All That I've Got

Sunday, October 24, 2004
-1:07:00 AM-

seriously i hate chi for e moment nw..me brain ishx so full n packed wif nth bt chi..ishx so frustrating..fancy have to spend my weekend wif it..nth bt chi..i mean i like bt nt to tis stage..like every hr cant leave the handbk for a single min..

lessons r starting..i cant help bt worry dat lessons will tak up e time i have for my chi..mon gt cdc..sianz...surprised i will sae sianz..used to b enthu..bt my passion faded..haix..i dun wish to go seriously..bt wad can i sae..

headaches r cuming..furiously..i cant seem to tak it...bt seriously it ishx realli boring to jus keep studying chi..hmm..suddenly like to have more sub to studi..bt of cos more time..kekex..

anywae i hope nov one cum fast...n go fast..n my results nice nice..haha..wad crap m i tokin..anywae me realli wana watch hzgg vcds..so tempted..ahahaha...hw i wish i m in sec2..when these daes r realli slack..rather than studying chi here..grr..n i cant seem to finish it..guess 3 more daes..torturing daes..

~i m tired, pls release me frm such stress~

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Friday, October 22, 2004
-9:15:00 PM-

haha...nw can i then blog..was fiddling wif my tag column for so long...thanks to e da xiao jie..muahahaha...hu keep complaining...so well...i have to do sumth to it..hmmm...denise had to b involved too...so da xiao jie..mus stop complaining kaex?muhahaha..jus kidding..mus learn to appreciate..heex...=P

i m so slpy..gotta chop chop(denise: r u the murderer?) muahahaha..

enuff of tis craps..anywae todae gt bac overall results..hmmm..me average no gd..haix..pw mummy...let's c whether u will treat me..kekex..me n pw mummy bet..haha..u all noe the edusave scholarship? top 5 percent th then can get 500 dollars..haha..cos me claz prcs scholars r all included in e special stream..so well she was betting wif me if i manage to squeezeeeee into the top 5 percent..i need to treat her to chicken rice..if i cant..she treat me!! haha...james was included..bt it was so redundant..cos his average was 78.375..which ishx v high le..ggrrr...feel lik killing him n ruth..hahaha...

my average nt gd...cries..haix...bt since i make improvement..so i need to ssssssshhhhhhhhh...or else pple will cum chop me..heex.. anywae me average so coincidental same as denise..even the decimal pt oso e same..i wonder y so coincidental..kekex..perhaps we will rank e same in claz...haha...

anywae i m so happiiiiiiii..i manage to hit my L1R5 target n lesser by 1..heex...!!!!!!!!!! yeah...so happii..finalli

todae went mac alone to study..then gt tis mad little pri sch student was so rude..wanted to use my ezlink card to pAy for his meal..ishx tis reasonable..hmmm..anywae the e person at e cashier helped me..heex..then i studied there for 3 hr plus..time passed so fast..bt i manage to achieve a lot..so happi..bt well...was frozen in there..perhaps i realli cld nt stae at hm to study..bt well..if i dun..i will need to spend lots of money...cant! i saving my money to buy..hee...

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Thursday, October 21, 2004
-9:01:00 PM-

Firstly...suki sushi have a promotion of $16.90 for sushi buffet...@ marine parade there..any1 can go wif me???do drop me a note at my tag..heex..i love sushi..yummy yummy..

Debrief ishx FINALLI over..bt well e battle ishx nt over yet..left bout 10 daes to chi olevels..cant believe..n my preparation ishx on e wae..bt doesnt seem to end..

well..e results...can sae i m satisfied...bt nt wif bio OVERALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha...i guess pw ruth n denise noe well..grrr...it's frustrating..one more mark to A1..grr..i hate 74..haix..my L1R5 wld b higher than expected nw..hmm...n i dun have one more mark to help in my average..okiex..i shall stop lamenting bout it..

everyth e marks higher or equals to wad i expected..except chi eng n phy...my language sux for me..i duno y..grr..even my chi ishx nt helpin at all..thus my L1R5 will b higher again..kekex..well eng n phy...totalli pull me dwn..bt i guess i shld b satisfied dat i passed my eng..jus dat no significant improvement..when i shld sae e papers r standard..kekex..

am aiming for a 9 mark for L1R5..i dun care bout ranking alreadi..wif the PRCs scholars..i guess my rank will neva b high..kekex..bt they r in e special stream..heex so they wont b competing wif me for my edusave scholarship..muahahaha...i wan the money to buy...*sssshhhhh* heex..

i luv lit i luv lit i luv lit..hahahaha...bt i m realli disappointed in my 12th nitex..it onli manage to secure an A2 n pull my lit marks dwn..NO!! cant...nxt yr lots of exam will b based on lit..i cant afford to score low for it..n hw cum i luv 12th nitex so much yet i do much beta in KOTC..haha..for pw ishx opp..so guai..perhaps i did nt ans well for the deception of orsino n malvolio...well..e disguise..shld have spell it out for ms chan..i jus dun lik to b so straightforward in my ans..well..which resulted in ms chan complaining bout my LOONNNGGG essays..kekex..oh well...

hmmm...i tend to fall aslp at hm..well exams r neva tis case.hwhwhw....i neeed time to learn my chi..help help..need to go out n study..die le lahx..grr...hu can go out wif me study??? anyone?volunteers pls..haha..duhx..well i m goin crazy anywae..

~i m so tired though i slept for so long...hmmm...=( ~

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Monday, October 18, 2004
-6:17:00 PM-

jus came back frm cdc..feeling anger boiling inside me..

well..i see alot of things todae..n heard lots of things too..

anywae...i was included in e "....." for cdc nxt yr yan chu..(cant sae bout it too much, or else wu lao shi will...)as wad i sae..i feel my passion fadin..so i was rather reluctant..moreover..cal me write ju ben again..sarks man..esp when ur grp members r nt supportive..i dun wan to write..need to submit on fri...i still have my chi o'levels..n dat stupid yen yang didnt wan to help me at first..bt well he was scolded for nt helping so too bad..he had to write the front..kekex..n well..i jus dun feel like writing everyth..it's too much..n i was realli dun feel like included in tis th...i wana concentrate on my o'levels chi..n the time ishx so tight...grr...y m i included..pls my yu wen ishx nt gd at all..my compo sarks kaex..n it makes me feel lik i am a dai ti ping..calling u jus cos ur yu wen hao...to write the ju ben which ishx a tedious job n throwing u aside aft the ju ben ishx dwn..ishx like aft u finish ur task..u r retrenched..so damn frustrating..wadeva..the more i look at the schedule..e more i...haix..i jus dun wan to complete the long ju ben myself...bt well yen yang ishx helping..wadeva...i still have to complete it..

feel the hatred getting deeper n deeper..well..stop spreading e reason y we break to others..the reason ishx okiex..bt nt e reason which U ALL TINK it ishx..it ishx based on opinions n opinions nth bt u all opinions..pls..based on facts..anywae bitches will neva listen anyth ritex into their thick heads..bt wadeva u all tink does nt matter to me..bt well...jus hw u all sae it..n on wad scale r u all bitches spreading to..n for goodness sake..the reason btw me n cat breaking ishx totalli absolutely diff frm y we 3 break..bitches..stop spreading it ard..moreover spreading to sum pple hu so jia3...jus act to concern..makes me puke..stop u all nonsense..bitches..filled wif dull stupidity n jus trying to make the situation n reason acting positively towards ur side..self pity souls n bitches..showing nth bt jus wan pple to tink e wae dat u all do..wtf..n if u wana slap me..well..u shld noe hu u r..pls..dun b so childish..u mean i m a child..jus let u slap anyhw..tink bout it..i will make sure u're at the losing end..bleahx..freaks..xia4 jian4,san1 ba1..

anywae i guess i will nt do a gd work out of dat th..haix..gotta mug for me chi...

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Sunday, October 17, 2004
-6:14:00 PM-

firstly..if ani 3BN pple cum my blog..do leave a msg in my tag..tel me ishx chalet or claz outing beta..cos i haven cal ben bk..that time the voting was half half..so like the aft the prcs scholars cum back though more by a little bit..then i went ard asking..pracrically those hu chose b4 the PRCs scholars leave dun wan to attend..so well..was tinking another claz outing..bt duno..haven ask..so well do give me ur opinions..

todae can sae happi..heex..though well there r sum unhappi moments..

went to a restaurant cal RED STAR to eat dim sum..the dim sum there so nice n so delicious.n the wae they serve oso so traditional..kekex...well..seldom eat dim sum so was so excited..kekex..well..most imptly..ishx the whole family went out..well..i duno hw long since we 4 went out n eat together..bro busy wif his air force work..while me alwaes busy mugging my studies..left wif dad n mum spending the weekend alwaes..haix..

then went to buy CDs...bought two..heex...Pan Wei Bo one n Z chen...heex...mum sponsor..so can buy lohx..

n went to look at clothes..well onli bought jeans..the clothe all nt nice..well was telling mum bout me duno wan go bro bdae party...cos well..we aren't on gd relationship since young...haix..n well she was naggin at me too bout sumth..then i was like saying..i dun plan to live dat long in tis world either..aft my parents die..wad m i goin to do..haix..

didnt tot i wld shed another tear for him..well...duno y todae..jus cry over him..over our memories..haix...recalled everyth dat we went tru..frm the dae we meet..till e dae when he sae he likes her..n guardian..wif those curs..was tinking bout her..i wonder..actualli she ishx gd to me aftall.. jus dat i refuse to c the gd side of her in me n him relationship sumtimes..was tinking of e dae she came to my hse n slp n hw she consoled me n pei me tru the nitex..hw i cry lik a tap dat failed to ease..hw i hate my parents for interferring..hw i hated him to give up..she gave me the support..n when i cant forget him aft those breakups..both of them stood by me..hugging me tight n give me advice n stuff..well..bt sumtimes..wheneva i tot of hw she leaked out the th to my parents..n others..n hw they treated me tis yr..betraying me..i cldnt help bt hate her..hated them to e core..haix..

tmr have cdc..when every sec3s dun need cum sch..n the timing ishx so guai..seriously i dun feel like goin..xin ee nt goin...cos she goin m'sia..feeling more n more detached frm cdc..ya..i admit i do love drama..bt if realli ask me if i lik CCHMS chi drama..i cant help bt wonder..i do like it the past 2 yrs..bt perhaps nt nw..cos of them..cos of e sec4s..haix...my passion seems to b fadin..

~sumtimes i cld'nt help bt wonder..shld we have e same dreams n passion..shld we have tis tiring frenship in existence?~

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Saturday, October 16, 2004
-6:50:00 PM-

well...debrief ishx over..tot i wld die..bt well..i survived..bt struggled...ruth kept askin me bout my marks..sorry..bt duno y..jus dun wish to tel anyone..i was too moody..

as for eng paper one..those hu paid attention to ms chan lecture on my qn..wld have notice dat my compo was flashed..as out of pt..well..ya it's me..wadeva..hu can it b bt me..at the moment i saw dat..tears welled up...cried...i duno if pw mummy noes...bt well...both of us broke our promise...we cried..haix...i tot we cld keep the promise..apparently..we broke it..n cried..

mixed feelings towards ms chan showin my compo on the scree during the debrief.....inside me..i was nt angry bt real sad..i mean she's my elit teacher mind u..n fancy an elit student doin so badly in eng..ridiculous..bt gotten angry in e end cos she kept flashing compo frm 3 BN...i duno y..y mus she do tis..i dun understand y she flashed all 3BN major mistakes on it..n type ur initial..it will b so obvious dat it's u..i mean for elit..3BN did our best for her..i duno y...jus keep hearing pple saying..ta geng 3BN you chou huhx..thanks pw mummy..for lending me ur shoulder...thanks...for ur cheering me up...n crys too..she wrote me a note..sweet...melts my heart...well...aft everyth end..she ended off wif those pple hu i flashed on the screen may nt b the failers...pw n sh were kept saying she ishx lookin at me n toking to me..duno..didnt notice..for the whole lecture..i jus lean on mummy shoulder..tears welled up sumtimes..n i jus stare blankly..i didnt absorb anyth at all..bt during discipline duty for sec4 grad ceremony..ms chan saw me..was so surprised dat she recognised me...then she jus asked me if i m feeling beta n said dat i passed for overall..well..pw...ya..ni bu yong qing wo chi fan le..kekex..dat means i realli fail for part one..haix...i m immune...

phy was..haix..duno wad to sae..it's gd or bad..i oso duno..cos the cohorde(spell?) marks oso lik tis..bt it's nt a gd mark..haix..

as for ss..realli i feel..haix..i mean out of 12 classes..3 classes...under the teacher i duno hw to spell her name..she's a new teacher...all under her gt 70-80-90 for ss...n the highest was 45/50...can u believe it..when other classes..the rest of the 8 classes..altogether..less than 10 passed the paper..it's so unfair...it's lik can see dat she shld remark lohx..ms khairani said dat other teachers n her all marked lik olevels lik dat..i mean i m nt angry bout dat..bt it's lik it's so obvious dat there ishx sumth fishy bout it lohx...bt well i wld rather b marked lik o levels than getting too complacent bout it..well i passed..haix..i duno..ishx failing ss n getting a v gd mark a1 for phy n beta mark for eng beta..haix..

sec4 grad was taking attendance for 3md..when need to retak attendance..she jus walked awae..lik i m invisible..well..duno y..gt a feeling of giving up..i sms her ytd nt a single reply..wad's mean by tis..i duno..i feel lik giving up..since she cant face it..then well..i wont wan to face it too..haix..me spirits r dampened by her attitude..

saw those curs todae too..haix..i hate them..still bear dat hatred..hmm..saw sharon..she came bac..guess they told her bout it..wadeva..

n Dominic ishx the Mr Chung Cheng...yeah..so happi for him..his voice ishx nice...heex..i mean for half a yr hav been working n acting hard for hu de chuan qi wif him...he's a gd guy aftall...so happi for him..rem the times when the director asked us bout our "life story" n he was so lame..kekex...precious memories..

n huiyi..thanks for everyth...a little msg means alot..thanks lots..=)

~i m tired..pls..dun make me give up..pls tell me dat u're worth waiting for..pls give me strength..dun make me lose hope in tis frenship..~

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Friday, October 15, 2004
-9:35:00 PM-

feeling real dwn nw..duno why...while readin pw mummy blog..see her so sad..affected abit..well..realised dat tmr debrief ishx phy ss n eng..all sux sub..duno hw to face it..bt me n mummy promise nt to cry..i duno..perhaps tis promise will be broken..i guess it will..wadeva..since my blog ishx tears dat neva cease..it make sense dat i cry..feeling dwn n dwn..wana cry out loud..bt me parents will certainli ask n they dun like to c me cry..i sms cat..wan her to acc me..she said we can still share probs..i m willing to share wif her..duno if she wld reply..depressed me..i hate tis feeling..y mus i b so scared..y..sux...

~dO u nOe dAt i ReALli nEeD yOu..~

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-1:15:00 PM-

to those out there..once again..sorriex to make u all change link again..heex...sorriex...i jus like blogspot beta...

anywae...tis ishx my new blogskin...hav been doin it since i cum home ytd..which means i have been touching up for bout a dae? kekex..well...i jus wan my blog nice nice..heex..do comment on it..thanks...

anywae tis entry gotta b a long one..

exams r over..bt i dun like the feeling of it..so wad..i duno..i mean ya...during exams i m realli stressed out...for the whole wk of exam..i slept merely an average of 3 hrs...can u believe it..haha..pw mummy n sh daughter will noe best..kekex...cos sh ishx oso one of me..muahaha...except dat she tend to fall aslp..n cum to sch unprepared wif lotx of unfinished chapters...i cant imagine hw she cope..bt well..i dun like tis period either..u have to worry bout ur results..ytd was consoling pw mummy...she ishx realli feeling so dwn by her results..she so scared dat she wont do welll...in e meantime while consoling her..i was worried myself..jus dun wana sae out..later make her more worry..she realli v worried n scared..neva c her lik dat b4..no wonder ytd at the sch library..i sense dat sumth ishx wrong wif her..bt she doesnt wana sae..so well..i neva sae anyth...haix..i duno..this end yr realli sux...i hate tis man...i mean for last yr streaming i dun have to worry so much..nw i have to tink so much if i can PASS or nt..listen gd..ishx PASS..nt even if i can do WELL or nt...get so pissed off..realli pissed off by the fact dat even i worked so hard..wad's the results...hai shi yi chang kong...y mus i do so well in sec 1 n 2..i rather be an average student lik in pri sch...at least my expectations wont b so high dat if i cant do it..i wont b so sad..it's jus cos sec1 n 2 i did well..if i fall i will b so damn frustrated n upset..so i have to do well tis yr n nxt yr...i wana change but i cant...my expectations are set too high...beyond my ability...bt i cant control myself...i cant bring myself to tel myself dat well ur expectations r beyond wad u can do..i cant even ctrl myself..wad ish tis man...

todae ishx marking dae..hol...i m goin to enjoy it..cos tmr ishx taking bac of three papers if i m nt wrong..n one of it ishx physics...physics sux...tis ishx e sub dat i realli so pissed off wif..i can do well in e tests..bt neva in major exams...i dun understand y..anywae..i didnt finish the whole paper..stupid..

for all sub...except amaths n phy...rest i tried my best..i gave my best...wadeva the results are..i cant cry..i cant..i mus ctrl myself...i did my best..dat's the best i can give...bt i guess...i will cry certainly..wad a contradicting me..i m realli dull wif nth in my grey matter....

for amaths...i cant do proving identities..i duno why..i can do it last time..in all my practise...bt when it cum to test..nth cums out...n for the amaths..well i wld sae the paper ishx easy..realli easy...bt so wad if it's easy...i wont do well..i wont...the qn are all so familiar..bt due to lack of practice n a blank in my brain...i cant figure out wad method to use..esp for the remainder thereom..i mean dat's an easy chapt...ms shar said ishx easy b4...n quite a no of qn frm dat chapt came out...bt well..gt one qn...guess wad i tot of the solution onli aft e exam..when i was learning my bio for the nxt dae..i mean all the qns like ta men ren shi wo wo bu ren shi ta men..ishx so familiar...n yet i my working are lik so ridiculous...n my log..another easy chapt..i guess dat qn my whole th wrong..which costs me 4 to 5 marks..darn it..hw m i goin to get an A for my amaths...i guess everyone will fare well..except me...wad's wrong wif me...

n bio i give up my hopes on it..i cant do well in major exams dat's it...bio was hard real hard to me...ruth said was easy..n my mcq everyth i neva tink properly then do..no time..cos i do section B first..n it was so hard...esp the smoking diseases..forgt to revise it..anywae dat shld b chapt 16..which ishx nt in the exam syllabus..bt they tink dat it's oso part of respiration..well..wad can i sae...

i haven go check my debrief schedule for tmr..duno when's paper one eng..perhaps ishx tmr..well..i guess i will cry hard for dat paper..cos me argumentative..well...those pple ard me shld noe..i cant fail eng..cant...i cant...eng means alot...it means alot..help..i cant fail...can any1 understand...y...y mus i be so stupid in eng...

ytd was toking bout eng wif pw n sh...well...pw n i totalli agree dat we wan to b gd in eng rather than in chi...if we were to compare...we will be stuck wif eng for rest of our sch life no matter wad..jc we gt the GP paper..i wonder...hw mani times will i pass for dat paper..

chi wasnt dat gd either...compo gt bac..i mean it jus hit my expectations ba..smy chuo zi make my marks lower..i shldnt be penalised for chuo zi one lohx..suan le..i give up...

well..duno if i shld drop lit...at the rate my eng ishx improving..or rather has it eva improved..i cant do E lit..i duno..feel like dropping lit..cos me eng ishx so lan...it's so ridiculous to do E lit when u cant do well in eng...well...i con to hold on to lit ishx cos of my passion towards it..bt i guess i need to let tis passion fade awae..let it fade..n can i then bring myself to drop lit..perhaps it isn't a choice when i get bac my papers..perhaps..the sch will force me to drop..given my eng..ytd the last paper..lit..i was so lack of vocab..the essay i wrote realli like pri sch students write one...mayb pri sch students will write beta than me..one qn was asking bout Viola's character in the extract...n i gt study well dat extract...jus forgt wad vocab to use for her character...it's like so pissed off lohx..u noe her character..bt u duno hw to express in words..

well goin out later..myself...jus wan time for myself..duno where to go...jus wander bout...wadeva...

well noe frm sumone sumth..pls...dun alwaes sae dat u all cant stand me...bt have u all told me anyth bout it..NO NEVA..so shut up bout it..i mean i tot u r the one hu sae communication btw us ishx e most impt..bt have the two of u told me bout u all cant stand my wadeva..i dun even noe wad u all cant stand me..i cant even spell out wad u all cant stand me bout..all u all noe wad to sae n do ishx tell pple we break cos we cant stand her...wad the...bt have u all told me...me myself onli noe u all cant stand me n thses all i noe...wad u all cant stand..wad i have done..to make u all tink so..have u all said it b4..neva in my life..neva had i heard it b4..isn't it unfair to go round telling pple the reason y we break ishx dat u all cant stand ?(WAD????)...i noe even noe a single detail bout it..i dun even wth u all toking bout..instead i m alwaes the mediator btw u all two in e past...n cos she dun wish to voice out her opinions i help her n stuff...n behind my bac..u all sae u all cant stand me (WAD?)..wad i have done in e past ishx to improve the communication...n u all jus forget bout it n jus sae wad u all wan w/o telling me anyth..have u all..no..neva...i still rem u stayin wif me at my hse dwnstairs bus stop b4 goin for rehearsal for hu de chuan qi...n i told u wad she dun like n stuff..i did my part..i told u our tots n secrets..bt have u all eva..reflect DEEP upon urself b4 criticising other pple..

well...n dun pull dwn catherine into ur all tinking...i mean wadeva...u all go ard telling other pple dat she...well i dun wish tok bout wad u all sae bout her..wad's btw us ishx btw us...no matter wad...she ishx nt one of u all in my tinking..cos at least..i can trust her..bt nt u all..hu go ard telling tales when me myself dun even noe anyth bout wad u all feeling in e past..make me feel more dat our breakup ishx worth it..more worth it than eva... we shldnt have noe each other..we shldnt have the same dreams..we shldnt have the same passion...all e more i shldnt have worked so hard n put in effort in tis frenship n in e end...wad i get...jus pple malign me..i hate u all to e core...jus get off...n shut ur all big mouth up..even if u all dun shut up..wadeva...i dun care wad th u all sae animore...totalli detached...bt dun let me hear it again...n stop being backstabbers...u urself hate to b betrayed...n yet u urself betrayed me...i neva knew u are such a person..i trusted u so much..n u jus betrayed me lik tis...get lost...

wadeva...i feel so bottled up n fury inside me..bt deep inside me..u all realli hurt me...wad u all did to me.i will neva forget...the hurt n damage u all inflict on me...neva will i forget...get losts CURS...

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