le bahx...den she jus walked awae wif jasmine..was so clear dat she ishx avoiding..nth to sae...heck care lahx..she wan do wad do wad norx...nt my prob le..
hmm...alot of things to do...haix...tmr dd ccl duty...hmm..i wld rather do councillor duty den cdc nahx...dun wana seee dat bitch...bro's dream car gota arrive todae..so well..i hope tmr papa can bring me to sch..n gib all her bks to the bitch...get her dirty bks off my hm..*pui* mus clean my rm liaox...esp the place where the bks were put.. =P
~i lub u i lub u i lub u i lub u...crazy over u...~
_______________
hmm..glad to be able to put a post p before 2005 the first dae ends...todae was nice...was so nt in mood to study..n yahx...jus realised my counter reached 700 on the first dae of 2005...haha..yahx..as wad i said..no mood to study..so well..i jus try try hard to study..haha...in e end..i cant resist the temptation to go out..so went out wif papa n mama...haha..dey promised to take neoprints wif moi!..
so went bugis..go into addidas shop first..n guessed wad...i bought a new sport shoe...alwaes gt unexpected things..haha...the sport shoes were nice...kekex...i like the blue one actualli...bt horx..workmanship nt gd..so i took e grey one..kekex...den go take neoprints..so funny..muahahha..i saw the other side of papa n mama..haha...dey so cute! tried to pose...kekex...den design horx..dey so blur...hahaha...bt everyth still turn out fine..n the neoprints were superb...i gota paste one on moi hp or purse..yeah!...realli luv papa n mama lots..
hmm..den go chinatown..i bough two cds...kekex..bt haven listen...later go listen..gee...den went og...saw a jeans..veri nice norx...nan de gt...so bought it too..at least i wont hab onli one pathetic jeans onli..kekex..
n the photos were developed...---bn bbq cum bishan junction 8 cum sec 1 orientation pic..haha..nice nice...pw mummy arhx..i tink i bring to sch nahx..dun call me scan..i will die..i hate scanning..gee...
hmmm..if u asked me new year resolution..which i c in alot of blog..i wld sae...be happiex n dat's it...i mean..hmm..my wishes r in the wish list..n as long as u get wad u wan..u wld be happiex ritex...so well..my resolution ishx jus to be happiex bahx...
went to see moi private blog jus nw...realised dat i hab changed a lot..haix...
!~ a reflection of year 2004~!
a frenship
was put to a test
n true enuff
no one cld hold on to it
n it ended sumhw
i noe the reason nw
noe it clearly
bt i can onli sae
i m disappointed
n if u asked me to patch
or hold on
forget it
it's nt worth it
i mean
in ur eyes
u prefer to put me aside
n dun tok to me
dun li3 wo
ishx this fair
search ur conscience
we lose the ability to communicate
u cant face me
prefer to avoid me
forget it
i saw tru sumone
who i deemed as a bitch
well
she still ishx
n will alwaes be
cos patching up wif her ishx totalli impossible
she sux to the core
hyprocrite
backstabber
hmmm...
jus hope things wld be alright
i hope u keep the promise
to keep it as a secret
i trust in u
help me regain the trust we had lost
pls
keep it a secret
u noe hu m i referring to...
ishx also a yr of the start of a frenship
a family
3bN
i hab most of happiex memories in dere
at least
dey r nt like them
noe hw to be crafty n stuff
at least
bein wif them
i dun feel stress at all
pw mummy
2004 ishx the start of our frenship
bt as wad u said
we seemed to hab known each other for decades
let's continue our story...
wif no quarrels in btw
let tis yr be a yr whereby we get closer n closer.. =)
hmmm..denise worx..
as wad ur christmas card saes
i will remember it
dun worry
we will alwaes be tis wae
n keep in contact
=)
n mani of the frenx out dere
thanks for bein wif me
thanks a lot
a yr
whereby i dun need luv animore
i wan a quiet life
a yr
where i learnt independence
n wanted to a loner
a yr
whereby
i m no longer the victim of luv
a yr
which
i fall in luv wif u too
irony sumhw
it's a yr of ups n downs
bt at least
i learnt n had contnued my path of life
lots of love to those hu had played a big part in my life
n foreva in my heart....
~let's move on~
_______________
