All That I've Got

Monday, December 06, 2004
-3:31:00 PM-

haix jus nw had written my entry bt it was deleted..grrr..

i felt so confused nw..so upset...haix..within these few daes..i realised wad truly ishx life..

i neva tot dat i wld attend two funerals in a yr
lost two loved ones in jus a year
i m numb to dying
which i cant controlled it in anywae..

i had not seen granny for two years
nt dat i dun wan to visit her
ishx my family hated them
the aunties n uncles
whom they r nt on gd terms with

i noe hw they feel
imagine u r living wif aunties dat are so self centred n selfish
caring for themselves n money ishx all they cld care bout
heard frm my mum dat even toilet paper
they did nt shared at all
each one will buy their own to use
to them a single cent ishx a hundred
which i realli dread tis kinda pple
moreover
they are veri quarrelsome
during tis funeral
they had quarreled for numerous times

i realli pitied my granny
her funeral was realli a simple one
as the siblings were all not willing to fork out any huge sum of money to give her a "grand" funeral.
everyone went for the sake of goin
for the sake of paying last respects.
for the sake of nt being called bu4 xiao4 zi3
bt nt cos they loved her
they missed her
they cant do w/o her
they wanted her to be happiex in the other world

the rituals were so diff frm my grandma.
the funeral was sooo diff too..
i know
it does nt take a "grand" funeral to show that u are fillial
bt i felt dat that was the last h dey could at least do for their mother
give her the last comfort dat she cld hav
bt this was nt wad i felt

i cld nt understnad why mus they be so quarrelsome
during these few daes..
they had been quarrelling for numerous tyms..
which i realli felt so angry
none of them think dat they r in e wrong
to them
they r alwaes in e ritex
nt even giving in during their mum's funeral
nt giving her the chance to rest in peace..

i hated them
nw i knew
why moi mum hated them too
they r jus cold blooded pple

during the cremation
mani cried
some cried so loud
i felt the pain
nt cos my granny was cremated
cos i duno if they were shedding crocodile tears or nt
i do felt the pain of losing her
bt nt dat intense as i lost my grandma
cos i was nt closed to her
haix..
wad can i sae..

aft the funeral b4 the ashes were taken
they have a big quarrel
haix
luckily my dad was nt as quarrelsome as them
n so self centred as them
he cared for his children
n was nt so jin jin ji jiao
think ishx cos of my mum hu had influenced him..

i pitied my father eldest bro too
his children had abandoned him
cos his wife hated him n told them to do so
my uncle had slogged his life to bring them up
he was veri rich last tym
n started to drink alcohol since veri veri young
was an entrepreneur
bt nw
he was a sweeper
one hu was abandoned by his family
i feel like slapping his daughters..
one hu had married
called her children nt to touched her grandpa
cos she thinks that her father was dirty

one hu came during the funeral
when my aunties called my uncle to see her
she turned awae
my uncle even tried to put dwn his pride to see her
wad more does she wan

i hope his children will get the retribution
husband n wife shld stand side by side when one had prob
bt fancy his wife to abandon him cos he was alcoholic
bt wad can he do'
he was alcoholic since young
it's the same as u needed meals each dae
we cant blame him for nt being able to stop drinking
i guessed if he stopped drinking
he will have rashes
dat dae saw it
then my dad said it was cos of him trying nt to drink alcohol
hence it was his habit le
cant his wife be more understanding
moreover he onli drink on weekends
n had stopped smoking
wad more does his family wans
i realli pitied him..

haix.
when me overnitex..
i slept in e van
considering the fact dat my aunties will nt care for u
whether u die or nt
i dun beg to slp in their hse
the van was veri squeezy
bt gotta take it in my stride
n i had so mani mosquito bites
grr
then slept on the floor
wif a straw mat
haix

n there were two ignorant kids there
they were my granny great grandchildren
hu came for the sake of cuming
n were there running happily
cant stand the sight of them
n when my dad n mum treated them
they chose the most ex western set
cant stand them
n they jus quarrel over small matters
mei jia jiao
haix
perhaps cos they dun have a mum ba

i miss my grandma
luckily i gt her
who taught me the ritex waes
the ritex values
i luv her

n mum n dad dun allow me go work
sorry pw mummy
haix
they promised me to buy the th i wan
which include hzgg bks n cam fone
haix..
nt happiex for anyth nw

lit ishx driving me real crazy

nw me bro was toking so rudely to my dad
hate him n his gf
=P
stupid brains
stupid gal
hu tink dat she ishx a kid
she called my bro
then kept throwing her tandrums when we were collecting ashes
hate her
pls lahx..
tis ishx more impt that u
irritaing woman
go die lahx
no one will pity u..
n i dun wan to see u!

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