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What Is Left Of Me
mInmIn
17
20th august 1989
Temasek Junior College
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the orientation ends jus like dat...kinda sad actualli..cos my last tym le...leading the sec ones...haix...bt i still feel todae i abit xiong...bt cos tym tight...den sum of them veri noisy...when teach cheer dey dun wan listen..kinda frustrated..n fed up...grr...bt well...dey veri cute one nehx..u bomb them horx...pc bomb them or dl bomb them..dey shout so loud...do "rock you" cheer...wan die like dat..so guai ritex..if u can do ke ma ma n bombing cheer so well...rock you shld be beta wad...dat's a fact i dun understand..haha...bt i do hope dey dun angry wif me nahx...tym tight mahx..or else i oso dun wana scold nahx...haix...
den they gt 2nd in claz deco......sooooOOOooOOOooo happiex for them...u mus tink nehx..ytd dey were so quiet..dey dun wana tok so much...dun wana gib ideas...bt dey realli gt brin all those materials...n their claz ishx soOOoooOOoo nice nice nice...dey do until so nice though a bit luan..bt luan de hao kan..realli...i realli touched n impressed norx..den zhong ming was like saying..aiya..we wont get ani prize one..den he abit lose confidence aft so mani claz de name call le...den when ishx sae dey 2nd..he so happiex..haix...den lead them ke ma ma cheer..i tink the news neva gt dwn..in the end ...i onli heard a few...den zhong ming went up take prizes...e prizes were alot alot...i guess he has high expectations bahx...i can feel dat he wana be the first claz..haix...den he veri gd nahx...he gt like cheer for the first claz...gt sportsmanship..potential ccl...seriously...
den hmm...gib them the prizes...the ferrero(???) rocher(???) was nt enuff...of course everyone wans it...den we decided one section one section gib..lucky..u take nt lucky..too bad nahx..den in the end...no one wans le...den i threw it in front..zhong ming was after it..haha...den mr soon saw it..was so shocked..so i kinda guilty...in the end oli sae dun throw sweets...so guilty...*guilt* bt we realli gt no choice nehx...hw to gib out when everyone wan..haha...
den tk photos...haix...den dey left...gather wif section two...suddenly feel so close to ccl board..haix...one more yr to go...haix...rain..so the escape n www cant go le...den went out wif pw mummy...me initialli realli sad...cant go escape n www when i wanted to go so much..haix...bt aft dat went bishan...feeling soo much beta..cos gt more things to walk nahx..den haha..i ate the mash potato in orchard while pw bought the mushrm soup..i tot it wldnt be nice..in e end..i luv it man..gee...den pw mummy went bishan find seven eleven to buy mash potato...she feel like eating mahx..n dat stupid 7-11 so pian pi..hai wo walk so long..gee..den horx...we spend like one n a half hrs taking neoprints..cos see tis n dat machine..see which one nice...den wait wait wait..i cant believe i spend so much tym..n the neoprints soOOoo nice..i luv it man..gota post one up...pw mummy...it's nice n superb ritex..hahaha..
i veri tired nehx..dun feel like typing...wanted to write reflection on 2004 de..c hw bahx..
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hmmm..todae orientation...alot of things went wrong..bt like wad kenny said..i guessed cos the principal tok overrun nahx...dat's why...so well..i tink the organisers shld nt be so sad nahx...dey did their best norx..and...well..i noe dey put in alot of efforts...so i gota sae it's nt their fault nahx...so i do hope the sec one can understand..
hmmm...ice breaker games n team building games was overall..okiex...bt...i hope those sec1 can understand nahx...tym ishx nt within our crtl bahx...den well the last part was the most nice one bahx..discussing claz deco wif dl...dey quiet bt cooperative bahx...den dey agreed to bring sum stuff...n they listened to wad u say norx..as for ep..initialli..i was real fed up wif them...imagine..they tok..u tok...n u call them to gib u claz deco ideas...nth to tok...gr..den i tok beach...dey go n sae the vulgarities...cant stand dat guy...grr....den finalli settled claz deco aft much discussion..den teached them cheer...finalli finalli dey enthu le..was so happiex...den yahx..i noe i shout veri loud..haha...bt i managed to motivate them nehx...*proud* hahaha...den they realli cheered..i was so touched...gee...of course....other councillors gt help too..thanks yeahz!so happiex when u hear them cheer...n tel u dey can do it..den in the end DL n Ep competed..n ep won..so weird ritex..when i shld be attached to dl n dey shld win..i feel like betraying them nehx...gee...den mel tel me she cant buy them sweets...haix...so i bought it norx...risking the fact dat my mum n dad like scolding me for so late...bt cum back..chey...nth happened..duhx...
tmr gg escape...yeahx...i do pray the orientation will end quick quick...den i can go...n most imptly...i can motivate them worx...gee...
~life seems to be so diff wif her arnd le...~
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happiex dae for mi ytd..gee...
morning went cdc..on the bus...saw dat bitch..den usualli when i saw her i need to smile at her one mahx..dat tym after exam i saw her on the same bus too..surprisingly she smile to mi..so i oso had to smile to her norx...so i was like trying to act a smile to her...when she looked awae and soft of roll her eyes..den i was like weird...why she looked awae...din realised dat sumone was bside her until i walked in further..yahx...it was her bf...i was like -_- i was like u scared i noe mehx..embarrassed to let me see u two or wad..diaox...looked awae like dat it's so clear dat u din hab a conscious heart at all..n as if i wana see u all two together like dat..if it was so..had i knew u all were on the same bus..i wld hab wait for another bus..dun wana see u at all nehx...bt i gota sae why looked awae..when u had alreadi annouced so loudly dat tym dat u hab a bf n name start wif "i" in front of the cdc members...of course i noe le lahx...duhx...annouced till like dat...as if u hab bf big like dat..-__- den nw still scared i see mehx...when u hab been so proud of it...duhx..den reached sch bus stop..i was like...dey alight back gate mahx...so i dun wana see them at all..though i m neutral to her bf...so i alighted at the front gate bus stop...jus my luck to see them early in the morn... *pui*
den reached cdc...erhx...read the newspaper bout the earthquake thing..i was so sad for them norx..haix...imagine u lose all ur loved ones to the act of god..haix...veri sad..den dat stupid kelvin still xin zai le huo u noe..he was like saying.."hey the tsunami in wild wild wet ishx veri fun...bt horx..this tsunami caused by the earthquake so high so thrilling...n horx..when it flow into the swimming pool as shown in the news it's so beautiful.." den me xin ee n huiting was like....-__- mei you tong qing xin... so mani pple died still sae so much..so bad bad ritex...haix...den he kept on rattling on and on..grr..haha...bt i noe he jus playing nia nahx..
den cdc started..did the recuitment drive thingy...den veri cute nehx..the plastic..u drew a pic on it horx...mus big big one nahx on the SOFT plastic...den bring it into the oven...den u can see hw the plastic fold in and den out n becum smaller n smaller...kekex...n horx..it becum hard le aft dat...i tink see ishx beta then saying bahx.....
den aft dat..ehx..i went to tok norx as dey choosing costumes..den sumone told me bout her pt of view nahx..i kinda soft hearted...cos well..i realli duno wad ishx she tinking..ishx she siding wif dat bitch or wif me..i duno...at one tym..i heard pple telling me u re evil n cruel..betraying me behind my back..when i remember clearly dat u told me b4 dat u hate to be betrayed as u hab been betrayed once too...so i was kinda...why u betrayed me when u hate pple to do so...u noe dat kinda feeling ritex..why u hab to do dat to me...i can believe dat the bitch wld certainli betrayed me...dat i hab no doubts...bt towards u..as we breakoff...i tot dat u will n alwaes be my fren n nt jus fren...one whom who will alwaes stae in my memories...one whom i remembered dat u shared the same passion as me..u noe my heart...u noe my secrets..u even noe wad m i feeling ritex frm my expression...u can jus read tru me sumhw...n u care bout me..u noe me well..u noe wad m i dd...u support me..u jus noe me too well dat even if i dun tok...u noe wad m i feeling...u noe everything of me so clearly dat perhaps towards certain things...u can even noe it beta than i noe myself...bt as wad i heard frm other pple..it seems...dat i m wrong bout u..i shld nt tink of u so highly...u r capable of any acts...u wear a mask everydae..u seems so gd to me..bt evil in ur heart...u betrayed me...dat's the most impt th dat i wld nt believe it at all..at first...bt as daes go by...wif so mani pple telling me so mani things..i start to realise perhaps...i realli tink too highly of you..bt as i tok to dat sumone...it seems dat u r trying to leave me alone....n let things stae this wae..dun wana provoke anyth animore..later i misunderstood u again..i was like ...argh...felt like crying hard....i duno wad r u tinking...wad r u trying to do..hu r u actualli supporting...r u wif me or r u wif dat bitch..or r u as usual...having ur neutral stand again...bt we had breakoff for five months le...i m sure u had a stand dat will certainli sway to one side...bt well..i guess u side wif that bitch bahx..since u r alwaes wif her...toking to her..she will jus tel u things dat can convince u...bt actualli..i wld sae it veri clearly here...the quarrel had started btw me n dat bitch at first...n u werent involved at all in the first place...it was a silent break wif u...why u choose to listen to dat bitch pt of view bt u neva wan to listen to mine..u noe it breaks my heart to see u choosing to listen to her bt nt me..i tot...seriously...i THOUGHT dat u noe me beta than dat bitch noe me...hence...u wld approach me...n ask me wad's happening...i noe ur ans wld be...u all wan me to approach u all instead...bt i jus wana sae...does it matter hu take the initiative when we r such close than ever closer gd frenx...approach u all...everyth mus i approach u all one..izzit fair to me...nw ishx two against me one...or rather three against one...do u tink i wld approach you all..when so mani r against me?!...will u?! moreover, i dun even noe wad u r tinking...why silent break btw me n u...i tot i wld certainli break wif dat bitch...bt not u... bt well..i guess u all still tink dat u all r in the ritex ritex frm the start...jus cos of I NEVA APPROACH U ALL AND ASK U ALL FOR THE REASON...ishx tis fair...perhaps to you all it's fair aftall...bt aft being 2 yrs 7 months 26 daes 6.45 hrs of frenx...wif patched n break in btw which i tot wld make us understand each other beta...in the end...we still break off...n ritex frm the start..i din blame u all for the breaking of the frenship aft all...to mi..i do feel dat i m in the wrong..bt it takes two hands to clap..hence....i guess...i m partly in the wrong...i mean u all tink dat u all r neva in the wrong..i duno if it's true...bt i do heard frm pple dat...ritex frm the start...u all neva tot dat u all r in the wrong at all....u all tink dat u r r alwaes ritex...i neva neva neva tot dat...aft so many daes of bein together...u all still tink dat u all r in the ritex n neva wrong..n put the blame on me n jus me...well..i hab nth to sae if u all tink tis wae...as wad i said..it's three against one...no matter wad i tink n wad i said...i m still at the losing end..it's like a tug of war...three against one..whu will win?...i guess u all noe the ans too..i duno wad to do...can u all..or rather u let me noe wad u re thinking of...i noe u r nt capable of such xia jian acts like dat bitch...bt u neva let me noe ur stand n feelings at all..neva..i can onli hear frm sum pple..n as dey tell me..i can onli sae..it's a half half...sum pple told me u betrayed me too..sum pple told me u din at all..in fact...the person dat i shld approach ishx u...so wad r u thinking...i m caught in btw...i duno hu to believe...perhaps...i cld onli sae...pls stop taking a neutral stand..bt if u side wif dat bitch..i hab nth to sae...cos i tot u noe me too well...bt in the end...things hab to end tis wae..i duno...let it be...if u dun wana sae anyth nor tel me bout wad u feel bout tis silent break aft all..since...intiative are neva taken...
okiex enuff of this sad thing...though i m realli in a conflict wif myself...well..i put it dwn first..den aft cdc...i went to eat wif them...din noe dat it included them...bt well...as wad i said last tym...i striked awae the "her"in my wish list...perhaps...i stopped waiting le..i m tired enuff...since aft being frenx n close frenx for so long..u avoided me n think dat u cant tok to me...i give up..i m tired enuff...well..perhaps striking the her ishx the end..realli the end to the prolong torture...my heart dun feel anyth nw when i see her..i dun feel dat kinda wana reconcile animore..i dun feel dat kinda wana tok to her bout us animore...i dun feel dat kinda jealousy when she was wif dey all instead of me...like ytd..when go studio rehearsals..she was dere toking to chor ming bout stuff...though i m veri near...i din bother to listen or look at her...perhaps...my waiting...my heart towards her ishx realli dead..dead...ritex aft i striked her name off...u disappoints me the most...u hurt me the most...haix...suan le..i guess since u find it so hard to be frenx wif me..n i m nt under the list of the person u wana hab bside u...suan le..i dun tink u care bout wad i feel aftall...
den i went bn bbq..saw dat bitch again when i was walking out of the grand audit..suay man...den gt a auntie n uncle approach me..cos dey duno hw to tel their relatives where was chung cheng...den wanted to find a public fone..den i was like...raining so heavily...u all wana find a public fone...so i lend then my fone to call norx...den aft dat tel their relatives where tis sch ishx...haha...den i din expect dey all to ask me bout the charges n wanted to pay..i was like..huhx..dun need nahx..it was free outgoin aftall..kekex...den ms lai..walked pass scare me...haha...den she was like..wow...so helpful...of course i m ... =X...geee....
the comments given by cindy during the rehearsal gave me alot of encouragement...let me feel dat i shld con wif my passion..gee..thanks cindy...gee......
den walked out...luckily the rain was nt so heavy le..den pw rushed me cal me go off..so i neva tied my hair..n i hate it kaex...cos i scared later make my face gt pimples...gee...den quickly go parkwae mac tie hair..oh it's toilet i mean..haha...
den went bbq le...raining...drizzle bahx..den i saw the guys trying to light the fire..i was like..so cham nehx...dey trying so hard...bt well..i cant help..u call me light the fire..my definition ishx..put match stick..let the charcoal be on fire...n yahx...dat's it...gt fire le..can cook le...gee...so i cant light...haix...den went to the shelter..den denise took pics me took too...she oso gt took pics of the sea...bt well my one nt digi..so i cant realli noe i take nice nt..so din take...gee...
finalli the fire realli lighted le..began cooking...den...dey cook ..bt i guessed alot of pple veri hungry bahx..n sh daughter went hm b4 the bbq even started...haix..den gota escort her out..kekex...den i when i was eating the chicken wing..i cant stand it..itr was ssssoOOooOOooo oily..bt i gt nth to eat except dat u see...the fishballl veri fast no more le...bt well i gt eat nahx...bt the amt i eat ishx lesser than wad i usualli eat in other bbq..argh...n gt one realli full of oil n fatty meat...eEeeEks...when i ate it..i immediately spit it out n threw it awae...gee...i noe i waste food..bt i realli cant eat it..okiex...so the food was okiex...den went to take pics of the nitex east coast...wif pw denise..melissa..shu han..jin juan...yong hui ah ma...i m so happiex she still remember she ishx my ah ma norx...tot she forgt le..den when i asked her for food..n she gave me a chicken wing...n sae hu mus u thank..den i sae yong hui...den she sae..no mus call me one..so i sae yong hui ah ma...gee....so happiex..n she gave me the chicken wing..gee..den oso wif chen jiao...hu i forgt huhx..duno...shld be all bahx...ehx..like still gt more..haha..duno..wait till i wash the photos first..gee...den take take..pw mummy need go hm le..i oso kinda tired..so went hm too...den denise was taking photos of the underpass...me oso..i took sum..gee...then pw mummy was like..aiyo..u all whole life neva see underpass b4..or u all scared can neva cum east coast again..bt we dun care..stilll take..gee...n i told denise dat the trees dun take the pics...den she was so scared aft dat...sorriex worx..gee..den we or rather i onli...act crazy as we walked the underpass..gee...den so happiex...veri hyper...gee...den take taxi..gee..mummy wan me take de...gee...i haven use finish my 36 film..haix...so escape i gota take pics too...gee..nice nice...lalala...duhx..me...haha...yeah...so happiex..lala...okiex fine...i do hope fri i can realli make it to escape norx...haix...i realli hope..bt melissa told me the orientation will overrun one..so perhaps i cant go WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!....pw mummy!!!!!!! argh...if realli i late..perhaps i dun go wild wild wet.. nxt tym then go norx..haix...i gota add wishes to my wish list...yeah!
tata ...such a long entry...bt guess it's cos of her bahx...haix....*shakes head*
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gee...well...ytd...practcalli jus study study study...get so sick of it..n i was so pc wif lit dat i cried norx...cos the stupid act3 scene4 wksht was super duper long...gt so fed up...grrr....i realli curse.....grrr..
okiex..ytd me hp bombard le...cos pw mummy n i was like toking bout the escape n www thing...cos i onli released at 12 on fri mahx..den pw mummy n sh daughter n perhaps denise wana go early..so well was like discussing hw m i gota contact them if their belongings ishx in e locker..den sms here n dere...den like saying if meet at 2 i scared late or early...den gg hm tym..pw mummy de mummy (haha) dun wana her go hm too late...den she told me her mummy nt veri happiex..so i was dere tinking of waes to help her..haha...den i asked kelvin if www those tickets can go in cum out one nt..he sae can! i was so happiex..which means we can send pw mummy hm while we continue to play...gee...kill two birds wif one stone..haha...yeah! i m looking ssssoOOoo forward to tis wk...
tmr-tue-cdc n bn bbq... cdc perhaps huiyi cuming back..hope to see her worx...as for bn bbq...i m looking sOoOo forward to it...i hope alot will be present dat ishx..den will be fun...n of course...wif all those prcs scholars...it will be great fun..hope alot of pple can be able to make it bahx..
wed-cdc n perhaps sentosa..i c hw first bahx...sentosa i duno nehx..i wana go swim in the beach..bt i knew my parents wont allow..bt i wan! grr...gee...jus hope wont hab cdc bahx...haix...
thurs-sec1 orientation! i luv it mahx..u get to interact wif the sec1s n see hw old u r...haha..guess i will see lotx of seniors too..bt well...i guess tis the last yr i can be present for sec1 orientation..haix..kinda sad nahx..i oso cant go back nxt yr wad..i m nt a pcec member or wad..jus hope i can enjoy norx..gee...
fri(a wonderful new yr eve!)-sec 1 orientation n escape n www i m so thrilled..no matter wad i gota play till the park closes..gee..dun care...bt i jus scared pw mummy cant stae so long bahx...haix..i do hope the crowd wld be lesser..or else i will die waiting..haha...i feel like gg countdwn party wif jy nehx..bt horx..seems like cant nehx...dun dare to ask..dun wana de cun jing chi..gee...haix...hope can countdwn...or else veri sianx..bt horx...2005...a yr i dun wana look forward to...
cum to tink of it..a wk more to sch reopens..sec3...a yr dat ishx so memorable...a yr whereby i finalli see tru my frenx...n noe who betrayed me...hyprocrites...a yr i noe other frenx who treat pple truly n sincerely..n dey dun harbour such evil tots..n hab fun n joy n peace wif them..a yr full of hatred bt love...a yr full of stress bt hab joy in the meantym..i dun wana leave my BN claz...haix...dere r alot of fun pple dere..haha...
i dun look forward to sec4..it's a hectic yr...stressed yr...i dun wan...haix..cdc performance..ccl duties...9 sub..driving me all crazy..haix...let tis yr passed wif no pain n sorrows...i jus hope so...haix...
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first of all...wana wish everyone a merry xmas..gee..well i din have a veri exciting xmas though..bt i m so happie dat i spent it wif my family..it's a season of love..so i onli wana spend it wif them..gee...
well...bt my christmas gift ishx to be able to go escape which realli thrilled me man...gee...i tot i wld get scolded or wad..bt i din at all..i jus asked n my dad agreed readily..omg..i m so so so happiex...upon hearing him here okiex bt mus look out for ur safety n stuff..i was so so so happiex..okiex..well..gee...anywae...bt wad disappoints me was i hav to go my aunt's hse on mon..well..so i cld onli go on fri which ishx aft orientation..gee...as long as i can play..can le..gee.....bt horx..i scared nt enuff tym..c hw norx...haix...
well..n i curse my biao mei seriously...so angry norx..nt being bad or wad..bt horx..she told me her xin shi..den i told her hw i dun feel love n care frm my relatives when dey onli show concern to my bro..considering the fact dat she told me hw she feel too..i trust her nt to tel anione..yet todae my mum told me her mum noes bout it n ask her...wth...i was so so angry norx..stupid her..i treat her so gd...n yet she...curse her man..hope things wont spread..or else i guess i will die..grr
haix...the more i look at my papa n mama..e more i felt...haix..duno why..i jus wana grow up..n dun wan them to work so hard...i hate my bro..for treating them like shit man..n curse dat galfren of his...i dun like to c dat stupid gal at all.....i wana grow up...n yang my papa n mama...grrr....
lastly merry merry christmas...gee..
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well, tis xmas eve ishx sort of quiet for me...bt well i dun feel like gg out nahx...i jus hope mon i can go to escape n www can le...pls pls..i dun dare to ask...hate dat kind dun dare to ask feeling..hw..hw..hw..help!...grr..mummy papa pls nahx...i wan goo....wana enjoy myself one last tym...*wondering*
went swim wif papa n mama...i luv tis kinda of life...i jus wan my papa n mama..i dun wan anione else...no one...i m jus so happiex dat i can spend tym swim wif them..guess nxt yr will b a hectic yr..
well...we r realli drifting apart...looked tru the past msg dat he sent me in my hp..past memories jus overwhelm me sumhw..bt well..i cant do anyth..since u dun even wana tel me anith...as wad i said...u choose to leave moi world...drifting apart..in e past we used to do sumth bout it..bt nw..it seems dat u dun care bout it..i tried toking..bt u choose to turn awae..todae ask u bout whether u hab hp le..u gave me dat kinda feeling dat u dun wish to sae..i dunnoe why u choose to be like tis...haix..duno nahx...i dun wana care le..since u dun wana care too...jus a hp thingy..cant u jus sae...so secretive for wad...grr...duno...since u hab ur own circle of frenx le..i guess we r jus a moment of memories...since me n his prob solve...well..perhaps we cant carry on le..perhaps...ishx cos of him i know u..n well..tis kinda relationship wont last...
~i dun wana fight no more~
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okiex...the trip to msia i wld sae okiex okiex nahx...gee..we took the express bus..hmm..duration was okiex...bt when it cum to gg into customs, everyone was cheonging like siaox...den i was like so fast for wad..as if the custom will close dwn like dat...kekex...den took the bus all the wae to larking...onli to find dat there r no shops there..so we took back to causewae there dat has a veri big shopping centre...it ishx so biiiggg....my god...i was like shoopping here n dere..can sae things r cheap..bt horx..i dun see anyth i like nehx...de rebonding was cheap..bt mum dun allow..moreover..me nw hair okiex length nia...so i also dun wana argue..n well unexpectedly..i gota change my sch bag.every yr i neva tot like changing nahx..bt the outdoor bag dere ishx ssssssoo ssssooooo cheap...dat tym buy outdoor bag in sin was 50 to 60 sumth..n nw i bought it in masia for 10 to 20 sin! omg..i cant believe it...moreover it's waterproof...gt pink..bt wel..it's too striking..so i din buy norx...well the neoprints dere r soo soo ex...20 for those stickers once..which ishx more ex than sin..no wonder no body go take one...kekex..den gt those type of shop like orchard one..it was black black de...bt it rox kaex..i like the suspense feeling..gee...bt the sport shoes dere r nice..bt all limited pairs one..haix..
den cuming back to sin..saw a lot of beggar on the wae...papa was so generous..each persom 1 rm when everyone gave coins..n dere were a llloooottt of beggar..nt one..bt bout 8..gt sum so desperate that they went to the middle of the road...shld be express wae...n beg the drivers to gib sum..i was like..feel hurt for them nahx..dey hab to beg till like dat...n those stupid drivers hab such a big car bt such a small heart...hardly anyone gt gib norx..so angry..if i cld reach tot that beggar i wld gib them norx..bt they too far le..i was inside the customs le...haix...sum of them no hand no leg one norx..stupid driver still no tong qing xin one..curse you! grr...
hmm.. came back...den go bugis walk walk...n dad bought me a pair of op slippers..yeah!!...so go swimming wont scared of shoes wet le...gee..the op slippers...so nice...luv it..gee....
din exercise todae..guess...my 50 laps r fading..haha..duno wad i toking bout too..cos i m so tired nw...i jus pray i wont hav a flu tis month..i can feel it cuming..since 2nd half of 2004...every month i went to the doc cos i m dwn wif flu n fever..i wana break my record..i dun wan every month sick..hope tis month wont be sick since i m nt so stressed though i m stressed out by lit le..haix..
hope i can go escape n wild wild wet..i still dun dare to ask..hw..pw mummy help!
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me biao mei alwaes gt bully frm me =P oopsiex..gee..no nahx...jus call her do sumth for me onli mahx...bt she realli veri gd nahx..will do for mi..gee..i realli lik her..haix...bt well..we seldom c each other nahx..bt she veri gd to me norx..haix..
gee..wohhoooxxx....so happiex..gee...i reached my target of swimming 50 laps! yeahx! kekex...actualli wanted to swim 30 laps nia..bt horx...tink left wif 20 might as well swim finish..gee...
pw mummy n denise went to play...swam on my own..gee..den the deep pool onli less than 10 pple..pathetic nehx....den swim swim swim..while dey play play play..haha...den we went kiddy pool aft dat..my god..we r like kids man..kekex..den gt a auntie keep looking n smile at me..gee...den i was like *blushes* cos we r like playing like the kids...den we sit under the cone thingy..which will fall off when too much water ishx in it n splash on u...my god...it rockx man..haha...so we jus sit dere n enjoy...kekex...nice nice..den pw mummy n denise were talking bout gg to www n escape..den i was like listening..pw mummy too excited le..haix...hopes my parents allow nahx...gee..
den gt a baby veri cute...pw mummy blocked his wae mahx...den aft pw mummy gt up..he went to beat pw mummy..haha...:P..so pw mummy...the baby dun like u..muahahahha..=P
pw mummy kept begging denise to finish her hmwk..so dat gt pple to go www n escape wif her if my parents dun allow..kekex...sh daughter hab tuition..haix...so sad norx...kekex...*prays i can go worx*
den slept slept slept..i tink i not gg to slp much todae..since tmr gg msia n sure long trip..shall slp on bus..gee...look forward worx..heex...
he sms me..ask me hw i gg to spend my xmas eve n xmas..din bother to reply..haix..dun care nahx..i mean since u disappoint me so much..n lie to me too...though dat tym i did ask u in the chalet..n u still sae u still...uhem...wadeva..dun feel like caring bout it le..since he did not wan to be tan bai wif me all along.. =(
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sorted out my thinking..dun wana cry animore...*Humph* haix...wonder if i can do it notx...kekex..
thanks to pw mummy..ytd she at msn keep trying to console me..haha...even use nsh eg to console..kekex...haix...duno nahx...gota buck up though...
perhaps gg to escape n wild wild wet le..me wana fa xie...dun care nahx..even if i scared..i oso nt gota care..i gg to fa xie..n play!! haix..hope i can play..haha..rem the first tym i went...16 dollars for 2 rides..cos i scared mahx..gee...
todae ishx a bad bad dae..cos no matter wad i eat..my tummy will hurts...grr..haix...so i din eat much..haha...mummy help me finish up my food! gee...
went to play badminton..everywhere gt wind..gib up..go cc...den gt a bro n his didi playing..so jy decide to ask if can play wif them..so we played together...haix...dey so gd norx...keep smacking..den horx..like to trick us one..=P nahx nvm...will improve..gee...
haix...tok to him again..called me..so tok norx...i guess one dae we will quarrel one..haix..duno nahx..i mean...i jus dun like to tok nahx...dun call me to tok..i dun wan...i m nt an entertainer nahx...haix...duno...guess will quarrel..haix...i m so confused...i guess jus o ahead wif ur heart bahx..dun lie to urself..kaex...bt i m sure u can do it..hab confident in you!..
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haix...seems dat my blog ishx soo neg..bt i dun wan to be sad too..bt i cant choose to feel wad i wana feel...sadness jus overwhelm me sumhw..i felt so trapped...haix..
okiex...for sum happiex th...looking forward to thurs..cos gg msia..so so so happiex...gee...finalli i can go overseas nehx..though nt far nahx..bt still satisfied..gee..bt means cant go for sec1 registration...bt last yr nehx..sort of haix...duno nahx...den i felt so..cos needa tel oli bout it..bt horx..i scared quarrel wif her or wad..dat tym cos of the chalet nearly quarrel wif her nehx..den i dun like nahx...haix...so i jus find replacement..den she suddenly so serious..scared me..she sae needa show passport n nt dat she was gg against me or wad..i was like...i tot wad th..tot she's gg to sae wad..haix...i like nv turn up for duty veri bad nehx...bt i wan go msia norx..being caught btw..i sms her n ask if can tel me e tym..den she called me n sae she oso duno..bt guess ishx whole dae..so which means i cant go for registration n msia together...haix...actualli i hab neg tots bout it...*shrugs*
hmmm...went for cdc...haix..my acting skills r realli plunging dwn...i felt that i am a lan4 actress...i dun understand why i m qualified for the lao tai po in the esplanade performance..till nw..i m nt satisfied wif my acting of that..i cant tu po at all..i like veri xiao hai zi norx..cant act like dat..bt i m jus so xiao hai zi..i cant change tis..haix...grr...bt for acting..actualli everyth cld be changed one..bt i dun seem to be able to..hw hw hw...i dun feel like acting at all..dun feel like..haix...me acting skilss sux nw...hw to improve..chor ming helped me a little..haix..i wan to break out!
haix..todae hab a major headache..bt went swimming though..haix..din manage to reach my target..cld nt swim much..had dat kinda feeling..haix..as i swim..i tink of a lot of th..my past..present n future...hu r exactly my fren n foe..i duno..haix..dun wish to tink bout it..
tok to him till 3 am ytd..haix...wad's the diff btw care n luv...when u care for sumone bt u dun luv dat person izzit still meaningful to carry on..i dun tink so nahx..bt i din comment much..jus b a listening ear..bt if u wan me to console..i guess i cant do it...
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face with three blows...wad can i do..help..hu can help..or rather...do i need help..do i wan help..i dun seems to wan anyth...nt at all..i dun no wad m i looking for? concern, care, love, pity..wad?! i duno..i felt so lost..i dun noe wad i wan..dun ask me..me myself oso duno wad i wan..u can help me...i duno...argh...
u left me everyth...bt wad i do for u..u tel me..if it's within my ability..i do it..bt wad we wan...i duno...u have ur own circle of frenx le..u seems happiex..den i still need to hold on..i m hurt...hurt..u noe..nO...nt at all...u choose to avoid..i tel..u...i duno..i duno.."ya we realli are...bt..i realli duno wad to do bout it." can u help me..instead of jus leaving things as it ishx...n telling me ya...we are......... wad can i do...i m jus a gal..a teary gal..one hu duno wad to do..can u tel me..even dere ishx a prob...i m left wif it...den wad can i do..if u dun care...i dun one to be alone...i dun wan..bt u dun seems to understand...perhaps we are from different world ritex from e start..we shld nt have known each other...shld nt...we shld nt hav gt so close..we shld nt hab...it hurts both parties tis wae...why did we go against fate in e first place...cos of ur determination...ur support..ur assurance...i go ahead...bt hab u known...cos of u..i lost alot of things...NO...u duno...i dun need ur pity...bt can u stop giving me a cold shoulder...i dun like it at all..i lost alot alot...can u make me feel dat's it ishx worth it..cos of u..i m malign..cos of u..i lost my pillar of support...cos of u...pple start avoiding me..cos of u...pple thinks that i m giving them lots of probs... cos of u...i was scolded once n again..cos of u...i did sumth against my heart..cos of u...i lost my dearest...cos of you..i lose other pple's trust..cos of you..pple start to gib me dat kinda look...bt i dun ask for anyth..i dun wan u to help me..bt can u make me feel dat's it's worth it...bt it dun seems to be so at all..den wad can i do...nth....i can onli cry to myself...i can onli keep it...even if i tel u..why i m i filled wif hatred..does it help..u hav ur own world..i have my own world..we realli shldnt hab start knowing n accepting..perhaps..i m jus deceived all along..i was blind...blind blind..u left me all alone..wad m i to do nw...wad can i do..u gib me cold shoulder again n again..n sae dat we r nt as b4..den wad can i do..if u dun wana tok it out..wad can i do..TEL ME...TEL ME..I WLD DO ANYTH IF U TEL ME..bt did u...nt at all...
i hate i hate i hate...i hate my past...get it..i hate my past...i hate myself..i hate myself...for holding on...for bein stubborn..when i noe...things wont get ani beta...i hate...myself..i hate myself........argh......why shld i live on......i hate......i hab no strength animore...i m breaking dwn..can u save me...no..cos u choose to step out of my world n go into other pple's world..den wad can i do..pull u back? dat isn't necessary..since ur heart isnt wif me...i duno...i hate myself...for forgiving u tym n again..i hate my soft hearted personality...i shld hab leave u frm the start..perhaps..i shld hab nt known u at all...n tis pain wld stop...n neva appear at all...............
JUS TEL ME WAD CAN I DO FOR YOU...
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*heartbroken + teary + disappointed ++++*
haix..
everytym if gt 2 entries in a row..
it means sumth bad..
nahx..
finalli i understood..
understood her feelings n stuff
i dun wan to hold on le
since from e start
she believed her instead
instead of asking me
i noe..
she had her own feelings to care bout
bt if i continue to tink bout her feelings
n nt my own
i m the one hurt deeply in e end
so i wld rather nt
pardon me for putting myself b4 you
bt i gave chance and tym to consider
bt all i get ishx more n more misunderstandings
n u sided n sided with them
which left me w/o a word
to explain myself
ishx tis fair?
wad if u 're treated so
wad wld u feel
a fren dat u loved
a fren dat u tot wld understand hw u feel
a fren dat u tot wouldnt betrayed u
a fren whom u tot wld stand by u
a fren whom u tot she wld support u
in e end
it was a blank all along
jus my wishful thinking
whether or nt ishx rumours dat u all tot to be
i wld gib u a clear ans dat it was nt at all
it was nt a rumour
i swear
y m i so sure
i cant sae
bt i swear it was the truth all along
of wad i wrote b4 wad the bitches sae of me
they din realised dat.....
well...i cant sae much
bt well...
i can onli sae
ge qiang you er
u neva noe
hu wld be ur fren or foe
ishx those probs that caused us to be together
bt ishx oso those probs dat caused us to break up
wad's the meaning of tis
i duno
well
bt sumth dat can be confirmed
ishx
dere wont be a tym when u need to solve those probs for me again
cos....
i cant organise wad th had take place b4 n aft
i bu shi zai zheng dui ni
bt towards them
i can onli sae
get lost!
i hate you all
i dun need a reason for the ending le
cos i dun wish to noe too
e more i find out
e more i noe wad u all tok bhind me
e more i hate you all
e more i feel like jus giving u all a tight slap
stop spreading
stop putting th as if u re are alwaes in e ritex
pls man
i din expect u all to be so shameful
jus tinkin dat u re are in e ritex all tym along
n tinking that i m the core reason
dat's nt e pt..
perhaps
u all r jus being childish
so childish dat i cant even stand it
shameful gals
haix...
duno
i hate to hear sumone tel me
"dey still tink dey r in e ritex all along"
i din expect u all to be such people
hu dun admit to ur mistakes
these two n a half yrs
i hav been wrong bout u all
jus wrong
i tink too well of u all le..
all u all wan me ishx ask u all
ask u all
ask u all
ask u all
i dun wan
why mus i ask
bt nt u all
cos u all have been taking the initiative all along?
*pui*
i dun tink so at all
did u all
ask bout it
fat hope
i din blame u all at all
it's till
e daes when i heard wad u all sae bhind my back
i blamed
i indeed blamed
i blame u all
i hate you all
u all started the whole th
by saying th behind my back
backstabbers...
u all tink i blame
bt u all duno wad i tink
haha
i cant stop bt laugh at u all
aft so long
u all still dun understand
foolish
stupid
pple
jus cos of her
n her
n her
n her
i hate you!!!!!
u make me misunderstand others
i hate you
grr..
din noe bout it
haix..duno
wadeva
jus get ur bks off my hse asap
curse u!
duno
i felt so depressed
din noe dat sumone i trust so much
sumone whom i can tok to so much
nw avoid me
nw cant even tok to me at all
nw cant even communicate wif me
wad's e meaning of tis
haix..
duno
u left me all alone
all alone
w/o giving me tym to adapt
i felt so hurt by you..
avoid avoid avoid
dat's all occurring
i din noe we wld end up avoiding each other
din noe
i tot
it wont eva happen
bt in e end
i was wrong along..
haix...
wad can i sae
i duno
i felt so lost suddenly by her words..
cancelled the her at the wishlist
e wish will neva be fulfilled
wad's e pt of hopin n pining
it wld neva be fulfilled
it wld be a blank in e end
[_________________________]
hu can fill in tis blank above
no one
since u had decided to avoid
it wld 4eva remain as a blank...
[_________________________________________________]
n it gets longer n longer
as i get more n more puzzled
more n more hurt
[_________________________________________________________________]
u wld neva understand....
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haix...nw not so angry le..ytd saw sumth dat realli dissapoints me norx...duno nahx...perhaps...i shld nt let hang on nahx...bt horx..jus kinda sad...trust him so much..yet he did tis norx...haix...waiting...the meaning of wait...ishx nt to wait while u luv another..it makes me feel as if u are yi jian ta liang chuang de ren..haix...duno nahx..dun wana tink bout it..bt jus super angry...destroy the blog i did for him..dun care le..haix..i mean u din even tel me..then wad's the "her" mean..jus to fu yan me! haix...hate you..dun eva let me noe anyth bout u eva again..
hmm...i m still stuck wif lit as usual..wana finish quickly nahx..grr..haix..duno...hmmm...ytd went out in e nitex..wow..orchard hasn been so interesting b4 man...alot of th..so walk here n there...bought sum stuff too..3 soft toys..1 necklace..1 hairband..n a cap..omg...dat cap ishx bout the same as dat tym i saw one..it's so cheap...so i bought it...gee...nah nah...found dat 77th street necklaces quite nice..hey...pw mummy..dat tym we oso see a lot of necklaces n bracelets ritex..den ex...perhaps can go 77th street to settle norx..den so late den go hm..bought famous amos too...so nice...yummy..*guilty*
was tanned...went swimming wif pw mummy on fri mahx..so tanned...cant stand it..den horx..pw mummy make my pig's thread came out..so we like tailor...haha..trying to fix that thread in..kekex..pw mummy helped to make it back! lalala...
shld be all tata
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hmmm..todae went to cdc..haix..as usual..i noe i wld slack..cos it's like dey were busy diaoing the sec 1 n 2..so i nth to do mahx..grr..jus cos of cdc..i din realli do my lit..haix...den i went upstairs...cos xinyan asked me act lao tai po..haha..so i acted..den saw kelvin fone..ahh..e camera ishx realli nice man..haha..i luv it..nt blur blur one norx..so nice...den the pic all so clear de..haha..luv it man..den ren bu zhu jus keep taking pics..haha..nice nice..gee..kelvin mus rem to giv me my pics horx..haha..i decided..to aim for dat fone..or more nahx..cos kelvin fone still like veri man lehx..
well..den yy went to view gallery..so pai seh..cos i take those pics..veri dotx one nahx..bt he oso neva sae anyth..bt i so pai seh..gee...ahhh...*blushes*
den went out..oh..den jy came my hse..haha..did a little tiny bit of 12th nitex..cant concentrate..so we jus go dwn eat muah chee..haha..nice nice..gee...den went play badminton...haha..my hse dere de badminton court veri stupid..gt so much wind..den i dun wan to hit against it le..learnt my lesson..so well..we went to the badminton court in the cc...haha...we din bk lohx..bt we jus went in..jus hope neva kana caught lahx..den played..dat place ishx so nice...ah...u hit the shuttle cock still gt sound effect one..haha..echo..nice manx..den keep hitting..haha..played till so shuang..den our final aim was 20 "laps" which means frm my here to jy n frm jy to mi ishx one "lap" so well..we gt it..so happiex..haha..nice nice..den see pple play bball...haha....nice nice
well..went hm..use jy fone took pics again..haha..bt veri blur..hmm..den did lit..haix..n pw mummy ishx so excited bout gg swimming tmr..-___- she horx..duno mus sae hw mani tyms..kekex..i was like 0___- haha...she too excited le..well..bt i hope it will be a nice dae nahx..i scared i too concentrate on reaching my laps target n forget her..gee..hope nt...
tok to him*d on msn..was like so dotx lohx..ishx like well..he's nt in a gd mood nahx..den i was stirred by his words..aiyo..was like he losing his temper mahx..den i oso irritated...grr..nt dat i dun wan tel u norx..well..i hab my reasons..n he jus keep like so angry..haix..duno nahx..den aft dat..he apologised...-__ nth to sae nahx..haix..i like nwadaes oso veri easy lose temper..grr..mus ctrl nahx..dun like to lose temper..
found her* blog..haix..i guess i dun wish to sae anyth..i m nt in the position too..perhaps..i realli lost to the race of tym..
den oso noe dat dat *uh hem* gt attached le..was like..*puke* such type of pple oso wan her..haha..she loose mahx..too bad...=P
haix...
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back frm ccl camp since yest..tired tired tired ..i do enjoy overall...bt i m nt realli happiex sumtimes bt it...haix..
in ccl camp..din miss papa n mama dat much..i dun even hab tym to tink of anyone...the schedule was jus so packed...reached sch..has the celebration for xiao^huimin..she ishx gg for the ip programme..wish her all e best worx..haha...den we order pizza hut...ate pizza for dinner den..
den went play dirty games...my grp consists of zeng wei, qing wei, jonathon,bryan, me n min si...i alwaes mixed up zeng wei n qing wei..keke...den sumtyms so embarrassing..when i asked pple gt see zeng wei (when he's bside me) n dey will sae isnt he bside u..den i will be so embarrassed...n sae oh...actualli i meant qing wei...kekex..the dirty games ishx jus so dirty...i hab neva been so dirty b4 norx..i was kinda nt veri happiex nahx...if u all noe me well..i dun like dirty games in actual fact..i hate it..esp if i hab long hair..it so hard to clean n wash...n it stinks it stinks okiex..i hate it..hate it to the core..bt i din sae anyth...since everyone in my grp so united...i mus nt be odd one out mahx..so i heck lahx..go against myself..jus let those station masters do wad dey wan..which include pouring diluted chili sauce, soy sauce, ketchup, flour n eggs..dat's sum of the ingredients...i duno if there r others..the worse ishx..u dun even noe wad dat dirty ingredients they used to pour on u..so u duno wad's on ur body..wad's those sticky n stinky thingy..haix..duno nahx..grr...
tis isn't the worse..the tym given to bathe ishx onli bout 40 to 50 mins...onli so few cubicles..so mani gals..so darn pek cek..so dirty yet cant bathe peacefully..anywae..luckily i manage to bathe..grr...
den nitex walk..which ishx the worst of all..well..to me..i guess the station masters had succeeded wad they wan...i had neva been so scared of nitex walk b4..tis the first tym..can sae they plan veri gd nahx.. nitex walk grp consists of yambel( duno hw to spell his name), a guy i duno wad name..haha...bt he so comical..jessica n me.. den first station ishx it resource...den jessica scared..so i went in...actualli i nt scared of e nitex walk initially..i even tel jessica nt to be scared..bt aft tis station..i failed to calm myself dwn..i hab neva tried to finish a station myself norx..den i jus run in the rm...n the screen suddenly gt a doll pic with a bloody face..luckily i neva look as i run...or else i will die..i jus run n look dwn...wa lao..i guess i will hav phobia of the rm le..n the kenny senior still sae actualli wan catch my leg one..dotx...luckily neva..or else i die le lohx..den go bois toliet station..yb go apply lipstick..haha..so cute!
den go linkwae...tis e worse..go forth level old blk...tis i first tym i cried out so loud...grr...den i m suppose to enter the bois cubicle alone...of course i dare nt lahx..so aft wait wait wait...yb came n save mi! haha...so in actual fact i neva went in alone..n yb went in wif me..realli thanks to him..anywae he was the one supposed to save me n jessica..din noe..tot in the toilet gt sumth..so dun dare go in mahx..in e end..nth...bt considering the fact dat i m so scared le..dat stupid crys came out n scare me..at the moment..i jus break dwn n cried..haix..silly me ritex..bt dere's no wae to stop my tears...haix..so i cry..so embarrassing..cried in front of my grp members nthe station masters lehx..grr..haix..n i m a sec3!!!!!!!! n much experience than them lehx...haix..stupid me
den go find light stick..go cca blk..kana scare by huiying...oso scream...haix...den went d n t blk..hmm..i forgt wad i did le..cos dat station gt a lot of probs..yy so scary..he was like camouflage in the dark..cos his face ishx as black as eva..haha..he was like so angry..cos mani grps drag n drag...so dat station..we neva complete sumth i tink..
den went grand audit...well..dat place was super duper long...bt i oso forgt wad i did le..kekex..heex...cos i tink i was nt so scared dere lahx...
den went conference rm..den LT..den solo nitex..slp alone nehx..nt so scared...den went to the claz bside 4it...well..so scary when the door slam..gee...den i was blindfolded..den so tired le..so i jus unfold myself..n want to slp..luckily noriko came..n i can unfold..n i open slping bag..lie dwn..tink of alot alot of things..haix..den fell aslp..haha..wif my specs on..kekex..den aft a few mins..noriko came n take my specs out for me..so gd norx..bt i jus woke up n kina scared by her..she oso scared by mi..kekex...so funny..n i slept till morn 7.40pm..luckily nt late..bt no one morn call me lohx..humph!!!!!!
den breakfast...den ian teach us a game cal H2o...so fun..kekex..fun fun fun..kekex...i love dat game..if can ..i wana teach 3bn during the outing...it's fun..we sure can see..the other side of the claz...kekex...
den gt a in n out game...den wow n woos game..yong hwa teached us make n fork n spoon into a comb n shaver..kekex...so we did dat..den gt auction wif other grps..then wensheng( izzit?forgt his name le) keep wanted to auction for our item..bt too bad..kekex...other pple managed to get it..bleahx..the judges so cute..kekex..
den amazing race..well..i dun feel like typing..anywae..i oso cant rem much bout it..all i can rem ishx the salad garden..haha..min si jus put her hand into the mayonise(duno hw to spell) bottle n "dig" it out n apply on the fruits which we hab to eat..it sucks kaex..u all go try norx...it's so yucky...den i oso quite fed up nahx...nvm..nt gota tok bout it..later sum pple noe le..tel her..my life in ccl board will b harder n eva..i hate her nw lohx..wa lao..ur status high so wad...doesnt mean u can order sumone jus like dat..dun go too far lohx..u all mayb the organisers...bt dun go too far lohx..we are oso humans...wad ritex had u all to do all those stupid th to us..u tink we dun wan to complete the task mehx..sumth r nt within wad we can do wad...there ishx a limit to everyone wad..wad ritex r u to command us..so wad u big..u r jus a freaking person wif no brains!
den gt sectional performance n prize giving..den break camp..overall..i like n hate tis camp nahx..wadeva nahx..wad past ishx past..grr..
ah...i miss u i miss u i miss u miss u...
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i felt so lost nw...hw hw hw...the time ishx drawing near..i gota go for the camp le..i dun wan i dun wan i dun wan...hw hw hw...mum ishx outside..tink she will be able to make it to bring me to sit taxi to sch..i duno hw...even on the fone..i cried...i wonder if later i see mama will cry nt..i dun wan to part wif them..i noe i m brin silly..i have been to so mani camps...yet..tis ishx the first one..i cant part wif my parents at all..nt at all..arghh...hw...i dun wan to cry n appear so silly infront of mama later..hw hw hw..hu can cease my tears...i dun wana cry animore..why i cant even part wif them even for a dae...why...hw...i miss them i miss them i miss them...drowned in my tears..i dun wan go camp..
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i felt so lost nw...hw hw hw...the time ishx drawing near..i gota go for the camp le..i dun wan i dun wan i dun wan...hw hw hw...mum ishx outside..tink she will be able to make it to bring me to sit taxi to sch..i duno hw...even on the fone..i cried...i wonder if later i see mama will cry nt..i dun wan to part wif them..i noe i m brin silly..i have been to so mani camps...yet..tis ishx the first one..i cant part wif my parents at all..nt at all..arghh...hw...i dun wan to cry n appear so silly infront of mama later..hw hw hw..hu can cease my tears...i dun wana cry animore..why i cant even part wif them even for a dae...why...hw...i miss them i miss them i miss them...drowned in my tears..i dun wan go camp..
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later goin for ccl camp..nt dat i m unwilling to go...bt jus kinda cant part wif my family..duno why...i felt so attached to my parents...argh...i seldom go camp so unwilling one..alwaes look forward to it...yet nw..grrr...hw hw hw...even for a dae..i noe i will miss them a lot alot...help help..haiz..mum goin see doc later..cant acc her..papa go work le..haix...ytd cried so much..haix..miss them so much..bt i neva noe hw to express myself..in their eyes, dey will jus tink i m silly...haix..
having realli bad stomach cramps..grrr..hw m i goin to survive tis camp...in short..i jus dun wan go...if sae no overnitex..i m fine wif it..cos i wana be wif my papa n mama..haix..
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miss you all so much..perhaps...i wana live like u all wif freedom n joy..bt mayb it's cos we cant see each other sorrows that caused us to be envy of each other's life...
hmm...todae went to checkup early in e morning..haix..bad news..nt gota sae it here..bt i will work towards to my goals anywae...i wont disappoint my dad n mum in anywae *humph*
den went walk walk..hmm...todae papa so gd norx..i merely sae i wanted to see if gt the swimming type of cap..den he immediately find n buy it for me..i was like...ah...papa so gd norx...haix...it was ex to me nahx...cos when i go swimming i hated the chlorine..eeekkksss...it "destroy" my hair..gee...so well i gt the cap..bt i scared of wearing sumhw...cos like veri bald..gee..
den i oso merely sae jiayi goggles gt degree one..like specs like dat..immediately my dad ask the salesgal whether gt nt..i was like -_- den i tried..haha...500 degree..600 degree i look liao so blur...make me blur too..keke...it was real ex..well my dad still buy it for mi! geee..muacks..so happiex...den he oso bought swimming costume for my mum..which means i can go swimming wif them nxt tym...gee..nice nice...heex...swam 24 laps ytd...wanted to con..bt too late le..scared..haix...gotta hate my target..*determination*gee
den i bought slping bag too..cos well...ccl camp need..den i oso wan nahx..or else veri ma fan everytym go camp...gee.
den i slept all the wae to 4pm like dat..then me bro papa n mama go see car car...gee..i dun like see car car..so neva go norx..waste tym onli..well my bro realli bought his dream car..bt i can see my papa n mama quite worried for him...i gt no comments...cos since he wanted it so much..n though my papa n mama advise him so much..he still wana go ahead to spend his money jus like dat..wad can we do...well in e end ishx onli him hu suffer... so well..gd luck to him den... den me mama cried ...duno why..guess cos of the car car bahx..shrugs..i noe sumth ishx goin on btw bro n mama..bt i dun wish to ask nahx..later kanna scolded..well..i can onli sae..i wana grow up..i noe..to work ishx nt easy..bt i wana provide for my parents..i wan..i dun wan them to slog so hard..n in e end..my bro gt wings le..jus fly awae like dat..i wont..i wan to stae wif them..sumtyms i realli wonder..w/o them...will i kill myself too..cos i find no meaning in living w/o my papa n mama..haix..
well..dat tuition teacher forgt dat she gt tuition me todae..-_- so i jus forget it norx..haix..
was listening to " i dream" by sylvester n taufik..haha..it's nice..well..duno why i cried so easily nwadaes..i guess i can make it to those 10 sec luo lei th..haix..duno nahx...i m veri emotional nwadaes..todae duno cried hw mani times le..bt i duno wad i m crying for..all i noe ishx i m heartbroken by wad ishx happening in my world..
And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream
I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream ....
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grrr..so pissed off..why alwaes my entry delete one...grr...
anywae...hmmm...ytd morn went to play badminton wif jia yi...i guess i m playing against the wind ba...cos when i serve straight it was blown to either left or ritex...so i was dere...hitting it hard so it will go straight...bt well...of course i gt my revenge frm the wind..haha..my shoulder hurts nw...grr...guess it's cos i swam 20 laps the prev dae too..went swimming..so i swam 20 laps..so happiex..bt i kinda lose my stamina le..gota improve..target ishx 50...bt horx...last tym manage to swim up to 80...gota buck up...hmmm..
it was a nice game wif jia yi..at least dun need keep picking ball..haha...then pw mummy sms me..ask me wan do work nt..i was so tempted norx...den i was dere...huhx..do or nt do...pay ishx gd norx...5 dollars per hr...gd mahx...bt parents dun allow..aft sum struggle decided to go do..so me n jiayi shower at moi hse b4 goin..nice game yea..
reached bugis...went to collect the stock..then walked all the wae to city hall to gib out...gt two escalators..then i chose one..pw mummy one..den i was so dotx...cos me no matter hw much i gib horx..i din manage to zui shang peiwen...perhaps her pple dere more...then she was saying her fengshui hao...den cos pple go up her escalator go shop or eat more happiex...mood more gd...n she's the first person dey encounter those giving out th one..humph...n i was 1 n a half stacks behind her...grr..
then went for break...pw mummy sae wan go fast food..which i dun wan..bt was tempted to eat..hmm..so had our lunch.den faster go distribute the calendars again..bt horx..i exchange places wif her..results still e same..grr...suddenly the place where i was initialli in...gt sooOooO mani pple...while the place i took from her gt so little pple..bu gong pin...then in the end..she helped me distributed half a stack..gee...then horx..gt one guy veri veri cute nehx...i was distibuting...then he was saying..aiya..i take all frm u lahx..b4 i can react...he took my stack go..i was like -_-...bt well he helped me lahx..gee...den i realised i was like a robot...cos i learned the lesson dat if u wan pple take e calendar from u..u must smile(which i dun like),yin yin sai gei na ge ren(which ishx pw mummy jiao de...) n sae "thank you" (which it works bt i becum a robot) haha...so for everyone i sae thannk you..realli like a robot sia..haha..
hmmm..anywae me n denise dat tym was toking bout passion n ur ambition...for me...i did nt have the same passion for my ambition..well..i was discussing wif her..shld we go aft our passion or ambition...goin aft passion makes u feel dat u hab live ur life fully as u had fulfilled wad u alwaes wanted to do..bt sumtimes...money ishx a key factor..ur passion may nt gib u the money to live ur life...hweva ambition does...like a decent job...u get money...bt u dun enjoy wad u r doin...bt u can hab money to buy wad u wan..which one ishx beta? i duno...cos i m realli caught btw tis 2..bt i guess nw..i m drifting awae frm my passion...
hmm..anywae...still duno whether goin to countdwn 2005 nt..hmmm...bt gota book tixs lehx...n dat stupid orientation camp falls on 31st dec..kaox..cant dey make it earlier..stupid lohx...
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ytd went out wif denise..went to the newly reopened bishan..gee...so mani shops..realli target teenagers one...ahhhhhhh...n i bought all my stuff..which include hzgg bks,discman porch n pencil box...i so happiex norx...gee..finalli i found my pencil box...oso help mummy buy one..gee...pw mummy arhx..i explain to u why i can go out le..hmm..hope u wont be angry worx..cos i veri scared u angry..dat tym quarrel wif u so scary...i cried n cried lohx..i dun wan to quarrel wif u eva again..neva...dat's why i wan to clear ani misunderstanding btw us...gee..so dat's why ytd suddenly msg u n wrote so serious stuff...hope u understand worx..i knew u will...thanks...i miss goin out!
heex...also was chatting wif wanting bout losing wt jus...she like veri professional like dat worx...tot me so mani stuff to lose wt..even sent me a veri cute msg...*shHhH* nt gota sae..gee...hmmm..she gave me the determination to do so...gee...realli love her lotx...haha..she veri cute oso..kekex...hope she acheive her aim..wanting..gd luck to u n mi worx...!...gee..we gota work hard!!
aft goin to the agency...i tink me parents wan to go those type iof zi ju lui xin...i guess i wan too..haha..me aunt tat tym tel us hw to go to her hse till she wan vomit blood...cos me father dun understand..keep wen dong wen xi..haha...in e end..we finally understood...hmm...me gota asked mum when we can go tour...go m'sia..i love u...haha...i siaox liaox...cos chatting wif wanting realli make me so happiex..gee
i tink i will realli go swimming everydae tis wk..felt sick recently..guess cos of my diet..gota control...hmm.! jia you wanting n mi!! let's reach our target..
oh forgt to mentioned..i hate 12th nitex nw..grrr...stupid ms chan..why mus she gib us so much hmwk..it ishx so stupid..lit alwaes the most hmwk..heck le lahx..since it's first wk fri then hand up..i guess i quickly finish up wad i doin n do my amaths cum tests...oh pw mummy..dun be so stressed up worx! jia you! let's jia you together!
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haix jus nw had written my entry bt it was deleted..grrr..
i felt so confused nw..so upset...haix..within these few daes..i realised wad truly ishx life..
i neva tot dat i wld attend two funerals in a yr
lost two loved ones in jus a year
i m numb to dying
which i cant controlled it in anywae..
i had not seen granny for two years
nt dat i dun wan to visit her
ishx my family hated them
the aunties n uncles
whom they r nt on gd terms with
i noe hw they feel
imagine u r living wif aunties dat are so self centred n selfish
caring for themselves n money ishx all they cld care bout
heard frm my mum dat even toilet paper
they did nt shared at all
each one will buy their own to use
to them a single cent ishx a hundred
which i realli dread tis kinda pple
moreover
they are veri quarrelsome
during tis funeral
they had quarreled for numerous times
i realli pitied my granny
her funeral was realli a simple one
as the siblings were all not willing to fork out any huge sum of money to give her a "grand" funeral.
everyone went for the sake of goin
for the sake of paying last respects.
for the sake of nt being called bu4 xiao4 zi3
bt nt cos they loved her
they missed her
they cant do w/o her
they wanted her to be happiex in the other world
the rituals were so diff frm my grandma.
the funeral was sooo diff too..
i know
it does nt take a "grand" funeral to show that u are fillial
bt i felt dat that was the last h dey could at least do for their mother
give her the last comfort dat she cld hav
bt this was nt wad i felt
i cld nt understnad why mus they be so quarrelsome
during these few daes..
they had been quarrelling for numerous tyms..
which i realli felt so angry
none of them think dat they r in e wrong
to them
they r alwaes in e ritex
nt even giving in during their mum's funeral
nt giving her the chance to rest in peace..
i hated them
nw i knew
why moi mum hated them too
they r jus cold blooded pple
during the cremation
mani cried
some cried so loud
i felt the pain
nt cos my granny was cremated
cos i duno if they were shedding crocodile tears or nt
i do felt the pain of losing her
bt nt dat intense as i lost my grandma
cos i was nt closed to her
haix..
wad can i sae..
aft the funeral b4 the ashes were taken
they have a big quarrel
haix
luckily my dad was nt as quarrelsome as them
n so self centred as them
he cared for his children
n was nt so jin jin ji jiao
think ishx cos of my mum hu had influenced him..
i pitied my father eldest bro too
his children had abandoned him
cos his wife hated him n told them to do so
my uncle had slogged his life to bring them up
he was veri rich last tym
n started to drink alcohol since veri veri young
was an entrepreneur
bt nw
he was a sweeper
one hu was abandoned by his family
i feel like slapping his daughters..
one hu had married
called her children nt to touched her grandpa
cos she thinks that her father was dirty
one hu came during the funeral
when my aunties called my uncle to see her
she turned awae
my uncle even tried to put dwn his pride to see her
wad more does she wan
i hope his children will get the retribution
husband n wife shld stand side by side when one had prob
bt fancy his wife to abandon him cos he was alcoholic
bt wad can he do'
he was alcoholic since young
it's the same as u needed meals each dae
we cant blame him for nt being able to stop drinking
i guessed if he stopped drinking
he will have rashes
dat dae saw it
then my dad said it was cos of him trying nt to drink alcohol
hence it was his habit le
cant his wife be more understanding
moreover he onli drink on weekends
n had stopped smoking
wad more does his family wans
i realli pitied him..
haix.
when me overnitex..
i slept in e van
considering the fact dat my aunties will nt care for u
whether u die or nt
i dun beg to slp in their hse
the van was veri squeezy
bt gotta take it in my stride
n i had so mani mosquito bites
grr
then slept on the floor
wif a straw mat
haix
n there were two ignorant kids there
they were my granny great grandchildren
hu came for the sake of cuming
n were there running happily
cant stand the sight of them
n when my dad n mum treated them
they chose the most ex western set
cant stand them
n they jus quarrel over small matters
mei jia jiao
haix
perhaps cos they dun have a mum ba
i miss my grandma
luckily i gt her
who taught me the ritex waes
the ritex values
i luv her
n mum n dad dun allow me go work
sorry pw mummy
haix
they promised me to buy the th i wan
which include hzgg bks n cam fone
haix..
nt happiex for anyth nw
lit ishx driving me real crazy
nw me bro was toking so rudely to my dad
hate him n his gf
=P
stupid brains
stupid gal
hu tink dat she ishx a kid
she called my bro
then kept throwing her tandrums when we were collecting ashes
hate her
pls lahx..
tis ishx more impt that u
irritaing woman
go die lahx
no one will pity u..
n i dun wan to see u!
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i wonder why i m still here blogging..kekex...cos jus nw actualli wana slp liaox..bt horx...9pm show mus watch mahx..watch watch n here i m so jin shen...bt if cal me go do hmwk...i will die perhaps..
todae morn..luckily neva overslept nehx..gee...cos nehx..me parents neva wake me up nahx..i told them 6.30am in the end i ownself 8.30 am wake up..i was like...oh die le...i meet jia yi at 8.30..but luckily..she haven reached *phew* so went to zun bei norx..hmm..then she came...gee..played badminton..my god..i m nt playing against her in actual fact..i m playing against the wind..gee...cos the wind kinda blow my badminton ball(duhx!) awae...n i was dere i hit straight it went to e left..grr..so i used a lot of strength to hit it..ya it gt straight...bt the wind seek revenge..haha..nw my shoulder so damn pain norx...grrr...pain pain...retribution..haha...guess it's oso cos ytd i go swimming nahx..bt the pool ishx so cool..deep deep one..bt i dun tink it's as clean as the pool in aloha..gee...cos when i go underwater..i cant see wad's far awae...haha...bt i m so proud..i managaed to swim 20 laps...of course ishx length nahx..so happiex..gee...perhaps it's nt much...bt i kinda lose my stamina le...so i gota train..gee...my hope ishx to reach 50 laps! yeah...i tink can if i gt stamina...manage to reach 80 laps in e past..jia you to me!
then when i resting wif jia yi..pw mummy sms me sae gt job do...me was so tempted to do norx..gee...5 per hr nehx...quite gd le lehx...bt me parents dun allow..aft sum xin li zhen zha..i decided go do norx...bt was rushing..bos i bout 9 sumth then receive her msg..so had to shower n everyth..then off i go to bugis meet her! haha...8 stacks of calendars..was like -_- duno can finish nt..bt jus try my best norx..
so we walked all the wae to city hall...was so long the journey...hmm..den we started to gib out the calendars at the escalator...pw mummy was so fast..grr...she gave out so mani stacks..humph! den she sae her dere fengshui hao..grr......haha...actualli the calendars ishx meant for gals..bt i heck..i gib out to bois too...gee..n i became a robot...cos i learnt that if u wan pple to take the calendar frm u...u gota smile n sae "thank you"..bt i dun like to smile like siao...so i sae thank you to everyone i gave..hmmm..in e end..i keep saying i feel like i m a robot..haha..n pw mummy gave a calendar to one frm our sch my cca...hate the sight of her...jus a person like the cur...if i can sae one word bout her..i wld sae "flirt!"
den went for break..haix..mummy wan fast food..i dun wan norx..bt was tempted to eat..luckily i exercise..gee..den eat le..go do work again..cos i dun wan 7 o clock reach hm..so i sae target 5 o clock finish work..we manage to do it! haha...pw mummy help me wif half a stack( m i correct?) then gt one guy veri cute..i was dere giving n giving n giving...he said to me..aiya...gib me e whole stack nahx..b4 i can react..my whole stack was taken awae..then his frenx were dere saying he gao po huai...haha..i nth to sae..b4 i realise everyth..he go up escalator le..anywae thanks to him nahx...haha..i can gib out other stack like dat mahx..heex
well the job aggravate my shoulder pain..nw pain pain le lahx...sobs...haix..bt gt money it's okiex nahx...gee..
hmm..tink tmr go swimming again bahx...gee..i m siao le lahx..haha...tata for nw..
anywae i still duno if i can go for the countdwwn 2005...gota bk tixs lehx..bt gt orientation camp..duno till wad tym..so stupid norx...why mus fall on dat dae man..kaox...anywae if anyone wana go..jus tag me..
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hmmm..long haven update..perhaps nt long oso..kekex..
anywae..mon went shatec..hmmm...i dun like the mushrm soup! haha..dat's wad i kept complaining..it smell n taste like milk to me..hmm...then the lessons were okiex..i luv the bread the most..! i noe i abit duhx..bt well..bread ishx still the nicest..the main course oso okiex nahx..bt pple said the salmon overcooked...*shrugs*
mr soon told us that he will b teaching ss from claz 4fg onwards...he's nt taking ms khairani claz at all...bn dl n md all nt taken...i wonder will she teach us..i do hope so...out of all the ss teachers..in sec3 i still tink she's the best..n i wan her be our form teacher..w/o her..i guess our class will nt be so clean..kekex..*guilty* cos we alwaes dun like to sweep the floor..kekex..haix..sec3 daes are realli ssoooo fast..last month of 2004 le..gota treasure these times...nxt yr will realli be hectic le...haix..
hmmm..then tue i d/l the incredibles movie..though i haven see nahx..effects nt veri gd lehx..kekex..
i realli miss my bro chalet..miss her..she leaving le..to hk...i wonder i will see her again..i realli miss her..since p2..i enter ccps choir till me nw sec3..we still are the best of frenx..8 yrs of frenship..i dun wan her to leave..why...why mus she drop to normal...why she ishx nt happiex in singapore at all..hu are giving her all the sorrows..haix..i duno nahx..i duno hw to help her oso..bt i jus wana keep in contact wif her...
i wonder will i c her the last tym todae..cos she sae wana see the fotos..i hope so..i miss u...i dun wan the frenship to go to the drain..i realli duno wad to do..she's leaving n yet i seem so helpless bout it...
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